Miscellaneous: Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall,...

By Cammy - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Grossed out

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

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By Shiverice - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

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By last night king

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

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By frank - 26/3/2021 23:01

Elephant

Today, I farted in my office, assuming nobody would come in until the smoke cleared. The new girl then came in to introduce herself. She had her hands on her nose the whole time, while we both awkwardly tried to ignore the stank elephant in the room. FML

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686

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By Anonymous

Today, I ended up in the hospital due to a severe acid reflux attack. I knew I had acid reflux for years, but was never allowed to get it checked out. Why? My dad told me I was too young to have it and that I was making it up. I now have to see a specialist. FML

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4054

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By Fuzzy - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

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By christiner - France

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

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By Anonymous

Surprise strike

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

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1239

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By beingthebossisoverrated - United States

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered "Fucking tryhard." FML

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25723

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By Santa - United States - Cocoa

Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

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By bubblzzz

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

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2154

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By Ed - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

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29591

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By Anonymous - Canada - Bolton

Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML

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26670

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By NotTHATbad

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

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11480

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By Loverscry - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I forgot my library book on a bench then I got on a bus, so I got off at the next stop and walked back to get it. I arrived just in time to see some guy pick it up and hop on another bus. So now I'm not on the bus I needed, and I have to pay for the book. FML

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29024

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By ColdStones - Norway - Bergen

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

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41259

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By wheresthelove - United States

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

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34820

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By Cody - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

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By GHTD - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

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By Rejected. - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

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By big steve - United States

Today, I had to call AAA for the fifth time in two months. When the driver got out, I instantly recognized him. It was the same guy who helped me out all the previous occasions. When he saw me, he snorted and doubled over laughing. FML

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25750

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By Celeste - Singapore

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

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35542

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By O - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

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By ritz - United States

Today, I was leaving my job at a huge mall. I couldn't find my car anywhere, so I panicked and flagged a security officer. I cried while he drove me around for miles in the endless parking lot. Then, suddenly, I remembered. My friend had dropped me off in the morning. FML

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By justgreat - United States

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

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By Username

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

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30915

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By Brooklyn - United States - Newport

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

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25552

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By anon - Canada - Vaudreuil

Today, I went to see a hockey game. The announcer asked if anybody found a ring in the stands, because a girl lost hers. While he talked about it, I realised that I forgot mine in my pocket, so I took MY ring and put it on my finger. A guy saw me and thought I stole the lost one. FML

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12857

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By DoubledTrouble - United States - Washington

Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML

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15109

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By KindaLooksLikeCocaine - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

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22646

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By Rory - United States

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

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77355

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By Mandoune - Finland

Today, I dropped my keys in the drain. Thankfully, my new flat mate generously offered his help to reach the keys via flower pot. FML

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24277

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By fmlfmlfml - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend rekindled the romance with his ex, at my 21st birthday party. One of the few reasons I'd invited her was to show that I trusted him, and I no longer felt threatened by their continued friendship. FML

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36719

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By concernedsis - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

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25574

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By FuckYou - United States - Santa Maria

Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML

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8635

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By Egyptian ToyBoy

Seventh heaven

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She had such an uncontrollable aggressive orgasm. I'd celebrate my efforts only if she didn't knock over my new expensive laptop, when then split in half. FML

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1770

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2021 23:01 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Childlike

Today, during an argument between me and my boyfriend, he called for his mom. She came up and told us both off and told us to stop screaming, as if we were kids. We are both well over 30. FML

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Top comments

By zeppelin9000 | 0

#153832 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:18

Definitely not an FML... but YDI anyways. You should probably not kick a soccer ball at a wall directly in front of you, it's simple physics.

By Jimboom | 11

#153839 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:20

Inanimate objects don't hate you. They couldn't give a shit one way or the other about you. At least that's what the cheese grater told me. :-P

COMMENTS

By levitate | 3

#153815 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:15

Hahah. I just burst out laughing. Idk why.

isaiaha11 | 2

#1305229 - Thursday 26 August 2010 22:21

in soviet russia soccer balls kick you

MrPhucked | 0

#1363917 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:47

Lmao, in Societ Russia, Ball Teabags You

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1390894 - Sunday 12 September 2010 4:22

I think anything will hate u if u kick it. Dumbass :D

By 24788 | 6

#153821 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:16

I don't see the FML in this. I've injured myself so many times while playing sports. That sucks though.

By x_eyebrows | 0

#153827 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:18

I can understand why. :) Didn't your parents ever tell you not to play ball in the house?

By zeppelin9000 | 0

#153832 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:18

Definitely not an FML... but YDI anyways. You should probably not kick a soccer ball at a wall directly in front of you, it's simple physics.

By Jimboom | 11

#153839 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:20

Inanimate objects don't hate you. They couldn't give a shit one way or the other about you. At least that's what the cheese grater told me. :-P

NIRVANAfan123 | 0

#846252 - Friday 12 February 2010 1:02

FTW

Link5794 | 18

#4912490 - Sunday 9 September 2012 18:32

Well, you don't kick cheese graters.

BirdieCurls | 25

#5941256 - Sunday 11 May 2014 9:12

94... I KICK CHEESE GRATERS.

By Proxgotsthafia | 0

#153843 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:21

aaaaaaaaaaaand PHYSICS!

By BaldOuting | 0

#153846 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:22

that is frustrating, one time i was so mad i punched a wall. a decision i immediately regretted.

By rukusrazor | 0

#153851 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:23

Wow, someone on FMyLife.com that got hit in the head and DIDN'T get knocked out!

/You blinded yourself... WITH SCIENCE!

020266t | 5

#1766217 - Monday 29 November 2010 2:06

oh god don't sing that song!

By scorpiogirl666 | 0

#153862 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:28

lol #5

By talestospin | 0

#153863 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:28

yeah...you should probably check for a concussion