Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML
Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I slightly opened my eyes during it and saw him with his eyes wide open, watching TV. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML
Today my boyfriend and my best friend had a very lengthy, detailed conversation about Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, of which I know nothing about. Once they stopped, I looked at him and smiled, and he responded with, "Why can't you be more like her?" FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, while having sex with my husband, he told me to put my legs around him, which I did. He then whispered sweetly in my ear, "You better hold on tight spider monkey." This is when I knew my Twilight obsession went too far. FML
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Top comments
that1guy1 13
And you should have said you see a tiny hobbit whenever you go down on him.
DocBastard 40
If he means that your ****** possesses him and makes him do its bidding, then he's absolutely correct.
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Comments (102)
Dracoboxer357 36
So, Op, your complaint is that your husband has a sense of humour about going down on you? :) You sound fortunate to me that he not only has no problem with it but can joke about it. Lighten up a bit, that's not so bad. Not very flattering, but not horrible. ;)
akiahara 14
at least you're the evil overlord. could be a gay hobbit. that'd definitely be worse.
Old_Iron_Sides 6
Lidless, wreathed in flame!! Sounds like a personal problem. Ask him if Shelob bit his hobbit, tthat would explain why it's "limp as a boned fish."
Old_Iron_Sides 6
say in your best gollum voice "How nice to catch a lovely fish so juicy sweeeeeet" whilst punching him in the nuts in time to the song...
geod69 8
So do i
Austyn57 1
wth is wrong with yourr vigina????
botanistjessica 24
But what girl would refuse oral?
Old_Iron_Sides 6
Not to mention the extended edition...
Ibeatmyself 3
its all orange and black and has a creepy voice
russfml 31
Ya even the fake chow seems to work :p