Intimacy: Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked...

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 928

You deserved it 8 122

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonn - 23/02/2009 13:14 - Australia

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 142

You deserved it 23 473

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 16:59 - Germany - Dortmund

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 680

You deserved it 10 543

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 228

You deserved it 24 980

By thanks. - 28/01/2017 04:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 956

You deserved it 818

Shame on you!

By Bjax - 11/10/2017 16:00

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 723

You deserved it 392

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 202

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 17 099

Denied

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 22:00

Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 962

You deserved it 2 958

Rejection erection

By paidback - 25/12/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 663

You deserved it 83 297

flufee2 27

Saturday 4 January 2014 1:04

Just start masturbating beside her next time

colvindj 22

Saturday 4 January 2014 1:05

She's a independent woman who don't need no man to get her freak on.

Comments

ZombieGirl95 13

Sunday 5 January 2014 19:42

someone's a jerk

YaSlickWilly 8

Monday 6 January 2014 7:26

And this is why women will never be understood.

JackJones666 2

Monday 13 January 2014 3:53

Let her wake up to you doing it. Then cum in the bitches eye

ethancano 11

Saturday 25 January 2014 21:44

Needed a "hand"? Badum-tssss!! No one? Nevermind.

Pixiecrack 11

Tuesday 28 January 2014 5:55

Just do like my boyfriend does for me, roll over, kiss her and start massaging her arms and tummy, gently work your way down and get to it

idecim8 5

Thursday 30 January 2014 5:47

Next time just jump in. Also, if you two are really comfortable, which it looks like you're not... Try to learn how she likes it done.

xblackoutblondie 5

Thursday 30 January 2014 15:23

This is to funny. Looks like doesn't get good enough dick.

midnafan1 3

Wednesday 25 June 2014 7:19

pfffft..... Women..... amiright?

AFaye3964 17

Wednesday 23 July 2014 3:00

headlock911 17

Wednesday 14 January 2015 15:49

That was punny

Keywords

Gamers Love Video games Gross Weird Health First Dates Smells Technology Parents Kids Annoying Jealousy Dogs Animals AITA Pranks Dreams Family Geek Gun control Relatable Money Amazon Birthday Cute Awkward Abuse Scams Social Media

The Top

Today, no matter how well we tried to raise out daughter, things aren't looking too bright. I was present, I listened, and she told me her problems. My husband was always there for her too, no matter what. She works and studies but her role models consist of celebrities and girls who sell themselves on OnlyFans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 175

Today, I have erectile dysfunction but have also recently gotten a girlfriend. She is very understanding but I decided to try Viagra to get things going. I had the rare reaction of a boner lasting hours that put me in hospital. I can’t win, it’s either no boner at all or a boner that tries to kill itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 171

The Top

Today, I went to a great concert. Against all odds, I got to meet the band. All I had for them to autograph was a flyer protesting their concert that was given to me on the way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 367

You deserved it 5 703

Today, I got a call about a job interview, saying I was hired. I was ecstatic, until they called me back and said they'd called the wrong applicant. They called again later, saying there'd been a mistake and I really was hired. When I went in to confirm it, they said they'd never heard of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 629

You deserved it 3 077

Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 746

You deserved it 35 830

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 210

You deserved it 2 888

Today, I was crying to my sister that my therapist office messed up and didn’t schedule my appointment. My mom overheard and yelled, "You don’t need that mess anyway! Just pray about it!” Being raised with her religious fanaticism is what led to my insomnia, anxiety, depression, and guilt complex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 159

Today, I found out my ex-girlfriend from a few months ago is dating a metalhead. I’m a metalhead and she did not care to explore metal when she was with me. Everything she didn’t care about me, she loves in him. He’s also better at guitar than I am too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 247