Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend had dyed her hair a ridiculous bright color. She knows I absolutely fucking despise brightly colored hair on women. FML
Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML
Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML
Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML
Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to tint my hair. An hour later, I look like a blueberry and it looks like a Smurf exploded in my bathroom. FML
Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a Smurf. FML
Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML
Today, my daughter found a bag of googly eyes I'd bought for a craft project I'd completely forgot about. She spent the day sticking them on random objects around the house. I now have a microwave that looks like it’s judging me for using it too much instead of actually cooking. FML
Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML
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Top comments
joshiepo0 18
I would not like it Sam I am.
mrbattleman 10
Sounds fun to me.
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Comments (156)
killa_abs 2
you guys are real Dr. Seuss fans... all i know is he ryhmed all kinds of shit.
teentee401 37
When I was little, my sister and I would make Green Eggs and Ham for breakfast :)
Nederlander95 14
That' skins of cool actually
ty4nier 16
red fish blue fish
orbester 9
Dude your girlfriend should cool me everything from now until I die cause that sounds epic
Ashlei69 4
one fish two fish red fish blue fish
wiseKat99 13
Haha green eggs and ham!!!
GeorgiaBea 28
That is amazing!!! I will only cook with food coloring moving forward.
TheLynx_fml 20
And this is a problem because?
MrsHumanFrog 19
Your kidneys will be beautiful! Lol