Twisted firestarter

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

Not the sharpest crayon in the box

Today, my idiot daughter used my wax warmer to try to give herself a bikini wax using old crayons. Not sure which YouTube idiot she learned it from, but the stench of melted crayon, burnt hair, and singed flesh isn’t a smell I’ll soon be forgetting. FML

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to blow-dry the sweat off her armpits instead of showering. FML

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML