Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed "Oh my god!" for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a TV into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today my girlfriend actually moved during sex. I love her, but she's so awful in bed. FML
Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I miss the amazing sex life we used to have, as we haven't had sex in months. She accidentally blurted out, "Well, I've still got one." It seems our neighbour has taken over my role in the bedroom. FML
Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when she starts laughing and says, "Wow, this is just too funny." FML
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Top comments
BlueTwist89 0
Move the TV back out of your room :).
perdix 31
Yes, you did improve in bed -- you brought in the TV! I'm sure your gf is thrilled that you are open to the idea of getting electrical devices involved in your otherwise tedious sex life. You are going to have to demote yourself from the role of boyfriend to being the pimp for a series of vibrators and a series of electro-hydraulic sex contraptions. I can't wait to see you bitch-slap the Orgasmatron 6900 for not showing you da money.
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Comments (97)
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
How is this different than a guy getting a bj while playing video games? I'm not saying I'd do either, but I don't understand how this makes him a crappy lover and her a dead fish, while the other seems to be considered the height of awesomeness for so many guys here. =
nvadams 0
You should turn the TV off next time. Sex tends to be better when you can really focus on what's going on.
equality05 0
lazy
food9279 0
"Oh my god!"
jdfml90 0
Foreplay. spend more time on it, and turn the tv off or at least put some music on it.
jennocide 0
to the dumbass with the clit comment you need more experience buddy. the fact is that all orgasms are clitoral and it's not just what is on re surface. on the other hand I'm glad other chicks get into television programs while getting boned.
DjeePee 25
*laughs very hard at 'all orgasms are clitoral" comment* Doctor DjeePee to the rescue! tatatatadaa.
bontox 0
Okay, man…here is the battle plan: find out what it was she was watching, record it, play it…always. Lastly, and most importantly, start referring to your penis as the title of the program in question. Yes, you are welcome.
99chevyz71 0
so she watches tv and has sex with u at the same it!! SKILL!! lol
melons122 3
44-that's probably ops problem. only using 1 finger. haha
MellyMellz 0
Give her a reason to say OMG! in bed then ;)