By SHUTCHINS - 14/10/2017 12:00 - United Kingdom - Canterbury

Today, while my fiancé was showing me the finger guard on his brand new, very sharp knife, he managed to slice his finger open and throw the knife onto my leg, cutting me also. There's now a nice trail of blood on the carpet all the way to the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks 3 299
You deserved it 297

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Good, now you won't get lost finding the bathroom. Just follow the blood trail.

Looks like that finger guard was a bloody failure! Get it? Or is my humo(u)r too cutting-edge?

Comments

TCRII 29

Maybe your boyfriend is not the sharpest knife in the drawer.....

Your fiancé is not allowed to use a knife ever again!!! Not even a butter knife

Or Fisher Price knives.

Or anything sharper than a shelled hard boiled egg.

Good, now you won't get lost finding the bathroom. Just follow the blood trail.

Hydrogen peroxide will remove the blood from the carpet -- just make sure to test it in an inconspicuous spot first, to make sure it won't bleach the color out of the carpet too. You can buy it in any drug store for about two dollars a bottle.

rubing alcohol works without bleaching if the peroxide test does bleach your carpet

I'm simultaneously slightly impressed and mildly disturbed by the readiness of blood stain removal suggestions here.

What is with the need to show off really sharp knives, machetes, and katanas? All that one ends up impressing is how much medical help will be needed afterwards.

Looks like that finger guard was a bloody failure! Get it? Or is my humo(u)r too cutting-edge?

I think a lot of your puns are sharp and on point.

If his finger's still attached, the knife isn't sharp enough. True fact.

Oh. THAT's why we have a first-aid-kit on every corner in our school...

sounds like you're saying knives are a problem at that school. that's disturbing.

*has a guest* guest:”where’s the bathroom?” You:”just follow the trail of blood.”

Imagine if the guard /wasn't/ there...now that would've been ugly!