Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML
Today, my dad came up into my room and told me that as a consequence of breaking my MacBook in anger, he’s punishing me by helping him with yardwork every single hour of the day. FML
Today, my dad threatened to kick me out and cut me off if I didn't apologize to his girlfriend, whom I don't get along with. She found the heavily used textbook I bought from a second hand bookstore, which is full of funny doodles and tons of harsh hate messages to a certain "Susan", which coincidentally is her name. FML
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Top comments
Sethro 1
I guess you probably shouldn't say " duh" in every other sentence then.
theguy33 1
Well I agree with your mom that is pretty funny.
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Comments (104)
Wheredidgrungego 12
Stop being an idiot! DUH!
tylersign 11
Karma is one son of a bitch. *re-reads FML* For excessively saying a word? Never mind, put some damn green dye in his shower head.
IKickPuppiesHard 16
Funny the first day but day three? This is when you start putting baby powder in his car vents and leaving them on high.
gntfmlingnow 12
Or stuff a ***** in the tailpipe
kile88 2
Who the hell uses the word "duh" anymore anyway?
kile88 2
Oh get over yourselves
obamathellama 0
Steal the recorder and put some kind of bugs in it so that when he plays it he gets a sick surprise.
peteyfas 8
Sounds like a "Get out of homework free" pass to me...
2ndSucks 15
It is pretty hilarious. Just use it as an excuse to skip homework.
fmlsaresofunnyy 8
Well duh, of course he would do that. DUHHH
ByronJess 17
Duh. He's a parent. They come up with some annoying stuff. Duh.
MeeshaMeeshaPup 8
ugh. I had a similar situation. my sister would also play with my old recorder (badly) so many times in a day, I just ended up throwing it away. maybe u should do the same when he's not looking, unless you still want to keep it.