Next time when you wake up roll over and say "good morning sexy" to your vibrator.

or be like you were amazing last night...vibrator ;)

I say that to my crack. Fun times , fun times....

Turtles can be pretty cute.

If he makes breakfast for the turtle instead of you, you'll know it's time to be worried.

...or tries to have sex with it...

I need to get up early for FML's. Because you guys always steal the best jokes. ;_;

That must be a gorgeous turtle he has there.

OP- good you saved yourself the mortification of having your reptile-loving turtle-humping husband confirm his true love is his teeny turtle. No accounting for some people's tastes, OP. Better you know know and move on than that you stay and play third wheel to a terrapin!

I normally don't comment crap like this, but, this confused the fuck out of me. I've reread this like 10 times and I can't comprehend what #5 is trying to say. Can anyone else decipher this?

I think he misread the fml and somehow thought that the ops husband has a turtle fetish, while it may be true he prefers the turtle to op that doesn't mean he wants to fuck the turtle

Doesn't mean he doesn't want to either.
And it does mean he's more loving to his turtle than to OP...
That sound good to you?
I suggest OP cut her losses and leave reptile boy...

Well turtles are pretty damn beautiful!

Specially in soup, nothing like veggies and turtle to start your morning off, with the exception of smoked wild pig... Mmmm memories :-/

To be fair, turtles are pretty awesome.

Especially the ones that wear ninja mask.

And with swords and nunchucks

Maybe you need to come out of your shell.

Is your husbands nickname "crab man"?

"Hey Earl" :D
"Hey Crab-Man."

No one beats mr.turtle

It sounds like he's one of those who once he has you he lays off the affection...... sorry OP and good luck

Oh snap Joy, your identity has been blown again. Tell the Crabman and Mr. Turtle, I said hey.