Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in,... - FML

By Anonymous - 7/6/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

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Dangling modifier

KoBabe

Great guy

By Anonymous - 20/1/2014 21:16 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML

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By Jess - 5/12/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

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By noluckwhatsoever - 6/1/2010 16:44 - United States

Today, after months of job hunting, I got a call back for a position. I was outside at the time and had no pen or paper available to write the address down. I told the guy to call me back in 5 minutes and he agreed. It's been 3 hours and still no call. FML

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By terrified - 9/8/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

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By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

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By unfortunate - 25/4/2012 04:50 - Sweden

Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML

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By TalkedTo - 14/11/2018 03:00

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

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By soccer8goalie - 3/9/2014 02:13 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

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By Ania - 15/10/2011 05:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML

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By onebadwave - 21/8/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML

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By somewhatlucky - 27/12/2011 09:42 - United States

Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML

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By violet - 29/11/2009 22:52 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed minding my own business when my mom entered the room. I was proposed to a few weeks ago by my boyfriend, and my mom came in to tell me that my boyfriend's mom was on the phone. Turns out, he stole the engagement ring from her drawer. FML

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By BackToRehab - 26/2/2011 21:53 - Canada

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

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By huj - 25/9/2010 21:49 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

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By ToiletRoll - 29/3/2015 12:49 - Australia - Frankston

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started unrolling the toilet paper, the whole roll fell off the handle and rolled out underneath the cubicle door. I heard somebody laugh at me. Nobody helped. FML

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By LaughingFML - 1/6/2016 21:33 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 20:01

What goes around…

Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML

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By Frozen Food Fan - 11/8/2015 14:29 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I posted on Facebook about a cooking mishap I had. My fiancé and ex then spent the next hour trading stories of my other kitchen disasters in the comments. FML

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By steph - 31/10/2008 07:11 - France

Today, my ex-girlfriend told me that she can't live without me, but she has another boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2014 06:44 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 02:00

Live dumping

Today, I was having a mass lecture, for 3 classes combined, all microphones muted. I wanted to go to the toilet, so I connected my headphones, and I did my job massively while listening to the teacher. Suddenly, the teacher said, "Oh, close your mic for the love of god." 85 students heard me taking a shit. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 02:07 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

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By annoyed - 20/2/2013 20:33 - United States - Paradise Valley

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML

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By Thorin - 25/1/2010 21:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I cut myself deeply with an expensive razor that advertised it's impossible to cut yourself with. Twice. Guess I always was an overachiever. FML

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By blondebarbie271 - 26/7/2015 23:55 - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML

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By Me - 31/1/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

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By CrappyLuck - 4/8/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2016 22:02

Today, what was meant to be a fun hour-long paddle with a friend turned into a 5 hour ordeal involving a coast guard helicopter, an ambulance, a hospital visit and a ruined canoe. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

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By i guess - 3/5/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2012 18:01 - United States

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2019 00:01

Sounds illegal

Today, I got a lot of tips at work, but little did I know our boss takes it out of our paychecks. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2012 23:20 - Sri Lanka - Piliyandala

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

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By 4_and_20_blackbits - 26/8/2013 08:38 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, while baking, I was joined by my roommate who doesn't really cook. I was making a batch of dough and she volunteered to help. After showing her how to knead, she really got into it. Afterwards, I asked why she wanted to help. "It really cleans my nails", she said. FML

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By rybread - 1/3/2010 00:34 - United States

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

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Top comments

By genius_man16 | 0

#279472 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:16

You are such an idiot. This is why girls need to stop playing hard to get, they just make themselves look stupid, or you will do it too much and the guy will give up. How about just saying "Hi" next time like a normal person?

YDI

By ssophie7714 | 0

#279439 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:12

HAHAHAHA, at least he notices you!

COMMENTS

By ssophie7714 | 0

#279439 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:12

HAHAHAHA, at least he notices you!

Reply

isaiaha11 | 2

#1471395 - Wednesday 29 September 2010 2:40

i couldnt stop laughing at that commet

Reply

evamusical | 12

#3508534 - Saturday 29 October 2011 15:46

17 again, anyone?

Reply

sr101998 | 0

#3655327 - Tuesday 29 November 2011 0:20

The OP what a retard. I'm sorry. But really you gotta have a plan, and if that fails you need a backup plan. I'm sorry but fail much?

Reply

ProfessionalTrol_fml | 14

#4328839 - Friday 20 April 2012 1:23

OP, and that's why you're going to stay single...

By Ughsucks | 0

#279441 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:12

YDI

Reply

isaiaha11 | 2

#1668851 - Tuesday 9 November 2010 1:08

agreed and i agree with 307

Reply

JazzHandsFML | 28

#6219036 - Monday 2 March 2015 15:32

Then just hit thumbs up...

By staringatnothing | 0

#279455 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:14

well I mean....XD thats just kind of dumb

Reply

Goldenberry_fml | 14

#4677105 - Wednesday 11 July 2012 21:05

Haha yea, and that's why playing hard to get is retarded, because sometimes if you play too hard, you'll just end up pissing off the guy and you'll just die alone with 98 cats.

By diki_fml | 2

#279459 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:15

HAHAHAHA

By ander3w | 0

#279464 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:15

ur sthoooopid!

By OppositesAttract_fml | 0

#279465 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:15

Wow. That... I don't even have words for that. YDI.

By Atreyu_Love | 0

#279467 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:15

YDI BITCH HAHAHAH

By BaldOuting | 0

#279468 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:15

why would having earphones in make you hard to get?

By genius_man16 | 0

#279472 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:16

You are such an idiot. This is why girls need to stop playing hard to get, they just make themselves look stupid, or you will do it too much and the guy will give up. How about just saying "Hi" next time like a normal person?

YDI

Reply

lamezzzville | 0

#550632 - Wednesday 9 September 2009 11:43

perfect #9 exactly what I feel... YDI

why the hell do girls feel the need to play hard to get or act not interested when they are... all it does is make the guy think that the girl does NOT like him and usually the guy will end up with someone else. Then you females come on here and be like

"today there was this totally hott guy who I had a chance with but instead I played a game like a 13 year old, and now hes diddling my cousin/sister/friend FML"

Reply

HeyThereLove | 0

#1194182 - Thursday 5 August 2010 16:24

well some girls, while playing hard to get, are still very flirty. maybe op was trying to flirt.... but compleatly failed.

Reply

simpleplan239999 | 1

#2447477 - Monday 2 May 2011 23:34

I wanna know how old the OP was... like 13?

Reply

Calia061908 | 4

#3589804 - Tuesday 15 November 2011 19:34

I agree your an idiot lmfao. I can't stop laughing ahaha who dthe fuck does that ??

By MakeMeMoo | 0

#279473 - Sunday 7 June 2009 20:16

Wow...