Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
endziet 0
i hate how everyone expects every fml to be drastically life changing. sometiems its fun to just read these little, less serious fml's. i swear you guys wont be happy till someone puts "Today, my son blew his face off with a shotgun" and even then youll say YDI for ******* your kid up in the first place. >.>
PixilatedxMe 0
I can't deal with puke. If it were me it would have gone like this: Daughter: *Puke* Me: *Pukes, now has two puddles to clean* Daughter: *Pukes on head* (Up to three puddles!) Me: *Pukes on daughter* (Four puddles...) Daughter: *Pukes on head again* (Five puddles...) Me: *Pukes again, goes to clean up puke, and then pukes more*(Probably suicide next...)
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
DRY0YRD 0
You'd think after the first time she threw up on your head you'd, y'know, move. Plus, wouldn't she know where she was vomiting and not vomit on you? Either this story is fake, or you and you're daughter are very, incredibly slow.
ladyvader401 5
So...wait a second. While I'll admit that the OP's story seems a little farfetched, do you realize that you just questioned the intelligence of two other people while using the wrong form of "your"? Ya gotta love the internet.
Teecuppit3a 0
AND being redundant. Using Very, and incredibly in succession is not only unnecessary but also incredibly unprofessional.
shirvon100 0
i guess the tank wasnt empty
LesYeuxDeDario 0
You do realize that she was planning that all along ? And it was wonderful, first to vomit on the floor so you had to clean up and than just vomit on you the rest of the disgusting stuff she eats ... that's hell'a of a plan !
Crunchy08 0
reading this made my head itch
Sebastian00 0
LMFAO
n0thingp3rsonal 0
ermz...after the first time, why not take her to the toilet?
Misanthropist 0
You deserved it the moment you shit out a kid.
po_ta_to 0
I'm guessing you aren't very good with kids.
mommmma 0
most of you people who comment should be BANNED from FML. for the people saying "your kid doesnt know where the bathroom is...?" how do you know its not a 2-year-old or something? for the people saying"your a parent, its your job, stop complaining, "....she was obviously dealing with it, but i think anyone would complain when someone pukes on your head.im assuming its not pleasant. and how does this make this OP stupid/dumb?????? you commenters are idiots, and should go comment on MLIA cause MLIA sucks...like you's
dramakat11 0
lol! That sucks. The other day I threw up on my bf while giving him head but he deserved it because he was pushing my head down way too far and heard me gag several times already. Just thought I'd share that random gross story with you.
plexico 4
I have to tell you, dramakat11, I hate your boyfriend! He's a shame to our gender! When you girls are nice enough to suck our dicks, we should be appreciative to let you do it comfortably. I know some girls like to go so deep that they gag. Bless your hearts! I think forcing you to gag is a shitty thing to do to a girlfriend. You might do that to an expensive *****, but not someone who you allegedly care about and who is blowing you because she loves you. I hope your vomiting makes your boyfriend grow up and treat you better. If not, there's always room in the "plexico, have my babies" club. ;)
Kita5kat 0
you should've bit him. hard.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Risks of motherhood. When I was a baby, I had "reflux disease" which basically meant the top of my stomach wouldn't close, and I'd puke every hour/few hours, pretty consistently. I barfed on almost every person who dared to hold me. Ah, the things people do for babies. :]