Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/1/2015 00:26 - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

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Vultures

Fairytale ending

Hello everyone!

By Hannah - 1/3/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I got excited because I found a chat line for teens who are dealing with depression. I signed up and was about to enter the chat room and then a message popped up that said ''Sorry this is only available for teens in the United Kingdom.'' FML

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By helloitsbrian6969 - 24/5/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

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By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - 2/9/2010 23:51 - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

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By Phobia - 29/12/2017 15:00

Today, thanks to my new anti-anxiety meds, I am finally no longer agoraphobic. Today also marks 5 weeks of constant diarrhea due to the same meds. Guess who's not leaving the house anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2019 14:00

Today, I was scrolling through Instagram when I got a new follow suggestion. I checked her feed, and found out it was my ex-fiancé’s newest fiancée. And he'd proposed to her using an $185 ring I'd bought myself for my birthday last year. FML

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By -_- - 30/8/2013 20:31 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

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By catpeecathy - 14/9/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

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By dam01 - 2/8/2009 07:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

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By ohnoooooo - 3/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

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By FML! - 7/8/2011 00:27 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

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By woof? - 19/4/2015 17:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

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By Doubleyew1 - 2/8/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 02:22 - United States - Columbia

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2009 21:59 - Iraq

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

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By stick - 20/10/2009 16:05 - United States

Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML

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By bummed - 15/4/2012 07:03 - United States - Cresson

Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML

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By Piano999 - 21/2/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I lied to my crush telling him I can play the piano. To 'prove' it, I recorded a video on my phone of a girl playing a beautiful piece. After I sent it, I realized my mouse cursor was in the center of the page the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 00:02 - United Kingdom

Scruffy 'erbert

Today, I was in the garden of my new house when a neighbour came over and told me to clear off or she would call the owner to tell them they were being burgled. When I told her I was the owner, she said I was clearly unsuitable to be living on this street, and to stop lying before she called the police. FML

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By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2014 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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By Talented73 - 25/4/2017 20:00

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML

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By cheap - 18/6/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

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By LivingBroke - 21/8/2017 20:01

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

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By steph - 20/4/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

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By Noname - 30/1/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

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By mermaidkeels - 8/9/2016 04:54 - United States - Miami

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

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By al - 15/4/2012 03:02 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

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By ihatemylife - 20/8/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I got a text message from my ex from about a year ago, asking if my 4-day-old son was his. I don't know what's sadder - the fact that he thinks a gestation period can last 11 months, or that he's more willing to step up to the plate than the baby's actual father. FML

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By Anon - 1/4/2015 06:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 11:44 - United States

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 23:39 - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend of a year kissing another girl. When I walked up to confront him about it, he tried to convince the other girl he didn't know who I was. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2009 20:12 - Denmark

Today, I got stung by a bee. On my eyelid. I'm allergic so it's swollen up so much, I can't even open my eye. Tomorrow is the first day of a new prestigious school. I either have to go to school wearing an eye-patch or walk around looking like a monster. FML

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By Ohhh the pain - 28/4/2019 04:00

Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhoea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realise she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. 5 minutes later I shit and vomited myself. FML

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By I'm screwed - 13/1/2013 01:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

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By defectivesuperhero - 26/10/2018 13:30

Today, I couldn't get my car hood to open to check the fluids. A few miles down the highway, though, it popped right open. FML

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By bablessinbedsty - 5/5/2017 14:45

Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we "agreed to only have one child". Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML

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By robert - 31/1/2012 00:20 - United States

Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML

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By ph2222 - 5/10/2015 17:10 - United States - Toledo

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

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Top comments

By Passerbyer | 10

#6165427 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:10

So sorry, some people have a way of trying to ruin things. ...but no one can take away the amazing gesture your best friend has done for you. :-)

By katcherjoons | 3

#6165506 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 8:23

If it was cherished perhaps you should have moved it in first, or left it in a more secure location than the sidewalk until you were ready for it.

Comments

By tehman117 | 21

#6165425 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:08

if its a complex then shouldnt it have cameras?

Reply

llalala_fml | 19

#6165438 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:15

What kinda complexes are you living in ?

Reply

xwingtwo | 15

#6165441 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:16

Ones with cameras?

Reply

hunteredmundson | 17

#6165705 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 13:39

Most complexes have security cameras

Reply

llalala_fml | 19

#6165725 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 14:05

Not really.

Reply

maxxwell8 | 13

#6165894 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 18:27

mine doesn't.......………

By revan546 | 24

#6165426 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:08

Just get some duct tape it'll fix it right up

Reply

nchic01 | 17

#6165440 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:16

You could actually sew it up. If it was just kicked all the pieces should still be attached. That would actually be quite beautiful. Coming from an artistically inclined person here.

Reply

year2015 | 11

#6166166 - Thursday 8 January 2015 0:08

actually if theres a hole in the middle and no peices fell of OP could put duct tape on the back where its not visible

By Passerbyer | 10

#6165427 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:10

So sorry, some people have a way of trying to ruin things. ...but no one can take away the amazing gesture your best friend has done for you. :-)

By keithsbooty | 20

#6165429 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:10

I'm sorry OP. Hope you'll find out who did it and you two can come to some kind of solution. Though emotional damage can't really be undone.

By Jurassicass | 9

#6165431 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:11

Sorry OP! I hope someone witnessed it and I hope it can be fixed somehow!

By Jdlove2 | 20

#6165432 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:12

They like to Picasso on the newbies.... Huh? No? Ok.

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6165437 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:14

No indeed.

By Ilikepie82479 | 20

#6165433 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:12

Well, have fun with that

By 19990231 | 29

#6165444 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:18

Find them, and kick a hole in their head. You're the new person on the block and can make a reputation for yourself.

By anthonyksee | 11

#6165446 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:20

At least it wasnt the mona lisa

By dude_itskayley | 17

#6165452 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:23

Sorry to hear about that! I don't inserts and why some people just go out of their way to be disrespectful. But regardless, the painting was a nice gift from your friend! :)

Reply

Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6165484 - Wednesday 7 January 2015 7:51

Your comment confused me so much at first. Was "inserts and" supposed to be "understand?"