Miscellaneous: Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 030

You deserved it 2 740

There's no helping some people

The one with the asshole friend

The virus claims another victim

By bsulyingb - 24/11/2013 19:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 501

You deserved it 2 972

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 719

You deserved it 4 742

By fiftyno - 01/10/2012 15:02 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 774

You deserved it 4 105

Boundaries

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 02:01

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my parents, who are in their late 50s, having sex. That's not the worst part, it's understandable; we all have needs. However, I walked in on them doing it on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 123

That was short-lived.

By adc2502 - 02/02/2018 11:00

Today, after getting my first debit card, I spent £60 on porn online. My mum made me print off a statement at the ATM as she wanted to know where my money had gone. She saw everything and cut up my card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 8 408

Cursed lake

By TabbyCat87 - 18/10/2019 16:00

Today, our boat broke down in the middle of a lake at sunset. We called our friend for help, and his truck and trailer got stuck in mud at the boat ramp. We called the sheriff's office to tow his vehicle out of the mud. The tow strap broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 126

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 485

You deserved it 28 545

By unforgettablee - 29/04/2013 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 622

You deserved it 13 003

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 13:53 - United States

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 507

You deserved it 5 112

By dibman - 07/01/2011 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 651

You deserved it 2 942

By j0hn - 23/02/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 911

You deserved it 17 450

By Anonymous - 25/06/2012 15:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 684

You deserved it 2 929

By anonymous - 15/06/2019 02:25

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 143

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 199

You deserved it 9 051

By BadGirlfriend12 - 30/07/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 6 263

By Anonymous - 17/01/2015 18:11 - Australia - Perth

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 424

You deserved it 6 295

By jeoak - 30/01/2013 17:25 - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 483

You deserved it 2 245

I'm horny, horny horny horny…

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 11:01

Spicy

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 245

By Gioia - 30/04/2013 12:28 - Bulgaria - Vidin

Today, I was so nervous about a first date that trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 507

You deserved it 11 722

By jcooh0lla - 24/07/2009 21:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 629

You deserved it 7 425

By All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - 11/09/2015 05:57 - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 402

You deserved it 4 877

By ohsosad - 23/11/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 076

You deserved it 26 576

By chellegbelle - 14/05/2014 21:46 - United States - Graham

Today, I found out my neighbor collects body-bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 348

You deserved it 3 940

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Spicy

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 150

By Elgrin - 17/06/2016 18:03 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 1 412

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 20:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 464

You deserved it 2 762

By asthmattack - 25/01/2013 06:30 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 242

You deserved it 2 799

By disciplinaryaction - 21/11/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 658

You deserved it 3 337

By aabadaba - 01/04/2013 05:23 - United States - La Mirada

Today, my Jewish boyfriend came over for my extended family's Easter party. My grandmother made fun of him for being Jewish so badly, that he left, crying. She doesn't see what she did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 380

You deserved it 4 621

By choup - 07/11/2008 21:02 - Australia

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 151

You deserved it 27 484

The receipts, the tea

By over and over it - 19/03/2021 16:30 - United States

Today, I found out a guy I used to date is trying to get me fired from my dream job. He found an old flip phone with a text argument we had nearly 17 years ago. He wants me punished for things I said when I was an angry 15 year old-kid. HR is now looking into the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 94

By DangerousDriver - 03/07/2017 22:10

Today, while delivering for a building supply company, I was sent to an incorrect address. I attempted to turn around and got the 24-foot truck stuck in the mud. The homeowner left for work and then called the cops, saying someone was trespassing on his property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 511

You deserved it 398

By Clumsy - 25/04/2009 09:09 - United States

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and bust my head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 476

You deserved it 5 460

By OyGeeze28 - 09/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 834

You deserved it 3 108

By jostertoaster12 - 13/02/2015 20:31 - United States - Steamboat Springs

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 156

You deserved it 2 392

Animalistic

By 00anon00 - 02/07/2020 02:01

Today, I was fired from my local animal shelter. I was a volunteer and am currently in school for veterinary technology. My education made the paid staff at the shelter feel threatened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 142

Since when has that been there?

By Michelle - 19/12/2020 08:01

Today, I thought something was wrong with my car battery because my dashboard lights were really low. I paid $77 to find out the dimmer switch was turned down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 754

By justfat - 12/03/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was standing on a balcony smoking a cigarette when I noticed a woman giving me strange looks. When I put the cigarette out and went to walk inside she said "You shouldn't smoke while you're pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 676

You deserved it 15 582

By Lenny_R - 08/12/2016 19:53

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 325

You deserved it 860

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 406

You deserved it 46 176

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:23

And even then, it wasn't by his own free will. The mailman made him come!

crazedcabbages 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:21

wow thats freaking sad :(

Comments

crazedcabbages 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:21

wow thats freaking sad :(

YDI_S 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 2:30

YDI for your dads cremated remains coming in the mail. This is the first time, in your entire adult life, that he has visited you at your home.

harryman_bamf 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 2:38

33 gtfo troll

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 2:48

Couldn't have been any more direct :]

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:00

that's chocolate milk mix not your dad

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:04

... well... I'm just gonna go to the bathroom and throw up for no specific reason don't drink any of my chocolate milk while I'm away

IAreStarfeesh 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 4:59

34 Dont call him a troll, it's what he wants. He's just a wannabe Skroal.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 13:13

Haha No 40 :D i got the reference. But you got ur dead father mailed to you? Kinda creepy.

stephanie0613 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 10:57

Wow, FYL Op :( sorry.

barbara_jude_wee_fml 0

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Monday 25 October 2010 4:01

that's really sad. did he not like you? not trying to ne mean.

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Wednesday 6 November 2013 6:56

I have to ask, in what way is this a YDI-type situation?

perdix 29

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:23

And even then, it wasn't by his own free will. The mailman made him come!

redbluegreen 40

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:24

I believe several housewives can say the exact same thing, Perdix!

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:25

now that'll make him feel better :)

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:27

Now, now, Perdix, you have me thinking that the deceased dad was gay. "Thou shalt not insult the dead."

perdix 29

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:38

RBG, phone #'s, please? :)

Pearljammer001 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:44

ahahaha look at him go xD

my2centsworth 15

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 2:03

I was thinking along that line, too.

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 5:16

Ya that mailman should go to the Middle East. Poor ashes. Died so young.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 7:18

soo true

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:23

that's sad. just remember the good times and keep your father with you always. cheer up op let your dad RIP

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Friday 9 September 2011 3:57

Father of the year?

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Tuesday 3 September 2013 5:25

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess they didnt really get along? but hey i could be wrong

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:24

That's kind of creepy, the way you said that.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 2:12

and that's kind of creepy, your pic, that is.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:36

Don't hate.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 6:14

get over it, get over it.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 10:45

Win, my friend.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:28

not fyl because your dad died and you miss him or anything. Instead fyl cause that's the first time he's ever been to your house?? Really? d-bag..I wouldn't go to your house either

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:32

OP's a douchebag for expecting his father to visit? Woah. My parents must be douchebags since they expect me to call when I'm at sleepaway camp.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:21

i agree with gizz bro, wtf does u being at “sleepaway camp" have to do with anything?

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:22

i agree with gizz bro, wtf does u being at “sleepaway camp" have to do with anything?

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 7:06

Athe intelligence level at which you cannot understand a simple comparison must be low. But OP is saying that his father never visitted him his whole adult life. I'd feel bad too.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 10:47

Fail grammar!>:(

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:30

This saddens me. :(

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 5:18

but seriously how much??? I'm just playin... (with your boobs). :)

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 6:55

You did your "kthxbai" wrong...

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:36

No OP is a douchebag for caring more about the fact that his/her father never came to visit, rather than his/her fathers death. FYL for still going to sleep away camp.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:40

you know you put this in the main feed and not the reply feed that you're pointing this at, right?

adorkable_spazz 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:16

obviously not...

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:38

Well maybe you should have been worth visiting while he was alive OP

illegalnative 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:27

true oh so very true

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:39

What an ash.

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:36

epic win

hairdreser0nfire 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 4:22

lmao you are so punny!

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 6:47

hahahahahahahahahahah that was hilarious thumbs up to you!

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 10:32

nice one :D

barbara_jude_wee_fml 0

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Monday 25 October 2010 4:03

hahhahahahahahhahahhahaha

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 1:41

Lmao win 14

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 137

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 303