Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four...

By OhDear - 25/5/2011 01:34 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

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Kids

Season finale

Empathy hurts

Mixed signals

By Sully - 7/2/2010 00:17 - United States

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

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By coinoperatedgirl - 11/1/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, I realized that I will never be able to buy the car I've wanted since middle school. The car? A greyish-silver Volvo, which is the make and color of car Kurt Cobain drove. The reason? I've been informed that it's also the make and color of the car that Edward Cullen drives in Twilight. FML

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By younggrammy - 20/8/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

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By Smoothskin - 19/9/2013 21:18 - Australia - Heidelberg

Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML

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By Snowtoe - 14/1/2017 14:00

Today, I'm at my grandparents' house to help clear snow. I was making a path to the driveway by pushing the snow out of the way. I saw a big pile and went to kick it really hard. Alas, it was a step. FML

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By stuck - 11/8/2010 12:01 - Australia

Today, because the two other managers decided to go on a spa day together, I had to stay at work despite the fact I spent most of the day throwing up in the bathroom. They called me to say what a good day they had. FML

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By fuck the man-dominated construction business - 19/6/2013 16:18 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

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By NittanyMangini - 26/5/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, I was taking a biology final and was just randomly tapping my pencil. My teacher thought I was somehow communicating with the person next to me, and decided to fail me. FML

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By Océane Léana K - 1/9/2017 01:29

Today, after coming back from a trip to Africa where I got malaria, I went to the hospital for some blood tests. The doctor said, "Good news! You never had malaria! But they put you through a lot of dangerous treatments and now your liver has an anomaly." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense: "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

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By thehunterofprey - 22/6/2018 19:00

Today, I came out to my parents as gay and they reacted better than I expected. Then I found my car destroyed with a note that said "fag" on what used to be my hood. I never thought I'd have to sue my own family, but I'm lucky I have security footage. FML

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By Alliente - 17/7/2012 21:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He won't go on a cruise with me in the gulf of Mexico, because he thinks we will crash into an iceberg like in Titanic. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2015 17:01 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2018 01:30

Today, for the first time in years, I worked up the nerve to ask a work friend if they wanted to hang out sometime. They winced, and said they were busy that day. I hadn't specified a day. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 13:35 - Canada

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

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By itssomething - 1/3/2016 20:15 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my closest encounter to having sex in the last four months was getting chlamydia from Russell Brand. In a dream. FML

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By say no to dick - 18/4/2014 22:56 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

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By yuck - 21/6/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I was in the basement at my grandma's house. The bathroom is on the ground floor and there's a laundry chute that goes down to the basement. I looked through the chute to see if the bathroom light was on. A pair of shitty underpants came down and landed in my face. They were my grandma's. FML

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By smf_ds - 31/7/2015 20:48 - Portugal - Rebordosa

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

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By Dandruff - 24/5/2010 16:14 - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

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By Annonymous - 18/11/2013 18:37 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML

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By LegallyBored - 16/12/2016 21:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, my roommate went away for the weekend so she could hook up with a guy from Tinder that she's never met. This wouldn't be a problem if we hadn't already made plans for my 18th birthday, which is also today. Here's to a night of Netflix with my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 21:56 - Isle of Man

Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

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By notquitejuliet - 4/7/2015 00:54 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

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By aarong - 10/2/2014 06:42 - United States - Tampa

Spotified

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2009 07:27 - Canada

Today, my band played for our school. We were cheered for and everything. Being the lead singer I tried to look cool and push the mic away and pull it back by pushing down the bottom of the stand with my foot. It hit my face and I bled like crazy but I kept singing. No one clapped at the end. FML

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By yanksbitethebig1 - 16/3/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2011 20:13 - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

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By Z - 6/11/2016 23:33 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, at work, I had to explain to a customer that she can't connect her tablet to her home WiFi while she's at work. I went to MIT for this. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2015 13:39 - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML

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By TheLostCauseFML - 31/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

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By Thanh Quang - 31/1/2011 05:58

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML

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By Prego my ego - 23/7/2009 17:39 - France

Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 11:54 - Australia

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2013 21:35 - Sweden - Staffanstorp

Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years old, with no wife or children. FML

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By Hayls5 - 4/7/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the mans house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

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By eminem blows cock - 15/6/2012 16:41 - Ireland - Kilflynn

Today, after having stayed up all night studying, all the coffee I'd drank to keep me awake hit my gut with a vengeance. I ended up missing two exams because I was emptying my bowels into the toilet all morning. FML

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By NoHamForMeThanks - 9/3/2015 02:36 - United States - Oak Ridge

Today, I was told that I need to learn to "let things go" by a woman who held a four-month grudge over a ham sandwich. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2011 22:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He said he would have done it two weeks ago but he needed someone to drive him around while his car was getting repaired. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

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Top comments

By 360XBOXFTW | 0

#2561155 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:33

Future pimp

By DatDappyDde | 0

#2561169 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:35

do the same in his wedding.

COMMENTS

By 360XBOXFTW | 0

#2561155 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:33

Future pimp

dayve | 0

#2561196 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:37

A pimp practicing with his mother...

GiggidyPants | 0

#2561200 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:38

4 yr old mac daddy lol

Takador | 3

#2561244 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:42

Its all part of the contract :)

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#2561517 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 10:01

the church probably thought your dress falling was the horrible event that was to happen before the 2nd coming of Christ

juicedboi | 7

#2561779 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:07

Well the little guy is going to heaven.
And i am fairly sure 95% of the men in that church just committed some sort of sin.

Livinia | 11

#2561791 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:10

He's just showing the groom what to do at the end of the night.

ritbbehindu | 0

#2562011 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 13:31

lol^ And person above the person above me, made me lol so hard

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#2562242 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 14:34

lmao 46 :))

...am I the only who thinks (if his mother breastfed him) that he either was hungry or misses them boobies? lol

FYLimhoYDI | 0

#2562373 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 15:18

she didn't breast feed me, but I miss em!

LaughinStock | 16

#2563181 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 18:55

lol 59

ShadowTheDumbass | 10

#2564249 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:08

that's retarded

Newboyz00185 | 0

#2564289 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:15

Empty the clip
And roll the window up.

lolboy300 | 0

#2564666 - Thursday 26 May 2011 0:26

Must have been the breast wedding ever.

nerdytacos | 3

#2565397 - Thursday 26 May 2011 3:22

lol^^

sarahsarahsarahs | 0

#2565558 - Thursday 26 May 2011 4:26

lol nice

loserlikemee | 0

#2576015 - Saturday 28 May 2011 1:27

hahahhahaha

By ThatSucksAlotYDI | 0

#2561165 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:34

ohhh, that sucks! 

krazyvato | 0

#2561493 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 9:49

you actually deserved it honestly

lilmisslovely13 | 15

#2561876 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:43

32 How did she deserve it? That doesn't make any sense.

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2562262 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 14:42

32 is just a sad depressed man because he didn't get to see them.

And with his attitude, probably never will.

By DatDappyDde | 0

#2561169 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:35

do the same in his wedding.

tub944 | 0

#2562251 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 14:35

at OP, Pics or it didn't happen!

dufelbag | 0

#2569068 - Thursday 26 May 2011 20:36

lol

pugpuggy | 21

#6247527 - Monday 30 March 2015 12:42

Let's just hope he's wearing a dress!

By Radek18 | 0

#2561175 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:35

I'm sure the priest enjoyed that

DontModMeDammit | 10

#2561285 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:49

Well if it was a Catholic priest then I'm sure he would have preferred the 4 year old son to give "the show."

Radek18 | 0

#2561318 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:56

I was going to say this as well buy too lazy xD

Radek18 | 0

#2561328 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:58

*but

nonamericandolla | 6

#2576805 - Saturday 28 May 2011 4:03

tats just being an ass

By armorf0r | 7

#2561177 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:35

people will definitely notice you that way. lol

By Kawboy | 1

#2561183 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:36

damn and I missed it!

dylpikle | 0

#2561882 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:45

same damn thing I sed when I read this!

By alyslove | 5

#2561207 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:39

was your son imitating Justin timberlake?

By Gerrito | 0

#2561233 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:41

Any pictures?

By Chuck94_fml | 0

#2561240 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:41

hot

cgchamp89 | 7

#2562843 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:19

Could have been nasty... you never know

By xoCOURTNIEox | 0

#2561248 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:43

haha wow, sounds exciting !

Gerrito | 0

#2561271 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:46

Indeed

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2562267 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 14:44

Hm yes quite so. Hm Hm.