Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

There's no helping some people

Poisoned chalice

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

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By aproudmom - 16/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Glen Head

Nerf bullets

Today, after work I came home to find my sons trying to use my tampons as nerf bullets. FML

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By wsumt - United States

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

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By Anonymous

Kids, eh?

Today, I was with my four year-old daughter when we met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman I know. My daughter looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?" FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

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By minime94 - United States - Sunset

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

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By uterurist - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

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By lloydLO - United States

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

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By heartfelt - Sweden - Uppsala

How you remind me

Today, I was rejected by a company I applied to. When I was writing my application, I spent so much time on their website researching that the ads on my browser are almost all for their products. It's like getting rejected again with every click. FML

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By Coco - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, I invited my sister to my wedding. She is not coming, because I didn't reply to her email three years ago. The one she sent to my whole family, saying that I was a dangerous psychopath. FML

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By Noname - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Worcester

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Cervignano Del Friuli

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

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By Mrmz07 - United States - Midland

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2020 17:00

Time don't heal nothing

Today, I was sitting in my garden with my younger sister when she told me that she'd found pictures of me from a decade ago. She also told me that I've changed a lot over the years, because back then I was still pretty. My neighbours overheard it and started laughing out loud. FML

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By juliearis - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

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By Ouch - United States

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

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By snottyface - United States

Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML

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By doodler - United States - Hurst

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

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By curtain buyer - United States - Albany

Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that my window has an excellent view of my new neighbors, who just so happen to like to shag with the blinds open. I guess I'll be buying some curtains. FML

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By Marty - United States - Irving

Today, I bought a small bottle of liquor to share with my husband to celebrate our move. It took 3 hours at the store as the cashier, manager, GM, and a police officer checked my ID believing it was fake. I'm 25. FML

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By BadMurderer - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

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By anon - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

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By opinaise - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

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By facepalmshroomer - United States

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

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By secretninja64 - United States - Saint Francis

Today, I got fired after three days at my new job. They told me it was because of downsizing. They were still interviewing people and had a help wanted sign in the window. FML

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By cmendez - United States

Today, my mother who is 75 years old just told me and my sister that we are adopted. I'm 45 years old and my sister is 49. FML

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By anon

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

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By vanessa560 - Canada

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

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By I hate nasty people - United States - South Bend

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I find myself in an unfortunate situation. I met my girlfriend's family and it turns out she's the baby of the family with 7 older brothers, a dad and a granddad, and 6 uncles. That’s 15 very large, very overprotective men I’m sure all want me dead. FML

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By poorman - Canada

Today, my mother, who religiously checks her bank account after every purchase, then shreds her receipts, got fed up with me not doing the same. So she shredded all my piled up receipts. These include the 100s of dollars I had spent for my work, which I need the receipts to get reimbursed for. FML

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By doggone - United States - King Of Prussia

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

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By thechaos - United States - Pittsfield

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

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Top comments

By Passerbyer | 10

#6165427 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:10

So sorry, some people have a way of trying to ruin things. ...but no one can take away the amazing gesture your best friend has done for you. :-)

By katcherjoons | 3

#6165506 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 8:23

If it was cherished perhaps you should have moved it in first, or left it in a more secure location than the sidewalk until you were ready for it.

COMMENTS

By tehman117 | 21

#6165425 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:08

if its a complex then shouldnt it have cameras?

Reply

llalala_fml | 19

#6165438 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:15

What kinda complexes are you living in ?

Reply

xwingtwo | 15

#6165441 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:16

Ones with cameras?

Reply

hunteredmundson | 17

#6165705 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 13:39

Most complexes have security cameras

Reply

llalala_fml | 19

#6165725 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 14:05

Not really.

Reply

maxxwell8 | 13

#6165894 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 18:27

mine doesn't.......………

By revan546 | 24

#6165426 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:08

Just get some duct tape it'll fix it right up

Reply

nchic01 | 17

#6165440 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:16

You could actually sew it up. If it was just kicked all the pieces should still be attached. That would actually be quite beautiful. Coming from an artistically inclined person here.

Reply

year2015 | 11

#6166166 - Thursday 8 January 2015 0:08

actually if theres a hole in the middle and no peices fell of OP could put duct tape on the back where its not visible

By Passerbyer | 10

#6165427 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:10

So sorry, some people have a way of trying to ruin things. ...but no one can take away the amazing gesture your best friend has done for you. :-)

By keithsbooty | 20

#6165429 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:10

I'm sorry OP. Hope you'll find out who did it and you two can come to some kind of solution. Though emotional damage can't really be undone.

By Jurassicass | 9

#6165431 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:11

Sorry OP! I hope someone witnessed it and I hope it can be fixed somehow!

By Jdlove2 | 20

#6165432 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:12

They like to Picasso on the newbies.... Huh? No? Ok.

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6165437 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:14

No indeed.

By Ilikepie82479 | 20

#6165433 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:12

Well, have fun with that

By 19990231 | 29

#6165444 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:18

Find them, and kick a hole in their head. You're the new person on the block and can make a reputation for yourself.

By anthonyksee | 11

#6165446 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:20

At least it wasnt the mona lisa

By dude_itskayley | 17

#6165452 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:23

Sorry to hear about that! I don't inserts and why some people just go out of their way to be disrespectful. But regardless, the painting was a nice gift from your friend! :)

Reply

Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6165484 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:51

Your comment confused me so much at first. Was "inserts and" supposed to be "understand?"