Love: Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and...

By badtasteinmen - United States - Beaverton

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26299

You deserved it

1825

Favorite

Love

Let's go girls!

Deadly cocktail

Runner up

By anonymous - United States - Ballwin

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26538

You deserved it

2036

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46877

You deserved it

8696

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39983

You deserved it

4061

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27599

You deserved it

8506

Favorite

By SingleAgain - United States - Saukville

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34841

You deserved it

3075

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27237

You deserved it

3438

Favorite

By Forge - United States - Taylor

Today, I went to my grandma's yard sale, only to find my baby pictures being sold for 25 cents each. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43935

You deserved it

3459

Favorite

By Jen1444 - United States - Rockaway Park

Ouch.

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4648

You deserved it

935

Favorite

By justine

Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1264

You deserved it

555

Favorite

By Blondie - United States

Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9645

You deserved it

40963

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5908

You deserved it

866

Favorite

By proteinboy - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11676

You deserved it

30337

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34468

You deserved it

2414

Favorite

By 205 - United States

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33651

You deserved it

2140

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33651

You deserved it

2767

Favorite

By Fish Breath - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10973

You deserved it

4076

Favorite

By Anonymous - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my roommate called me, but she's a cunt so I ignored her. A few hours later, I found out her mom and dad were in a serious car accident and she needed a ride to go see them at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12938

You deserved it

32100

Favorite

By Anne - United States

Today, I spoke to my ex again for the first time after our breakup. The first words out of his mouth were, "I love you, so I'm going to have to confess some things in the hopes that my honesty will help us get back together." It didn't, but it does mean I have to get tested now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33750

You deserved it

3227

Favorite

By paula434 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33476

You deserved it

4008

Favorite

By notastoner - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35529

You deserved it

5578

Favorite

By Srain - Australia

Today, feeling confident, I asked my boyfriend what he thought of my new body, since I had lost 16 kilos over the past month. He told me that he missed the old me and wanted me to gain weight again. My boyfriend was the one that encouraged me to lose weight in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33376

You deserved it

3837

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found a leather book in my husband's sock drawer with "BRO CODE" on the front. It was blank except for the last page, which said, "NICE TRY SUSAN BUT EVERYONE KNOWS BRO CODE IS UNWRITTEN AND FOR GUYS ONLY". Well-played, husband. Well-played. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2249

You deserved it

4386

Favorite

By punchedhelper - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25141

You deserved it

4065

Favorite

By abigiggles

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2329

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By "mynameissecretlyjeff" - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burnt cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4145

You deserved it

351

Favorite

By Js2cool - United States - Fitchburg

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22005

You deserved it

7079

Favorite

By Dang - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in class with a water bottle on my desk. I was on my phone not paying attention, when some girl knocked it over by accident. I went to grab it, even though it was in the corner of my eye. I caught the bottle of water but I also happened to grab her ass at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6331

You deserved it

1154

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2020 08:00

Hello everyone!

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2194

You deserved it

272

Favorite

By singlesoon - Canada

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40642

You deserved it

7110

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I realised being the only female engineering student sucks. I have exactly one friend, because everyone else is too busy staring at my boobs to have a conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30669

You deserved it

4815

Favorite

By mn167109 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34261

You deserved it

2648

Favorite

By Une Fille - Canada

Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18202

You deserved it

44112

Favorite

By best_friend - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32431

You deserved it

9920

Favorite

By too good - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44876

You deserved it

14450

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/1/2021 20:01

Parting gift

Today, the girl who lived downstairs and who was also sleeping with my guy moved out. She left a stack of my mail she had been taking at my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

836

You deserved it

Favorite

By GodDamnFan - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43129

You deserved it

5775

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Odenton

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56871

You deserved it

7155

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19781

You deserved it

34527

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24447

You deserved it

3143

Favorite

By niii - France

Today, as I often do, I had a shag in my old car. I am 25, my boyfriend is 28 and we are still living at our parents' house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22105

You deserved it

13936

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By kotaro66 | 10

#6436270 - Friday 16 October 2015 1:35

You can always call the cops

By DEATHLORD_fml | 16

#6436264 - Friday 16 October 2015 1:34

Time to buy an M9......or maybe just get a restraining order or something....

COMMENTS

By DEATHLORD_fml | 16

#6436264 - Friday 16 October 2015 1:34

Time to buy an M9......or maybe just get a restraining order or something....

Mossyoak_kw | 28

#6436468 - Friday 16 October 2015 4:51

I think I'd go with the M9. A restraining order is just a piece of paper.

beantownchivette | 8

#6436508 - Friday 16 October 2015 5:39

Start with a restraining order. That can serve as a filler until the paperwork for the gun clears

spacefish966 | 18

#6436628 - Friday 16 October 2015 8:19

go out and dick punch the fool.

Onoconah | 11

#6437500 - Saturday 17 October 2015 12:47

don't get an M9. for a community neighbourhood the round will go right through him and most likely strike another person and harm them BUT you can get a 12 gauge just the sound of someone pumping one of those is enough to make anyone Shit

By kotaro66 | 10

#6436270 - Friday 16 October 2015 1:35

You can always call the cops

By JustinJK | 21

#6436274 - Friday 16 October 2015 1:36

He sounds like an outstanding gentleman.

By amileah13 | 26

#6436279 - Friday 16 October 2015 1:37

Run as far away as you can from him. And yes, get the police involved. Get a restraining order and yes even though it's just a piece of paper, it could really help you.