Miscellaneous: Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 1 261

01/01/2011 05:27

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 635

You deserved it 3 579

Vulture

Broken heart

Another great day to be alive

19/11/2016 06:21

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly born ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 534

You deserved it 6 394

08/12/2016 14:02

Spicy

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 726

You deserved it 1 174

Thanks dude

By Marcus - 10/04/2021 02:00

Today, I was driving to work when I had to abruptly brake to avoid a pedestrian who had suddenly jumped into the street. As a consequence, my parking ID was pushed in between the dashboard and the windshield. It is literally impossible to get it out before my shift starts. In other words, I'm going to get fined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 109

Minefield

By Anonymous - 14/08/2020 20:03

Today, my cat pissed on my bed, so I had to change the sheets. Just as I got out of bed and take my first step, I stepped in my cat's poop as well and slipped, spraining my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 359

21/11/2013 20:37

Spicy

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 223

You deserved it 10 211

Get the message

By Confession - 16/05/2016 02:07

Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 276

You deserved it 3 840

Posturing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 02:01

Today, I researched how to manage chronic tailbone pain from excessive sitting. One of the most consistent pieces of advice was to lean forward when working. My posture is already so bad, my chiropractor says I'm one of his worst clients of all time. I work a desk job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 112

01/06/2016 17:54

Today, I think I met the one. I had the best date ever. We played mini golf and talked about all the things we had in common. After sharing a kiss, I said goodbye, with the promise to meet up again. Too bad he forgot to mention he was moving to Texas the next day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 254

You deserved it 698

28/09/2010 04:40

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 354

You deserved it 3 244

27/07/2009 05:06

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 466

You deserved it 15 398

What a catch

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 08:00

Today, my boyfriend is so scared of COVID that he takes precautions beyond what health professionals recommend to satisfy his OCD. He told me he wouldn't be getting the vaccine because he "won't be controlled by the government." Not to worry, he will just continue to be the unbearable control freak he transformed into since this all began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 161

09/01/2011 11:38

Today, my mum is convinced I'm a hoarder. While I was out of the house, she went through my room and threw out stuff I "don't need." This included $500 worth of textbooks, a flash drive with crucial work on it, and my phone charger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 590

You deserved it 3 047

31/03/2017 01:00

Today, after moving to the big city, and missing the natural world from my tiny, 10th floor apartment, I bought a window bird feeder. Within half an hour, it had fallen off, landed on, and killed a pigeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 845

You deserved it 665

25/11/2012 23:36

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 017

You deserved it 1 885

22/07/2015 16:21

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 615

You deserved it 26 516

10/03/2010 16:08

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 389

You deserved it 3 718

09/08/2011 03:43

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 332

You deserved it 7 339

17/08/2010 17:09

Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 639

You deserved it 3 639

I'm trying!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2021 02:01

Today, I was trying to exercise to lose weight but I got terrible bloating. Turns out that’s a common response, because the body thinks it’s being stressed. This is right after being diagnosed with allergies to some vegetables. I’m trying to be healthy, I swear. My body won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 82

08/01/2013 00:58

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 866

You deserved it 36 268

17/05/2011 13:05

Today, my friends were making fun of my clumsiness. I replied that I was not clumsy, and to prove it I was going to go the whole day without messing up. As I said this, I tripped over an extension cord and hit my head on a desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 572

You deserved it 11 996

29/02/2012 14:49

Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 723

You deserved it 22 311

16/06/2013 06:37

Today, I had my last orchestra concert and had a large solo. My dad came to watch and record it; however, the whole time he recorded another girl, thinking it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 544

You deserved it 3 208

26/08/2009 08:44

Today, I found out that the horrific smell coming from somewhere in my kitchen was a rotting dead mouse in my dishwasher. I have been eating off plates washed in dead-mouse water for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 819

You deserved it 11 357

27/03/2009 04:39

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 876

You deserved it 208 534

Lingo

By Anonymous - 14/07/2020 08:02

Today, I was alarmed to hear my daughter's boyfriend talk about dropping the kids off at the pool. She has no children. Turns out he was referring to himself taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 1 380

19/03/2012 20:18

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 443

You deserved it 7 867

20/09/2009 05:18

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 253

You deserved it 4 040

Phone-blocked

By unamyous - 08/06/2012 13:26

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 502

You deserved it 4 126

23/12/2015 18:03

Today, I was in a car accident, two days before Christmas. I'm now laying at home, not able to walk. My whole family thinks that I'm joking. A car drove over my foot, I'm not joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 019

You deserved it 1 765

11/08/2015 16:22

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 781

You deserved it 3 651

27/06/2013 23:15

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 234

You deserved it 3 316

Three kids?

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 20:00

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 050

You deserved it 287

23/04/2009 10:07

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 307

You deserved it 17 180

Bored

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my wife asked me when will my sex drive just stop. I'm only 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 97

08/03/2009 04:03

Today, I was going to a Harry Potter convention since I love the books so much. On my drive there I got lost, and it only got worse when my car broke down. Since I forgot my cell phone I decided to try and hitch a ride. I stood on the side of a road for two hours dressed like Ron Weasley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 870

You deserved it 58 339

19/10/2010 17:32

Today, I found myself crying in the bathroom because I started to feel lonely and depressed. My mother came into the bathroom, hearing me cry and gave me an hour long speech about what a beautiful human being I am... And to not forget to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 480

You deserved it 5 660

28/01/2010 20:25

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 957

You deserved it 52 979

25/03/2012 16:06

Today, I finally got the guts to text this cute girl at school. I started sending flirtatious texts, only to find out the hard way that she'd given me her boyfriend's number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 7 654

14/04/2009 05:10

Today, I bought a coral colored hooded sweatshirt, which my girlfriend told me was "hot". I wore it to a baseball game tonight. When it got cold I put the hood over my head, only to hear everyone behind me laugh. The back of the hood said "Boy crazy". It was a teen girls sweatshirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 638

You deserved it 69 966

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:07

I'm sure there are lots of other drunk guys who would be happy to ring in the new year with you.

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:07

New year, time for a new boyfriend!

Comments

perdix 29

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:07

I'm sure there are lots of other drunk guys who would be happy to ring in the new year with you.

suuuuurrrrraaaaa 0

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Monday 3 January 2011 5:15

YDI for dating a douche bag. Dump him if you haven't already.

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:07

New year, time for a new boyfriend!

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Tuesday 22 October 2013 0:41

being drunk showed his other side!

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:10

if only there was a body part that could get you from point A to point B. ... it's on the tip of my tongue.... your boyfriends an idiot btw, who leaves their girl for a party?? I would have taken you home first.

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:28

I'm quite certain you wouldn't expect her to walk home, considering Victoria is over 237,000 square kilometers in area. So I'm assuming the body parts you have in mind are her tits.

missawesome16 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 7:26

are u fucking serious it's pretty obvious that's Wat hhe meant

tvrdf 0

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Sunday 2 January 2011 8:42

you would have taken her home first? great solution because you would have been DRUNK.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 12:47

I am so pleased that you know that land mass of Victoria, Doc. Very impressive.

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:20

deffo time for a new boyfriend

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:22

I don't care how drunk you are, that's no excuse to leave your girlfriend at a party. FYL.

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Sunday 2 January 2011 23:10

Word...

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Sunday 4 December 2011 7:18

I agree!

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:25

YDI for not depending on yourself & expecting others to be there- best way to never be disappointed is to never expect much from others. be responsible for yourself

Bewitched_fml 0

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:29

That's why you have two legs: so you can walk home. (: happy new years

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:35

Man, I don't know how many times I'll have to say this but YDI for dating a douchebag. It's unlikely that he's never done anything like that before or that "it's only when he's drunk".

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:58

agreed ^^^^^ I don't know what girls see in jerks

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Saturday 1 January 2011 16:52

I'm sure if someone get's drunk enough, they'll find a place to sleep with you.

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Saturday 1 January 2011 17:04

so instead of figuring out a way to get home you took the time to go on this app just so people can feel sorry for you?