Love: Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging...

By SariLone - 19/05/2013 18:02 - India - Mumbai

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 985

You deserved it 8 675

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Same thing different taste

By badtasteinmen - 15/10/2015 18:19 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 401

You deserved it 1 849

By Anonymous - 22/01/2016 19:31 - United States - Cloquet

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 557

You deserved it 1 572

Creep

By fu2then - 09/03/2010 06:04 - Canada

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He said, "Yeah well, you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 903

You deserved it 4 142

Drunken mess

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 17:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 166

You deserved it 4 503

A real mess

By huh? - 09/05/2022 00:01

Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 236

Hit the road Jack

By Denise - 03/03/2024 03:00 - United States - Palm Beach

Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband threw an epic tantrum, with crying, snotty nose, throwing himself on the floor, grabbing me by my feet, begging me not to leave him, and that he’s “so sorry” after I confronted him about the sexts and nudes he’s been sending to another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 98

By thesporkhop - 25/01/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 079

You deserved it 4 092

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 02:20 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, with whom I'm still madly in love, called me and begged me to come back to him. In shock, I asked, "Is this some kind of joke?" He giggled, said yes, and then promptly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 488

You deserved it 7 094

Master manipulator

By Anonymous - 08/03/2022 16:00

Today, my ex dropped our son off at the same time as I was having my women's support group. I've spent months telling them what a manipulative bastard he is, yet within minutes he had them so enthralled, I somehow became the bitch ex-wife, over-exaggerating about him because I'm bitter, and should "be nicer" to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 272

By jflac - 24/12/2014 12:03 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 951

You deserved it 2 844

JayElleBee 15

Sunday 19 May 2013 22:49

Cockgoblin. Well, there's a word I'm going to use for the rest of my life.

Wizardo 33

Sunday 19 May 2013 22:47

The shit people do for sex... also this guy needs help, I recommend Tiger Woods' therapist.

Comments

rita0ral 8

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:12

Cockgoblin hehe

alslulu 15

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

le_jynx 7

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:16

EX-girlfriend

BlackPhenom 9

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:15

This dude must've watched one too many TV shows.

thapora 8

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:16

You must be really good in bed for him to go though all of that lol

stanjohnson 11

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

kikks_xx 10

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:24

How the **** did you fall or that?

awkward_gothlady 32

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:27

Who says she fell for it? In the original post, the only thing that's clear is what he did, not how OP reacted.

SansVostro 7

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:41

won't be funny when he really does get kidnapped......well, it might be

Korra_fml 23

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:42

cockgoblin... EPIC!

LyraAlluse 25

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:45

Sounds like the plot to a soap opera.

mikeymayhem_87 15

Sunday 19 May 2013 23:46

Cockgoblin.... Sounds like some foul creature in a Lord of the Rings porno spoof!!

Dawnstempest 17

Monday 20 May 2013 0:16

You have my sword, and my bow, and my axe.

mikeymayhem_87 15

Monday 20 May 2013 18:33

The cockgoblins are marching forth!!! Gird your loins!!!

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The Top

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 792

You deserved it 204

Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 220

The Top

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. The worst part is I’m currently stuck in his house and can’t even deal with a fight right now. Why? Because I just had surgery this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 347

Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 612

You deserved it 4 950

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend. The movie was in 3D, and he couldn't help but notice it would be much cooler if you could feel what the characters did. He spent the next two hours slapping me every time the person in the movie did, claiming the movie would be "better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 053

You deserved it 6 315

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 871

You deserved it 4 248

Today, my brother-in-law's wife sent me a text venting about her argument with our mother-in-law. She also said said some nasty things about her and I mistakenly shared this info with my “trusted” husband, who immediately told his hot-tempered-momma's girl-IDGAF attitude older sister, who now plans on beating her ass. This is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 530

Today, my friend invited me over for a sleepover. Only she didn’t tell me until it was time to go to bed that she expected me to sleep on the floor, as she had three dogs sleeping on the couch, and two more in her bed. She could’ve at least warned me to bring an air mattress or something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 105