Miscellaneous: Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones....

By Char-azard - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14167

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1730

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Minefield

One law for me…

By daqueen009 - 18/12/2020 17:04 - United States

Laundry Day

Today, I had to do my laundry. Being too lazy to separate them into different colors, or even check the pockets of my jeans, I threw everything I own into one load. Turns out I had left a tin of lip balm in one of my pockets. My whole wardrobe is now covered in spots that won't come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

222

You deserved it

1429

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, after weeks of being engaged and with the wedding date planned, I finally told my parents. They told me it was my best April Fool's joke ever. I should've waited one more day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21336

You deserved it

5635

Favorite

By fmlpgh - United States

Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24482

You deserved it

2691

Favorite

By toeloezz - Netherlands

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11978

You deserved it

1255

Favorite

By TheThirdWheel

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 2 years and my best friend of 10 years making out in my bedroom. I stared and when they noticed me, my boyfriend didn’t even bat an eye and suggested we have a threesome. My best friend immediately agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6144

You deserved it

624

Favorite

By AtLeastWeCan'tHaveKids

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years and I received our results from a DNA test. We're both very interested in history and ancestry, and wanted to see where in the world we both originated. It turns out we have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6202

You deserved it

303

Favorite

By Kendra_Nine - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17674

You deserved it

31020

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3788

You deserved it

1727

Favorite

By momlife - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19009

You deserved it

2056

Favorite

By jazz - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32190

You deserved it

5733

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35430

You deserved it

3978

Favorite

By Just Awkward

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4420

You deserved it

1230

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55412

You deserved it

4565

Favorite

By imawesomeokay - Mexico - Zapopan

Today, I went to watch a movie. In the middle of it, I accidentally fell asleep. Minutes later, I awoke on a stranger's shoulder. He was caressing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45140

You deserved it

10920

Favorite

By well_f_u_too

Today, I took a night train for the first time. I woke up at 4 am to the beeping of smoke alarms and thick white smoke everywhere. The train had caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2971

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By scammed - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60632

You deserved it

3588

Favorite

By 2for1 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1690

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while making deliveries, a lady answered the door stark naked and invited me in. I'm a young single guy so I went for it, but her husband was also there, ready to go with an enormous boner, so I ran to my van and went back to the depot. They reported me for bad customer service. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6717

You deserved it

2682

Favorite

By Noname - Canada

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24050

You deserved it

38716

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/4/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Business is business

Today, my lawyer lied to me about how much of a settlement she won for my workplace accident. I got £20,000, but she lied and kept £55,000 for herself. My lawyer is my wife, and she claims she’s entitled to that money since she’s the one who’s really suffered caring for me during my recovery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1590

You deserved it

175

Favorite

By Alice - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30481

You deserved it

3258

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43142

You deserved it

6228

Favorite

By bitchonia - Canada

Sign your name across my…?

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he'd think of me getting his initials tattooed over my heart. "That's awesome, babe," he answered enthusiastically. "But could you get them on your ass instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

701

You deserved it

1465

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Euless

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52449

You deserved it

5740

Favorite

By Silent - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a girl started talking to me at the bus stop. After it descended into an awkward silence, I jumped on my bus to avoid further conversation. She got on the same bus. And got off at the same stop. I swear the whole bus could feel the tension. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25872

You deserved it

4652

Favorite

By Milly

Today, it's my birthday, and my coworkers gave me a $75 gift card to a restaurant chain near my house. Later in the evening, I found out the chain of restaurants abruptly closed. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3789

You deserved it

183

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35260

You deserved it

7414

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

129834

You deserved it

5429

Favorite

By paulinapo - United States - Staten Island

Today, while in a public bathroom, I threw out my back. A stranger had to help me pull up my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38293

You deserved it

2842

Favorite

By frog - United Kingdom

Today, while on holiday in England, a cute boy came up and asked where I'm from. When I said Paris, he gave a look and said, "Oh, strange, I always thought Parisians were the most beautiful women in the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54261

You deserved it

4522

Favorite

By eric - United States

Great chat!

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22193

You deserved it

96221

Favorite

By ringrash - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23928

You deserved it

4334

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39013

You deserved it

5421

Favorite

By moronicmoroccan - Philippines

Today, we received a wedding invitation from a couple who are renting an apartment from us. They haven't paid rent for several months. My father is listed as the "principal sponsor." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25105

You deserved it

2328

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35007

You deserved it

3233

Favorite

By Kelly - 23/7/2020 02:01

Polly wants it

Today, at work, I booked a vet appointment for an African Gray to get a birth control implant. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I definitely never thought that a parrot would have a more active sex life than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1298

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By what the FUCK - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38024

You deserved it

3221

Favorite

By fuck you, jack - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46132

You deserved it

3281

Favorite

By Bobby ray slice - United States

Today, I went into a public bathroom and walked in on a guy checking his butt out in the mirror to see if he'd wiped properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35563

You deserved it

2792

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/1/2021 20:01 - Germany

One rule for me…

Today, I haven’t had a haircut in 15 months. Our politicians announced that the lockdown, prohibiting haircuts, commerce and social life, will go on even longer than previously decided. Our impeccably coiffed politicians, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

654

You deserved it

178

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By l_ | 19

#6608383 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:48

I don't think he understands the purpose of noise-cancelling headphones.

By zefronke8 | 25

#6608366 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:34

Oh...oh god

COMMENTS

By zefronke8 | 25

#6608366 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:34

Oh...oh god

By trevorr_16 | 25

#6608370 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:38

Isn't that just amazing?

By gijojo_fml | 9

#6608371 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

gijojo_fml | 9

#6608374 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:42

Really how is this a down vote

dietcoke09 | 25

#6608534 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 5:38

It seems like you're including a personal experience in that comment..

Martinv9 | 7

#6609163 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 23:10

By sophzxc | 15

#6608376 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:42

I am so disturbed by the image implanted in my head by your vivid FML. I need brain bleach.

By TonierShadow | 19

#6608379 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:45

He does realise noise cancelling only blocks out outside side not internal sound. They have headphones just for that too.

By l_ | 19

#6608383 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:48

I don't think he understands the purpose of noise-cancelling headphones.

renrioku | 15

#6608496 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 5:05

I am sure he does, I don't think OP understands the purpose of them. Could be that neither of them do.

WhiteMagickz | 16

#6609099 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 21:47

How does OP not understand the purpose of them?

By Tripartita | 44

#6608384 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:51

I should hope they're loud enough to let others know they need to back off! Can you imagine having to return noise canceling headphones because people aren't able to hear the porn you watch?! That would be humiliating!

By pjsr | 32

#6608393 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 2:57

Yes! Yes! Your FML is so awesome! Keep going. Yeah, that's it! Yes, oh yes!

By kharwood1208 | 14

#6608402 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 3:13

he does understand, that they cancel outside noise, not cancel noise from traveling out of the headphones, right?

By ssaej | 1

#6608407 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 3:17

Lol