Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
AlcaSMT 0
Ask her to kiss it better.
Radi0Waves 0
hopefully she doesn't want kids....
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Comments (31)
Sniper3000 0
hope u still can have children
katiebabe93 0
u sleep in your cup that's kinda werid it's not like your ex is going to come cut your dick off or anything less she a kinky werido
cubikle 0
See what happens when you let her out of the kitchen?
Madeleine_ForYou 0
Well at least she's spontaneous, you lucky bastard, you. Here's an idea: Tell everyone that you had a night of wild, freaky sex and that your penis is still recuperating from the incessant thrusting. They'll understand.
perfectnothing 0
nuts man that would hurt hahaha but I can't help but laugh at your pain sorry
EveryDayJackAss 0
R.I.P OP's balls
wowzaks 0
do it to make it feel better- it might work! :D
Snowjob 0
I would cry on the ground!
Scorch117 0
This is why I sleep with a cup on.
lampire 0
practice more and eventually shell be better