Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML
Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML
Today, my husband insisted a man can orgasm without cumming if he just clenches hard enough, so of course he went ahead and tried. He got such a powerful cramp in his groin, he shat himself on our cream carpet. Then as I tried to help, he came anyway, right into my fucking eye. FML
Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband shit himself a little during sex, but tried to keep going because he was "so close" and didn’t want to ruin the orgasm. I, of course, shoved him away but it was already down my leg and had stained our cream bedsheets. FML
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Top comments
dalink 24
So so so disgusting... And unhygienic.
Black_Rose97 9
well isnt that a load of crap... anyone?
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Comments (188)
BadApple88 29
Disgusting and unsanitary
DeeLaShee 13
The sad thing is that there is actually a name for this 'sex act' & people actually enjoy it.I don't understand it.lol
ryanthecheeseguy 18
Sounds like a shitty experience.
adameeo 21
This is the world now. Prepare yourselves, the worst is yet to come.
arsenicalhumor 30
I'd like to agree, but not one person in this world has asked me to give them a blumpkin.. Sure, someone could now just for "***** and giggles" but that is still not the world. :/
Martinez0285 28
its all ***** and giggles until someone giggles and *****
ShakeDisPlace 10
I'm not sure you would experience a mind blowing ******, but definitely mindblowing smell....
Andicc 19
That's all I keep thinking about is the awful smell and sounds she must have experienced....*shudders*
ShakeDisPlace 10
Right, I'm also wondering if OP actually went through with it or not. lol
Andicc 19
Right! There is no way I would ever....I don't care how much I "love" someone, no blumpkins for this chick lol
buddy51 23
Mind blowing in two different ways- his with the joy of release. You from disgust and horror! If you do it, OP, whatever you do DON'T look down!! DON'T look down!!!
Jezzikah 11
Blumpkins are nasty..
VancouverGuy89 9
It's more of a power thing like rimming lol
trbuson 11
Watch out for the splashers OP.
thatnucca 36
The phrase "Stoop to my loo my darling" is being taken quite literally and full advantage of in this situation...