Transportation: Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed,...

By lorb101 - Australia - Mount Waverley

Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML

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lorb101 tells us more :

I booked in next week to get it looked at- hopefully it behaves until then!! It just gets super awkward because I'm a 22 year old female and so not the usual candidate for a cheeky drive by beeping!! Thanks for all your concern guys!! Xxx

Transportation

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Taking stock

And today, on Dr Phil…

By D: - United States - Denver

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

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By Courtney - Reserved

Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML

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By blegh - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 02:03

"I Raised a Sociopath"

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

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1966

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By carr - France

Today, my mother noticed that I hadn't taken the trash out in a few weeks and angry, piled various full trash bags on my bed. I've been away on holiday for the past three weeks, I guess she didn't notice that part. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

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By undateable - 18/10/2020 02:01 - United States

Oh, he's a "Nice Guy"

Today, I tried to drown out the petulant whining of my idiot coworker as he droned on and on about how, “bitches don’t appreciate good men.” He’s 35, lives at home, still uses the term 'friendzone' and has the hygiene of a sewer-dwelling ogre. I was written up for for snapping and yelling at him. FML

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By howaboutthemcarrots - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

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By crazytortise - United States

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

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By omgn00blolz89 - United States

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

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By Fefrank

I broke a bolt on my minivan trying to fix the timing belt myself to save money. I spent about 300 dollars in parts. Today I took the van to the shop and the total to fix it is going to be 1200 dollars. FML

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By hopeless - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

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By Hungryman - France

Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML

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By rolled

Today, my angry ex-girlfriend ordered a bong to my house in my name. I came home to my parents screaming at me, demanding to know where "the weed" was. FML

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By holymoly - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

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By drama king? - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

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By Misc. - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were just about to have sex and I was so excited to do it just like the movies. He carried me up and just as he was about to lay me on the bed he sneezed, dropping me at the same time. I hit my head. Now I have 12 stitches where my eyebrow used to be. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2021 23:01

First impressions

Today, while on a date, I accidentally ordered "diet water" instead of saying "diet coke". FML

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635

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By Anonymous - United States - Bliss

Today, I had a half-hour conversation with my parents about going to college. I don't know what's worse, that they were trying to talk me out of it or that they're convinced that I'm going to get knocked up and drop out by the end of my freshman year. FML

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By BleakExpectations

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years revealed he'd got me a complete collection of Charles Dickens' novels for £3 from a charity shop. He was particularly proud as he said it meant he could give me one for Christmas and my birthday each year, thus avoiding having to buy me presents for the next 15+ years. FML

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By NotBuyingATractor - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer service guy called to fix a problem I've been having with my phone. When it transpired that he couldn't help, he transferred me to another representative. This other representative ended up being a John Deere dealer in Michigan. FML

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By stpry of my life - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

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By Brianna Michelle Ferrell

Today, I went on a date with a guy and he kept winking at me. I thought it was really sweet until later that night he told me he had Tourette's. FML

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By ilovemypup

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

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By Sheev - United States - San Francisco

This Charming Man

Today, I was texting the guy I like. I asked him why our friend didn't want to come to the movies with us. He replied, "She didn't want to be the third wheel, but it's not like I'm going to put the moves on you. I'm out of your league, and you're socially awkward anyway." That's just what I wanted. FML

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By kylie - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

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By Megara - United States

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

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By OMFG I LOVE MLP - Germany - Mainz

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

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By analbel

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

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By savanah_aaron

Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML

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By Jlhfan90 - United States

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

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By rarara - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

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By frustrated - Ireland - Killarney

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

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By I_dislike_Twilight - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

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By mat - France

Today, me and my family watched the video of my birth. In the video, when my mother sees me for the first time, she says "God he's ugly!" FML

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By Barney - United States

Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML

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By jadalaheart - United States - Citrus Heights

Distant love

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

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1704

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By Anonymous - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

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By Username - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Amarillo

Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

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Top comments

By Nescology | 11

#6277404 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:43

Take it back to them and explain. Hopefully you won't get too many dirty looks :)

By FlyingLeumer | 19

#6277415 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:46

They may have messed up on the wiring when fixing the other problems. If you go back in, I'm sure they would be happy to fix it!

COMMENTS

By Nescology | 11

#6277404 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:43

Take it back to them and explain. Hopefully you won't get too many dirty looks :)

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6277521 - Thursday 30 April 2015 2:24

At least you weren't pranked where the horn was connected to the brake pedal...

Martnikk | 15

#6277871 - Thursday 30 April 2015 11:44

#22 did that happen to you?

sureshadow | 23

#6278184 - Thursday 30 April 2015 20:24

Poor poor Richard.

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6278185 - Thursday 30 April 2015 20:24

#42, no, but I saw a YouTube video of it. It's hilarious...

By FlyingLeumer | 19

#6277415 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:46

They may have messed up on the wiring when fixing the other problems. If you go back in, I'm sure they would be happy to fix it!

By Madsun11 | 14

#6277416 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:46

Surprised you haven't gotten killed yet.

DropTheDaggerxx | 31

#6277629 - Thursday 30 April 2015 4:53

Same here! A while ago, in my state, this old man's road rage was so extreme that he bumped into the car of the driver he was angry with to get them to pull over, then grabbed a crossbow from his backseat and shot the driver with it. The guy was angry because the other driver had flashed his high beams at him.

Hoping your fate will be better, OP! Fingers crossed you can get it fixed soon.

missambitious | 21

#6277711 - Thursday 30 April 2015 7:09

@31 OMG! That is so creepy and messed up. What state do you live in, if you don't mind me asking?

DropTheDaggerxx | 31

#6278515 - Friday 1 May 2015 4:50

@37 Massachusetts! We're just living up to the "Masshole" name, I guess.

By Ewexz | 17

#6277419 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:47

Heh, that sucks. I would hate to meet you on the road OP! Road rage.

By Meepson | 9

#6277432 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:49

Oh, I thought you were going to say it looked like you were jerking off trying to disable the horn...

By bgreen1111 | 16

#6277433 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:50

Well, have fun "bird" watching!

By nhbasskid13 | 23

#6277438 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:55

you're just honking at the mechanic for fucking up your car, right?

By odamaliekh | 26

#6277439 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:56

Go back and explain them what happened, they'll fix it.
Until then, disable the horn. It's usually pretty simple, just disconnect the wires:) if you don't know which ones it is or can't find them, Google it. There's probably a manual online:) Good luck OP!

By patrickalamo | 47

#6277445 - Thursday 30 April 2015 1:01

Disconnect the wire to the horn...

By abbyade | 21

#6277452 - Thursday 30 April 2015 1:08

That must be such a pain in the ass. I hope you get it sorted.