Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as I fed my dog his dinner of chicken offal, a drumstick, a wing, a mackerel, and a raw egg, my dad bitched and moaned that I waste money feeding him meat instead of just buying the cheapest kibble at the store. FML
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML
Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter thought it was funny that the chicken on her plate and chickens on farms are called the same name. I had my mouth full so I couldn’t stop my rotten eldest son from saying, “That’s because chicken is dead chickens.” Cue her crying while my son cackled like a sociopath. FML
Today, I gave my dad $40 and asked him if he could get me lunch on his way back home. Long story short, he came back empty handed telling me it was my fault for trusting him with McNuggets. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML
Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because, "It's chicken, not salmon." FML
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Top comments
zAstonish 20
I don't know about the chickens, but you may have been raised brainless.
classicsparkles 17
Because it makes sense for an animal to not have bones.
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Comments (87)
Livin_Like_Larry 29
Lol, I can just imagine a blob of a chicken just lying around because it has no bones and can't move
Goblin182 27
gullible people deserve all that they get.
Sandman366 6
And what would that be? A joke at their expense? It's not like a random letter you've never heard of that needs all of your money for you to get the payout, it's a "Boneless chicken are actual chickens without bones to start with, duh."
Eloxia 7
Also, OP, chocolate milk comes from brown cows.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Don't feel bad, OP. Until that last sentence, I was reading this and thinking "wow, I never knew you could raise boneless chicken, that's amazing".
gabagabaheyu 10
sad. the disassociation between some humans and food.
FutueMeamVitam 24
Don't forget to ask about the ranch where they raise the boneless chickens.
marcmaralou 15
it's ok. when I was younger my dad convinced me that the only reason I was allergic to peanuts was because I got a jar of peanut butter stuck on my head and almost suffocated.
rocker_chick23 27
You were little, OP is 22.
NightKat 25
YDI, you're an idiot OP
uchihadesendent 14
yeah I hate that to especially when they make it believable about a topic I'm not familiar with
angelpaige 8
Ha