Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was texting my crush and I wanted to send him a cute emoji to show I was thinking of him. Instead of sending the "heart eyes" emoji, I hit the "poop" emoji. The worst part? He responded with, "Yeah, I'm a piece of shit, thanks for reminding me." FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
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Top comments
kyu_Q 19
when you have to go, you have to go
PackardBell_fml 19
Try waiting until a better time when he isn't in bed. He may have not been in the mood at the time.
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Comments (28)
joeyl2008 29
Today, I found out that my itchy butt hole was actually a symptom of prostate cancer.
ABlindMan 17
Yeah dump the husband. Good pun, totally fitting for the situation.
acky2lum 7
Your husband likes to... ... talk dirty... *put sunglasses on* I'll show myself out...
manuwish 9
now that was dirty talk..haha don't take it too hard OP, at least he has the decency of waiting to take his dump :) so your sexy feelings lack synchronicity, try watching **** together or have a sexy getaway or sth ;)
N7Com 7
best thing to do is communicate how you feel.. he wouldnt have an indication from your brain that thats what you were doing unless you explain it to him and even then you have to be in the mood.. but you cant be disappointed when spontaneity goes not according to plan
Bearsmomma 30
All of that was actually covered already. They had a full conversation about missing the fun of sexting. That was "comunicating how you feel". Then she sent a text "telling him what she was doing" which means mind reading would be unnecessary for him. Also, she CAN be "disappointed when things don't go according to plan". It isn't fair to dismiss or disallow anyone's emotions.
Tannasgh 22
Romantic....
PANDORUM89 21
I've found that if you don't send the dude enough to make him go "hurr durr she's sexting me" then they don't read it in that manner. I've sent my guy one liners before and it zooms so fast over his head. total mood killer. but sometimes I'll send like 4-5 sentences at once and then it sinks in.
Bearsmomma 30
I thought he understood and that was the reason for his response about being too tired.
SamanthaaNicolee 18
So looking forward to married life haha