Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the...

By nzkristy - 3/1/2010 10:59 - New Zealand

Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the influence of drugs. I suffer from severe hay fever, which no antihistamine has fixed yet, hence the red and glassy eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30816

You deserved it

2251

Favorite

Health

Instadrama

Big baby man

Don't give up

By Jenn - 3/7/2013 02:39 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71396

You deserved it

5710

Favorite

By Kelli - 8/4/2020 02:00

That slaps!

Today, the whole time my husband and I had sex, my stomach flab violently slapped my thighs. The harder he pumped, the louder the slapping got. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1298

You deserved it

873

Favorite

By Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23294

You deserved it

8706

Favorite

By Norah - 23/7/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, my mom scolded me for not taking driving lessons already. This comes a few days after she told me that, "Allowing teenagers to drive is just another way of thinning out the gene pool". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29506

You deserved it

3173

Favorite

By Eyalsh - 30/1/2015 04:53 - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27283

You deserved it

2773

Favorite

By wellalrightythen - 9/2/2015 06:23 - United States - Hobart

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40733

You deserved it

2479

Favorite

By independant - 8/11/2018 08:30 - United States - Corvallis

Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2625

You deserved it

426

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/8/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27022

You deserved it

7293

Favorite

By ksa - 4/8/2015 19:06 - Poland - Katowice

Today, my boss made me type up my own written warning, where I had to trash myself and describe my own "shocking incompetence". All the department heads are going to receive a copy of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24187

You deserved it

3004

Favorite

By Bacon0426 - 4/7/2016 21:03 - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12640

You deserved it

1086

Favorite

By mavrick127 - 29/9/2016 14:21 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13053

You deserved it

1735

Favorite

By Nutty - 24/6/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47069

You deserved it

12427

Favorite

By karmaaa - 16/10/2014 20:56 - United States - Huxley

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35722

You deserved it

17660

Favorite

By Oopsie - 20/7/2019 04:00

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1401

You deserved it

213

Favorite

By fabz - 27/11/2015 12:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24907

You deserved it

1609

Favorite

By The L word - 30/1/2009 15:28 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29787

You deserved it

6224

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/7/2019 08:00 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I'm so sick, I'm even sick in my dreams. Orientation for my new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1385

You deserved it

Favorite

By heckaza - 19/1/2016 06:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19524

You deserved it

1898

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9551

You deserved it

39823

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/7/2014 17:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat tried to jump up to the window, and missed. This would have been hilarious if I had not been sleeping under that same window, and then caught him with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41537

You deserved it

4771

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/6/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50224

You deserved it

5563

Favorite

By oc_cheergirl - 6/4/2011 02:32 - United States

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29408

You deserved it

50904

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/2/2013 08:39 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31462

You deserved it

6761

Favorite

By brycepetrillo - 7/9/2013 16:08 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67034

You deserved it

3956

Favorite

By klutz - 27/2/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I wore out the highest heels I had but was nervous about falling because I am such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57367

You deserved it

6037

Favorite

By Disturbed son - 16/9/2018 01:30

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2928

You deserved it

174

Favorite

By dumped - 10/3/2010 12:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35239

You deserved it

4570

Favorite

By kipper - 22/7/2019 12:00

Today, I took my 8 year-old daughter to an airplane museum to show her the kinds of aircraft I’ve worked on during my 30+ year career. In the first 15 minutes, I had grease on my new shirt, bumped my head, spilled coffee and cut my hand. Sums up my career. Only 10 more years to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1349

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By A.Summers - 30/9/2013 22:41 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45856

You deserved it

11427

Favorite

By BigMouth McRedface - 14/5/2010 02:11 - United States

Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10772

You deserved it

33806

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2017 00:00

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6171

You deserved it

557

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30226

You deserved it

2601

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51751

You deserved it

11127

Favorite

By marie12 - 27/3/2011 01:19 - Belgium

Today, I decided to have dinner with three friends to forget about the painful break up with my boyfriend. The first friend announced that she and her boyfriend had just bought a house, the second one that he was no longer single, and the third one revealed that she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40146

You deserved it

4917

Favorite

By KeepinItInTheFamily - 28/10/2018 05:00

Today, my future sister-in-law told me that not only will I have to host her bachelorette party at my new, still under construction house, but she has also booked a sex consultant to come and give a toy presentation. There's a $350 minimum spend. Only 5 people are coming, 4 of which are family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2932

You deserved it

258

Favorite

By jcstpierre - 24/4/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62416

You deserved it

5561

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/9/2011 13:36 - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36949

You deserved it

4233

Favorite

By sadgirl - 16/3/2017 18:00

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6009

You deserved it

425

Favorite

By Laurel - 25/5/2013 04:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50722

You deserved it

9025

Favorite

By yeahno - 31/10/2010 16:10 - United States

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31672

You deserved it

2990

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Emrysa | 1

#753158 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:28

Seriously, tell them it's hayfever, and they can have you tested if they want, if you're innocent?
Not difficult. YDI for not standing up for yourself.

By blland | 0

#753156 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:27

well... now you get a day of rest. well deserved! YDI thus.

Comments

By GruntOfAction | 0

#753118 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:10

That sucks but you can always take Dayquil

catatonicsleep | 17

#753343 - Sunday 3 January 2010 21:57

they've probably tried that if they know no antihystamine works

By zays | 0

#753121 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:12

Get well soon! :/

By GanjAxZermA | 0

#753133 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:16

I agree with #1

By lenasaur | 0

#753140 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:21

you shouldve used the opportunity to smoked up anyway!

By ServeRocks | 0

#753141 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:20

ohhh and follow me on Twitter @serverocks

By Twinklestar | 0

#753144 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:23

I have more trouble believing there's a work place in Southland that would care if it's workers were stoned than I do believing they wouldn't believe you had hayfever in the middle of summer.

fml98kevin | 4

#1945093 - Sunday 9 January 2011 5:56

lol

jenloveslaughs | 6

#4638580 - Sunday 1 July 2012 17:23

6- I'm so confused right now. Like wtf did u just say?

By ChurchofFagenism | 0

#753153 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:25

Of course it was the hayfever, dear.

By blland | 0

#753156 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:27

well... now you get a day of rest. well deserved! YDI thus.

By Emrysa | 1

#753158 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:28

Seriously, tell them it's hayfever, and they can have you tested if they want, if you're innocent?
Not difficult. YDI for not standing up for yourself.

By drag224 | 0

#753183 - Sunday 3 January 2010 20:40

At least you didn't get fired.