Today, my co-worker and I got into an argument. It ended with him threatening me to roll my balls with a paint roller until they looked like "fresh, popping doughs". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited a friend at work with a couple of other friends. We like to play pranks, so we went to his register and started loudly discussing our masturbation habits as a joke. Some bitch complained, and his boss fired him and kicked us all out. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML
Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML
Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML
Today, my co-worker threw a rubber mallet at my face, and I broke my finger in the process of saving my face. She then told me to "take it up with HR, bitch". She's the HR manager. FML
Today, at work I was bored so I started to doodle on MS paint. My boss walks by and asks me to join him in his office. When I do so, he fires me for drawing offensive material. I drew a rainbow. FML
Today, at work, I was talking to a colleague about what the worst pain he ever experienced was. He said his was being bitten by a dog, and I said I didn't know. Next thing, I was kicked in the balls from a behind by another work colleague. She said, "What about that?" I agreed, it was. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
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Top comments
ellyhan 11
Well, that got my attention.
xStarzx 11
That's a little harsh
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Comments (31)
elhombroske 4
I like this.
MadJessTic 29
What the hell kind of argument would end with a threat as precise as that??
Algorithm 24
If he meant it seriously that's ****** up, but if not...one of my fiancee's high school friends is a freckled ginger dude. His sister once, while they were arguing, yelled "at least I don't look like someone shit on me through a screen door!!". Point is, the best kind of insults/threats are the ones that're so ridiculous that you start laughing and can't even be angry anymore.
weatherxveins 29
The descriptiveness of this makes it a great insult.
aliciousness116 16
Think this threat was premeditated. How it must have pleased him to say it out loud.
vikky538 29
That paint better be environment friendly
Ladyuniscorn_1 7
I think he just angrily offered a sexual favor...
Ninjerman 7
Sounds to me like a lawsuit lucrative enough to buy some new balls should the need arise
Noblemother1969 7
what an imagination
OrganicSistah 17
How creative.