Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after...

By SayItToMyFace - 11/11/2015 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 945

You deserved it 1 515

Love

Hiding from the drama

Who talks to you like that at work?

Kids will be kids

Bean.

By BeanThereRuinedThat - 22/03/2017 12:00

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 1 023

Corporate logic

By AloisTrancy - 24/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 78

By bready - 16/02/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I drank a ton of beers for my 25th birthday. My friends love to watch me open beer bottles with my teeth. I chipped both of my front uppers doing this. I'm no longer covered by my parents dental insurance because I'm 25 now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 71 972

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 18:30

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw I had 2 kids she wanted to know why I bothered since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 544

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 02:00

Today, I was feeling sick so I decided to lay down. As soon as I did, I felt the sudden urge to throw up, so I ran to the bathroom. When I bent over the toilet to throw up, my glasses fell in along with my vomit. Before I had a chance to retrieve them, I threw up again. And again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 156

By Soundofaboner - 23/04/2013 16:08 - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 310

You deserved it 10 080

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 298

You deserved it 83 012

By brileyyyy - 12/01/2010 03:40 - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 687

You deserved it 4 245

By daddy'sgirl - 21/06/2012 04:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 173

You deserved it 75 253

By Heethersays - 03/07/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 325

You deserved it 7 627

Right place, wrong person

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 05:01

Today, I came home and heard a noise in the bathroom. I figured it was my girlfriend, so I went over and as the door closed, I told her not to close the door as I've seen her beautiful body before. Turns out it was our roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 1 005

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 772

You deserved it 3 883

By Username - 08/07/2011 20:02 - United States

Today, I noticed a woman struggling to work a parking meter, so I went over to help. She took one look at me before screaming, hitting me in the face, and running back to her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 138

You deserved it 3 601

By bsulyingb - 24/11/2013 19:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 511

You deserved it 2 974

By Anonymous - 14/08/2018 15:00

Today, my boyfriend's car broke down on the way to the gym, so he called his dad to give us a ride. On the way, his dad talked about how much he hates me and our relationship, as if I wasn’t sitting in the back seat directly behind them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 983

You deserved it 194

By sysadmin:~# rm -rf / - 12/09/2013 19:40 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 635

You deserved it 7 403

By Anonymous - 13/06/2014 19:13 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 216

You deserved it 5 024

Batman ruins another relationship

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend asked what my sexual fantasy was, and I said Catwoman. She got disgusted at me, because according to her, Catwoman is 15 years-old or something. Turns out she has only seen Gotham, featuring Catgirl as a teenager, and not the grown-up Halle Berry version I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 169

By clumsyandpoor - 03/12/2014 04:05 - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 616

You deserved it 3 862

By ShakeRattleHiss - 20/04/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 132

You deserved it 4 718

By amorousintx - 26/09/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 267

You deserved it 4 155

By bigdawg702 - 26/09/2009 05:34 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 283

You deserved it 68 920

By Scumbagmemory - 22/01/2012 04:17 - United States

Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 323

You deserved it 11 645

By naughtytwinsisters - 25/02/2011 08:27 - Philippines

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 627

You deserved it 33 333

By Anonymous - 04/01/2009 05:24 - France

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 685

You deserved it 2 037

By whatthewhat - 18/11/2009 19:52 - United States

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 131

You deserved it 3 292

By TuteSweet - 12/08/2011 06:17 - United States

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 481

You deserved it 4 779

By izhamilton - 20/02/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 960

You deserved it 2 754

By Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 751

You deserved it 38 516

By Anonymous - 13/08/2015 04:39 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 411

You deserved it 5 732

By IvyBlackeyes - 29/08/2018 01:30

Today, I sprained my ankle at dance class. No, I was not dancing when I did it. I was trying to step off on a small mat so I could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 259

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 095

You deserved it 6 768

Method acting

By Anonymous - 27/05/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 717

You deserved it 34 326

By Can't Unsee - 25/08/2018 22:00

Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 527

His type

By hannieannie - 12/07/2020 02:02

Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 161

By HURP - 17/06/2015 15:41 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 025

You deserved it 13 097

By FabFor87 - 19/12/2016 16:15 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my boss asked me to send an email on his behalf with an important report attached. I've already received 3 responses from directors commenting on poor spelling and factual errors. I get paid 1/4 the salary of my boss and he can't even write properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 641

You deserved it 512

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 17:47 - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 025

You deserved it 9 471

Judge and jury

By ToxicSiren - 06/02/2021 14:01

Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 170

Please do it

By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 18:00

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 228

You deserved it 348

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Top comments

gamermonster 34

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:07

People who break up over text are not the people you deserve OP. The best of luck

PurpleKicks 20

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:08

That's flat out, fucked up! I'm sorry to hear this OP. The guy sounds like an ass hat, your a lot better off with out him.

mattiscg 22

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:03

1st sorry had to but yeah FYL @ the very least he could have been man and done it in person.

dca101 23

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

TrippingOnAcid 29

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:08

She was driving home from his

teentee401 36

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:57

I was under the assumption that he wanted to make sure she got home safely...at least until I read the FML.

emilyjgraham 34

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Thursday 12 November 2015 13:32

Agreed, didn't think it was going to end this way! The only plus side I can think of is that she didn't have 40 minutes in the car in tears. Driving whilst crying isn't safe!!

Mauskau 35

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Thursday 12 November 2015 19:11

A guy did this to me before. He asked me to text him to let him know I got home safely, and when I did, he replied saying he wanted to end things etc. It was an incredibly dickish move, but I suppose it was better than letting me drive with it on my mind.

gamermonster 34

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:07

People who break up over text are not the people you deserve OP. The best of luck

dont_touch_my_ca 8

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Thursday 12 November 2015 15:04

While this is 100% true, I'd rather drive 40 miles in shitty weather before I get dumped just so I don't get in a wreck like my emotional ass probably would.

gamermonster 34

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Thursday 12 November 2015 15:10

He could have just asked her for a drink close to home too @22

Deadpoolscomedywriter 6

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Sunday 19 February 2017 7:14

what does OP stand for?

Deadpoolscomedywriter 6

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Sunday 19 February 2017 7:16

nvm I figured it out

PurpleKicks 20

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:08

That's flat out, fucked up! I'm sorry to hear this OP. The guy sounds like an ass hat, your a lot better off with out him.

richardmosqueda 14

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Thursday 12 November 2015 15:24

you're*

gosh_mate 30

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:08

Cowardly of him not to do it in person. Now you can find someone more deserving OP!

friday9733 11

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Friday 13 November 2015 2:33

Maybe he didn't want her to be upset and driving in bad weather. Still shitty.

amberthebear 7

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:11

girl, it may be upsetting and difficult, but if he is that much of an insensitive prick, it's his loss not yours. you deserve better.

spacefish966 18

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:12

Well that sucks......hang in there and keep your chin up.

TaonasB 3

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:16

I don't agree with what he did, but it was a good idea of him to do it after you got home so that you did not drive at night in the rain upset.

bulletsinthewind 21

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:19

Kind of sad he couldn't even do it in person. Not a man of honor. No balls. You're better off without him, and you will find someone better.

HarshD9619 34

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Thursday 12 November 2015 12:37

Not to play the devil's advocate, but the boyfriend may have broken the news to OP after she reached home because he wanted her to drive safely in the bad weather, and driving while upset might not have been best for her safety. Still, he could've done it sometime else then

usnwife 18

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Thursday 12 November 2015 14:02

If he was trying to be nice about it he could have to her... he was just a jerk and a coward

Setareh23 34

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Thursday 12 November 2015 16:38

If he really was worried about her safety, he could have gone to see HER to break up. Or at the very least given her a phone call or something. A text is just damn cold.