Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though,...

By Idontknowwhattodo - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

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42906

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Kids

Serious times

Not now!

I CAN HEAR YOU

By Anonymous - United States - Pembroke

Today, my grandfather gave me a whole box of records to go with my new record player. When I thanked him, he said he'd been needing to get rid of them anyway because classical music makes him horny. I definitely didn't need to know that. FML

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13819

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By Awkward - Bahrain

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

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11947

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By estephi - France

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

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35987

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By ohwell - United States - Arlington

Today, I handed in my 2 weeks notice, since I have to leave for college soon. My boss told me it was fine, then cut all my remaining shifts. FML

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14358

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By Kilania

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

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1619

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By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

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21618

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By nice one

Today, I finally confronted my boyfriend and asked him if he was cheating on me. He got flustered and said, "Technically, I'm cheating with you, not on you." FML

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36916

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2020 08:08

Who's Afraid of Red, Yellow and Blue

Today, I spent almost two hours drawing a scenery. I was tired halfway in and took a break. Came back to my room to see it getting scribbled on. FML

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880

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By noworkformeplease

Today, I had to call out of work because I was ill, but they didn't believe me because today was the day I was supposed to come back from vacation. Now I'm stuck at work, constantly running to the bathroom, and they still won't let me go home. FML

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5169

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

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23136

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By Anonymous

Hair of the dog

Today, I spent 15 minutes scrubbing the bathtub, just to have my roommate come home and give their dog a bath in it. They didn't even rinse it or pull the hair out. I don't know what makes it more annoying, that I'm 6 months pregnant and do all the cleaning while working full-time, or that we have a hose outside. FML

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1425

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By over_protected - Canada

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33041

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2465

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By jhughes1997 - United States - Decatur

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

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43741

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By I didn't though - United States

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

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23462

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By Pavlov Dog

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

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4486

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1517

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By FutureMarine3658 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

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7407

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By shotdown - United States

Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. FML

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13553

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my mom telling my younger sister not to use my razors because she "doesn't know what I may have." FML

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29894

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4932

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By dadum - Australia

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

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42399

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By Giggity - United States

Today, I found out that the mysterious smell from under my bed was my cats collection of dead mice. FML

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34267

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By thatcreepyteacher - United States - Mchenry

Reported!

Today, someone called the police on me because one of my students was going home with me every day. The student is my son. FML

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28673

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By ishouldntdrink - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

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7882

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By Dontsitsitandyoudie - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML

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4027

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By civic4life - United States

Today, it's my 17th birthday. I asked for a newer car because my car right now sucks. I got a book on photography. I don't own a camera. FML

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By nodad - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

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26927

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

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45586

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By zetuga - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

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28372

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By Anonymous - Russian Federation

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

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44918

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By me - United States

Today, I met some of my boyfriend's family for the first time. His aunt said I was really cute, which made me happy. As we were leaving I said "Your aunt thought I was cute." His reply..."Yeah, well, my aunt's on drugs". FML

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By 464424 - United States - Dayton

Today, my little sister came to me crying about how everyone calls her a bad driver. I gave her a pep talk, an encouraging hug, and told her not to listen to negativity. Five minutes later she wrecked my car. FML

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26362

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By MasterWong

Today, I opened my blinds to see the front yard littered with trash. My neighbor's cat ripped our trash bags open and smeared them all over the lawn. Since it was my turn to take out the trash this week, my family decided I would be the one cleaning up too. FML

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3426

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By LGFLIPSTER - Canada

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

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44611

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By njh - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

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32182

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By fox_at_heart - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my father has been saving money to help me buy my first car. In the same conversation, I found out my mother, unbeknownst to my dad, used nearly all of the money to bail my drunken, deadbeat uncle out of jail for the 4th time a month ago. He is now back in prison. FML

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12748

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757

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By Trash - France

Today, a girl was coming on to me throughout an entire concert, giving me drinks. At the end of the evening, she gave me her MSN address so that we could do other things together. Thanks to all the drinks I'd had, I forgot her address. FML

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8366

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02

Unforgettable

Today, I was mistaken for an employee at my grandmother's funeral. There were only twelve of us there, all family. FML

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917

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By Anonymous

Not a biology major

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

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1567

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250

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By klutz - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

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14802

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By k - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

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20492

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By everybodysfool - United States

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

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Top comments

By thatnucca | 36

#5646175 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:02

If she's old enough to drive and crush a car, then she's old enough to start taking responsibility for her actions. Let her get a part-time job to at least help you pay for the personal damages.

By fancyturdhat | 11

#5646171 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:00

Since when does insurance not cover that which you crash into?

COMMENTS

By CaptMurdock | 25

#5646170 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:00

Garage sales suck anyway. I just hope they didn't actually have anything nice in there.

tanekdrachonae | 19

#5646184 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:05

I agree and would like to add, at least she didn't hit a person.

jolie21 | 18

#5646222 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:15

That's one way of crashing a garage sale

K410 | 18

#5646223 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:16

Women ffs driving isn't that hard -.-

Welshite | 39

#5646234 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:23

Look, guys, another sexist!

SlapAndTickle | 20

#5646312 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 17:23

#26 It's been moderated. Now I'm itching to know what he said and figure out how far I should metaphorically shove my foot up his ass. :(

Shy_Anne | 10

#5647041 - Wednesday 28 August 2013 4:50

That's a funny place to crash

Debragga99 | 6

#5651300 - Saturday 31 August 2013 1:07

58 You ruined it. I hope you're happy.

By fancyturdhat | 11

#5646171 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:00

Since when does insurance not cover that which you crash into?

niallo | 23

#5646264 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:48

Agreed. Insurance is primarily to protect other people and their property. Unless the stuff at the garage sale was really crap.

TheDrifter | 23

#5646329 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 17:42

Basic insurance here is plpd (public liability and property damage) covering your vehicle in an at fault situation is optional, reimbursing those you injured (financially or physically) isn't.

By gavagoul | 10

#5646172 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:01

Time to take away the phone

ColdplaySucks | 18

#5646221 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:15

Forget the phone, revoke her driving privilages.

gavagoul | 10

#5646398 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 18:52

Why not both :D

narrowords | 18

#5646950 - Wednesday 28 August 2013 2:53

Amen. Lucky she didn't kill someone or herself.

By jc10x | 8

#5646173 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:01

Wow, I would make her pay for it.

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5646174 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:01

Happy buying!!

By thatnucca | 36

#5646175 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:02

If she's old enough to drive and crush a car, then she's old enough to start taking responsibility for her actions. Let her get a part-time job to at least help you pay for the personal damages.