Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though,...

By Idontknowwhattodo - 27/8/2013 10:17 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

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Kids

Don't give up

Everyone's an expert

Headache

By beardedlady - 2/7/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

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By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - 14/8/2017 07:00 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

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By SarahAnne - 13/8/2019 22:00

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I think I'm average looking. He told me that it was OK, unless he wakes up tomorrow with some standards, I'm good enough. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2014 01:07 - United Kingdom - Burnley

Today, my boyfriend gave me an anniversary present to mark 5 years of us being together. It was a Mooncup. FML

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By Moimoi78 - 1/2/2017 05:00 - Australia - Eatons Hill

What? It's just helpful advice because we know better.

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

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By Teddy - 26/11/2012 20:54 - United States - Gardner

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

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By panos016 - 15/7/2011 13:51 - United Kingdom

Today, after 14 rice-filled days in China, I came back home. What's for lunch? Rice. FML

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By Anonycock - 6/1/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

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By lolomg - 8/9/2011 01:22 - New Zealand

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

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By Sarsippius - 18/5/2013 05:22

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

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By xBubbles38 - 18/7/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

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By andrie09 - 7/7/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

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By BruisedPride - 10/9/2019 12:00

Tumblr

Today, I fell down concrete stairs trying to plug my computer into an outlet. I now have a twisted ankle, scrape on my elbow and a huge scratch across my laptop. The best part? The outlet wasn't even working. FML

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By machina - 16/7/2019 04:01

Today, I approached my mother for comfort, because I've been feeling depressed and unloved by anyone lately. She replied, “Honestly, I stopped loving you back when you were a toddler.” FML

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By nooneatall - 15/1/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

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By failure - 28/6/2009 01:00 - Australia

Today, I was sitting at the park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I would like to play the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said no thanks, to which the kid responded 'but there is nobody else ugly enough.' FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I was on a plane with my grandma. A cute guy sat down next to her. She asked his age. He told her he was 16. She said, "Oh, that's how old my granddaughter here is." She then turned to me and said loudly, "You should switch seats with me, he's HOT!" Well, at least Grandma loves me. FML

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By Mikey - 28/4/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

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By bellerz14 - 23/12/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

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By Nemo - 11/6/2017 12:00

Today, I got an e-mail from a company saying that I would not be a good fit for them. Strangely, it's quite similar to an e-mail they sent me last month. And the month before. They aren't generated e-mails, each one is different. They just e-mail me every month to remind me that I suck. FML

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By missyoudad. - 31/8/2010 07:54 - Australia

Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML

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By Marriedtoajew - 3/1/2018 19:00

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

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By Gumfanatic302 - 7/5/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

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By Lisa - 19/9/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

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By not mine! - 16/6/2020 05:07

It wasn't me

Today, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to break up with my boyfriend and kick him out after his second relapse. A few hours later, I had police banging down my door. To get back at me, my now ex had called the cops and anonymously reported all the drugs he’d hidden around my house. FML

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By faza4327 - 6/4/2011 07:43 - Australia

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

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By Thatgirl112 - 8/9/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

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By Labelme - 2/1/2010 08:26 - United States

Today, I learned that instead of discarding expired products at my work, we change the label to make them 'expire' later. FML

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By Angelthecat - 6/3/2020 00:01

Now listen here, you lot…

Today, I sent out a Happy Snow Day text to 20 of my closest friends. My boyfriend, who doesn't have an iPhone, didn't realize it was a group text. He sent back a text breaking up with me. To all the people in the group message. FML

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By Alicia - 21/1/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

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By shewhopoopsinlitterboxes - 25/7/2014 15:54 - United States - Downingtown

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

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By Unsuspecting - 16/4/2016 12:23 - United States

Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML

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By Still Waiting - 16/8/2016 18:54 - United States - Wenatchee

Today, I had an appointment. After 2 hours of waiting in the sun, my mom finally picked me up and lectured me on how irresponsible my dad was for not communicating with her. Not 5 minutes after I got home, my dad showed up and gave me the same exact lecture about my mom. FML

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By Awkward - 14/4/2016 00:29 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was caller number nine on the radio, meaning I technically won the contest. I was too awkward, so they hung up on me. FML

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By heeeeeyitsbrittney - 9/5/2019 08:00

Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML

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By [...] - 12/12/2013 14:28 - France - Vaulx-en-velin

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

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By ShinedownCM - 23/9/2018 05:00

Today, I went to apply for classes at a college my parents signed me up to do dual credit with. Too bad they used my sister's social security number so I don't get credit for my old classes and my new application got thrown out. FML

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By petlover - 23/11/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I had to put my 17 year old cat down. I cried the whole way up to the vet's office and back. After finally coming to terms with the situation, and trying to forget, my dad's friend walks up to me and says, "So, I heard you killed your cat?" FML

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By 43_clothespins_later - 21/11/2013 00:12 - United States - Richmond

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2016 13:40 - Belgium - Ieper

Today, I realised what kind of man I married when I finally shelved his book, "Getting Things Done", still untouched 3 months after buying it. FML

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Top comments

By thatnucca | 36

#5646175 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:02

If she's old enough to drive and crush a car, then she's old enough to start taking responsibility for her actions. Let her get a part-time job to at least help you pay for the personal damages.

By fancyturdhat | 11

#5646171 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:00

Since when does insurance not cover that which you crash into?

COMMENTS

By CaptMurdock | 25

#5646170 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:00

Garage sales suck anyway. I just hope they didn't actually have anything nice in there.

tanekdrachonae | 19

#5646184 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:05

I agree and would like to add, at least she didn't hit a person.

jolie21 | 18

#5646222 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:15

That's one way of crashing a garage sale

K410 | 18

#5646223 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:16

Women ffs driving isn't that hard -.-

Welshite | 39

#5646234 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:23

Look, guys, another sexist!

SlapAndTickle | 20

#5646312 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 17:23

#26 It's been moderated. Now I'm itching to know what he said and figure out how far I should metaphorically shove my foot up his ass. :(

Shy_Anne | 10

#5647041 - Wednesday 28 August 2013 4:50

That's a funny place to crash

Debragga99 | 6

#5651300 - Saturday 31 August 2013 1:07

58 You ruined it. I hope you're happy.

By fancyturdhat | 11

#5646171 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:00

Since when does insurance not cover that which you crash into?

niallo | 23

#5646264 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:48

Agreed. Insurance is primarily to protect other people and their property. Unless the stuff at the garage sale was really crap.

TheDrifter | 23

#5646329 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 17:42

Basic insurance here is plpd (public liability and property damage) covering your vehicle in an at fault situation is optional, reimbursing those you injured (financially or physically) isn't.

By gavagoul | 10

#5646172 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:01

Time to take away the phone

ColdplaySucks | 18

#5646221 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:15

Forget the phone, revoke her driving privilages.

gavagoul | 10

#5646398 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 18:52

Why not both :D

narrowords | 18

#5646950 - Wednesday 28 August 2013 2:53

Amen. Lucky she didn't kill someone or herself.

By jc10x | 8

#5646173 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:01

Wow, I would make her pay for it.

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5646174 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:01

Happy buying!!

By thatnucca | 36

#5646175 - Tuesday 27 August 2013 16:02

If she's old enough to drive and crush a car, then she's old enough to start taking responsibility for her actions. Let her get a part-time job to at least help you pay for the personal damages.