Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
Today, I absentmindedly stuck two magnets in my mouth while talking, and accidentally swallowed them. I had to go the emergency room. The nurses at the station laughed at me. They thought it was a joke. They couldn't believe an 18 year old would swallow magnets. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my momma ran into her opp and fists started flying. She grabbed the nearest thing near her and started swinging. That thing was my precious little boy, and now we're at the emergency room, telling him he fell down the stairs. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
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Top comments
Wolvander88 19
A prick in the making.
klovemachine 24
This calls for a severe punishment :(
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Comments (166)
88vivera 9
Never over react!
greeneye_fml 12
Tell her she won't have a birthday and/or Xmas this year because you had to spend the money on paying the bills for her little joke. That'll teach her.
gman90210 18
That is called for a serious butt whooping.
AZbeastboSS 2
Tell her, I'm dying, after she freaks out, say just joking
lukemack 4
That's why Australia's medicare system is amazing and us sucks
zander4310 5
*grounded for life*
mrsmaglietta 6
good thing you were already in a hospital I would have spanked some ass
183933 6
Make sure that for Christmas this year you wrap up a big box with her name on it. Inside just leave a card that simply says... Just Joking, love Santa!
mitsuki5561 4
Did she even do a good job at faking it? I mean if someone really did swallow a thumb tack, they probably couldn't even speak to say that they did.
Octaviaisabitch 0
This is why I hate kids with a burning passion.