Kids: Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four...

By OhDear - United States

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

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38331

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Kids

Proactive

When nature calls

True hero

By yolonono - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

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37766

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By BS2280 - 9/6/2020 23:00

Relationships sink

Today, my wife told me that she isn't in a place where she can have a physical relationship, that if I want us to have a physical relationship, then we need to start from the bottom up, and work on building a friendship. I'm like, we've been married 15 years, and we're not even friends? FML

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2472

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML

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By yummolives - United States

Today, my little sister recieved a fairy costume from my aunt. She put it on and waves her wand at me. She said,"Abra cadabra bibbity poo. I wish Sydney was pretty." When I did nothing, she put her hands on her hips and says,"Cant you just act pretty?" FML

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By twowords - United States

Today, I had to find a date for this banquet we did in my town every year. I paid my neighbor 40 bucks an hour to be my date. It was a 4 hour event. Best part: she got drunk and told the whole town I was paying her. FML

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By ifpigsflew - New Zealand

Today, I got hit by a Salami log thrown from a car; its metal wire cut my shoulder. I got scarred by a flying hunk of pig. FML

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By Sleeping Beauty - United States - Jamestown

Lookin' good

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Springfield

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

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By aelia_oups - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 08:08

Thanks, Marley

Today, I made sure my puppy went number 1 and 2 before taking them into a pet-friendly store. In the store, two ladies awed at my puppy, but as I picked him up I didn't notice he'd shat on the floor until they pointed it out, giving me a dirty look. Other customers glared as I picked up his smeared shit. FML

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828

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By SomeoneElse - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML

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21722

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By effyou - United States

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

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By jayswizzle89 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

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By sostupid - United States

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

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17753

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By fetch boy.. - United States - Bellmore

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

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40441

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By LanaStidolph

Today, I bought shampoos and household chemicals and was heading home on my bike when it started to rain. I felt a weird burning sensation down my back so I stopped and got off the bike. My backpack and jeans were covered in foam. FML

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3426

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

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30594

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By vanity113 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

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By Sad.To.Be.Me. - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

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28466

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By Beefy Man - United States - Lehi

Today, I spent eight hours cutting, curing, and aligning on the racks, six months worth of beef to be dried for some tasty jerky, only to find out my dehydrator is broken beyond repair, and would cost as much to fix as the soon-to-spoil meat that I bought. FML

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13370

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By swirkishly - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

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25877

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By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Peek a boo

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

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By CierraJordan - United States

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

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31063

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By Elissa Roth Gooden - 6/4/2020 14:00

He will

Today, I actually got to meet actor George Takei. He was really sweet and charming, and I was just thrilled. When we parted, I wanted to say either, "I'll always remember this" or "I'll never forget this." It came out as, "I'll never remember this." FML

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By Samprib - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

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72965

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By imsadnow - United States

Today, I was having a bad day at work. Then, on my coffee break, a little boy walked up to me and told me I was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. I'm a guy. FML

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By hatemyjob - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

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37440

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered why the toilet seat is often sticky in the morning. My husband is too lazy to lift the seat, instead opting to pee all over it and sleepily wipe it down with loo paper if he notices a splash. He doesn't see why it's a problem since he 'cleans' it. FML

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By Angry Mob - Australia - Sydney

Today, most of my neighbours came to my house in an angry mob to complain about my dog barking. I don't have a dog. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Marcos

Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML

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By kate - United States

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

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48711

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By theuglyone - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

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45032

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By maryann - 13/1/2021 08:01

Skinny love

Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML

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By me

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

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By Amy (grossed out) - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

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43487

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while leaving a football game, I saw a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew on the ground. It was night-time and there weren't many people around, so for a laugh, I picked it up and tossed it behind me as hard as I could. It hit someone. FML

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8308

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By Anonymous - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

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57844

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By Bigfoot

Today, I participated in an obstacle course. As I was going over a set of monkey bars, my balls got crushed between the bar and my gut. I barely managed to get down before blacking out in the middle of the road. FML

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Top comments

By 360XBOXFTW | 0

#2561155 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:33

Future pimp

By DatDappyDde | 0

#2561169 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:35

do the same in his wedding.

COMMENTS

By 360XBOXFTW | 0

#2561155 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:33

Future pimp

dayve | 0

#2561196 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:37

A pimp practicing with his mother...

GiggidyPants | 0

#2561200 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:38

4 yr old mac daddy lol

Takador | 3

#2561244 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:42

Its all part of the contract :)

hellogoodbye1996 | 6

#2561517 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 10:01

the church probably thought your dress falling was the horrible event that was to happen before the 2nd coming of Christ

juicedboi | 7

#2561779 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:07

Well the little guy is going to heaven.
And i am fairly sure 95% of the men in that church just committed some sort of sin.

Livinia | 11

#2561791 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:10

He's just showing the groom what to do at the end of the night.

ritbbehindu | 0

#2562011 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 13:31

lol^ And person above the person above me, made me lol so hard

mfmylifesrsly | 29

#2562242 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 14:34

lmao 46 :))

...am I the only who thinks (if his mother breastfed him) that he either was hungry or misses them boobies? lol

FYLimhoYDI | 0

#2562373 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 15:18

she didn't breast feed me, but I miss em!

LaughinStock | 16

#2563181 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 18:55

lol 59

ShadowTheDumbass | 10

#2564249 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:08

that's retarded

Newboyz00185 | 0

#2564289 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:15

Empty the clip
And roll the window up.

lolboy300 | 0

#2564666 - Thursday 26 May 2011 0:26

Must have been the breast wedding ever.

nerdytacos | 3

#2565397 - Thursday 26 May 2011 3:22

lol^^

sarahsarahsarahs | 0

#2565558 - Thursday 26 May 2011 4:26

lol nice

loserlikemee | 0

#2576015 - Saturday 28 May 2011 1:27

hahahhahaha

By ThatSucksAlotYDI | 0

#2561165 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:34

ohhh, that sucks! 

krazyvato | 0

#2561493 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 9:49

you actually deserved it honestly

lilmisslovely13 | 15

#2561876 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:43

32 How did she deserve it? That doesn't make any sense.

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2562262 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 14:42

32 is just a sad depressed man because he didn't get to see them.

And with his attitude, probably never will.

By DatDappyDde | 0

#2561169 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:35

do the same in his wedding.

tub944 | 0

#2562251 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 14:35

at OP, Pics or it didn't happen!

dufelbag | 0

#2569068 - Thursday 26 May 2011 20:36

lol

pugpuggy | 21

#6247527 - Monday 30 March 2015 12:42

Let's just hope he's wearing a dress!

By Radek18 | 0

#2561175 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:35

I'm sure the priest enjoyed that

DontModMeDammit | 10

#2561285 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:49

Well if it was a Catholic priest then I'm sure he would have preferred the 4 year old son to give "the show."

Radek18 | 0

#2561318 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:56

I was going to say this as well buy too lazy xD

Radek18 | 0

#2561328 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:58

*but

nonamericandolla | 6

#2576805 - Saturday 28 May 2011 4:03

tats just being an ass

By armorf0r | 7

#2561177 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:35

people will definitely notice you that way. lol

By Kawboy | 1

#2561183 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:36

damn and I missed it!

dylpikle | 0

#2561882 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 12:45

same damn thing I sed when I read this!

By alyslove | 5

#2561207 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:39

was your son imitating Justin timberlake?

By Gerrito | 0

#2561233 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:41

Any pictures?

By Chuck94_fml | 0

#2561240 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:41

hot

cgchamp89 | 7

#2562843 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:19

Could have been nasty... you never know

By xoCOURTNIEox | 0

#2561248 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:43

haha wow, sounds exciting !

Gerrito | 0

#2561271 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 8:46

Indeed

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2562267 - Wednesday 25 May 2011 14:44

Hm yes quite so. Hm Hm.