Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
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Top comments
flufee2 27
Just start masturbating beside her next time
colvindj 22
She's a independent woman who don't need no man to get her freak on.
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Comments (145)
xRazzSheri 4
If she was upset you interrupted her alone time perhaps she should have left the bed... Though, I'm sire she was just embarressed. :)
annie_nk 23
I've been caught like OP's girlfriend has. It's incredibly embarrassing. It made the rest of the day really awkward. Maybe that's why she isn't talking to OP. Doesn't wanna risk it being brought up or she's still embarrassed.
limabeans101029 21
But #16 if she felt that awkward about him seeing her **********, it probably wasn't a good idea to start masturbating while lying right next to him
RedPillSucks 33
And if she was embarrassed, why call him a pervert
HotRose 18
I know it's so strange, but when anyone gets embarrassed one of a few things could happen. Red face, recoil, and leave**. These people don't say anything, they just can't speak out of their embarrassment. Red face, anger, and leave**. These people say something snappy, mean, hurtful, because that's how they feel at that moment. It's a unintentional reaction, and out of reflex. Red face, upset, cry, and leave**. These people may or may not say anything, get really upset and don't want to talk about it. **By leave, I mean leave the discussion, ignore it, and/or turn away; not necessarily leaving the room or place. I am one that naturally attacks out of embarrassment. I almost always apologize immediately, because what I say is usually uncalled for, and nonsense compared to the situation. I'm sure there are more reactions shown from embarrassment, but I hope this clears up why she may have been embarrassed.
bubblyhayley 16
i would openly ********** infront of my ex... and also while he slept...but if he ever woke up n caught me id have been mortified, and embarrassed because doing it while he slept beside me was a 'naughty' thing to do. And he definitely would not have approved! in 3 years he never caught me once :-)
Hiimhaileypotter 53
#104- Your ex that you dated for 3 years didn't approve of you masturbating? Wtf?
vividpictures 17
#46 Maybe she secretly wanted to get caught but she didn't know how to react when she actually did.
Smeedz 8
Wow calling you pervert. She's the one doing it next to you.
Gatitamew 4
Ikr.
volkener12 1
She likes to fly solo :(
Keattles 14
I would just start masturbating beside her, then call her a pervert if she noticed, but I'd say it in a joking way!
Ihavegas 22
dude she wasn't thinking of you when rubbing one out.
6FootUnder 11
Hahahaha oh shit!
iamsDaniel 8
Don't give her a hand when she needs help opening the pickle jar too
MysticMonkey 9
I don't like masturbating with my partner there. Am i weird?
gracehi 33
No that's not weird at all. You ********** because you don't have anyone to do it for you.
SWC_Penguin 17
You're not weird, but you should give it a try. It works great. Simple fact is, sometimes one of us isn't in the mood. It happens. It's a great relationship where you can say "Not tonight, but you have fun" and then read a book naked while your partner looks at you. This is far more intimate than having the other person run off to the basement alone, yeah? I get that you're the woman and so you may never have an opportunity to do this. I'd suggest asking for it as a favor. I'll bet your guy will be happy to oblige and you'll both have fun. It's certainly a unique experience.
DavidKnows 11
#44. OP is male. He said his GF was masturbating.
JoleneDaniel 12
67, 44 is not talking about op.
SWC_Penguin 17
How the hell is there an overlap on the Venn Diagram of "people who ********** next to their partner" and "people who are offended by an offer of a hand job?" Your girlfriend must be the only one.
Muttley9 13
She is strange and selfish and way NOT kinky... you can reach places she can't :)
annoyedweirdo 9
Lmfao that's awesome, next time you can just ********** beside her saying you can do it yourself