Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the influence of drugs. I suffer from severe hay fever, which no antihistamine has fixed yet, hence the red and glassy eyes. FML
Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML
Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML
Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML
Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Today, I had to be an observer for a drug test at work. Me and two others got to watch 130 guys take a piss, and then leave work two hours later than everyone else. FML
Today, the lab wouldn't let me do my pre-employment drug test because they had no time when I had to pee really bad. They signed me in to do other blood work I needed, but when I asked to use the bathroom, they said it was for drug testing only. I peed myself in the lobby and couldn't do the blood test either. FML
Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML
Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML
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Top comments
jDCrackpot 7
Better to pee in a cup in front of a stranger than get fired for refusing to take a drug test. Sure it's uncomfortable but if you haven't taken anything you've got nothing to hide.
alstbv12 13
Yeah he meant that. His iPhone just autocorrected his entire sentence.
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Comments (85)
AllSoul 23
I bet you were pissed after that...
wlddog 14
Ha ha ha. I see what you did there :D
perdix 31
Your boss was probably suspicious of all of the "420" paraphernalia at your desk. Would you rather pee in a cup or explain your creepy homage to Hitler?
nichelback3505 0
Im a guy n i had to do it also infront of a female n i couldnt do it so i told her, well if ur gonna watch then least hold it for me
cosmosis 12
Hardy har har! Dude youre probably 12 judging by the way you spell. Just shut the **** up and learn to respect females who are only doing their job!
cookie_crumble89 11
I feel your pain
gonad_gobbler 1
pee all over the outside of the cup on purpose
izzy7 11
At least your boss had a reason. At my job 5-10 people get tested randomly each week whether we look like we've been doing stuff or not. It's part of life. Better than being unemployed.
j_cat187 20
Wear sunglasses and use eyedrops.
Tswift0806 3
That would probably just make their boss more suspicious...
aFreedom127 9
He probably has a golden shower fetish but didn't want to get caught up in that whole sexual harassment stuff. Just leave him a cup of pee on his desk every morning and laugh every time he closes the door for a little "private time".
TSN619 7
Quit bitching it's not a big deal. Unless the person was literally looking at your stuff while you pissed it's not a big deal. I do it all the time for work.
RedHotMom26 3
Good thing you aren't in the military cuz u would be taking a piss in front of multiple people almost every month. Get over it it's only every now and then!