By SOTS4335 - 16/05/2015 22:16 - United States - Maumelle

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks 55 015
You deserved it 3 628

SOTS4335 tells us more.

OP here. Two of my sisters actually ended up beating the shit out of my now ex-girlfriend and moving me and my kids in with them. Kinda hard to defend yourself when you have muscular dystrophy and you spend most of your day in a wheelchair. But Thank GOD I'm done with that psycho-bitch. And **** those assholes at that therapy session.

Top comments

JuliaaNoelle 26

I hate double standards. Abuse is abuse no matter what gender you are. Sorry OP :/

I hate when people think males can't be absurd


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Eliseopwns 22

I'm surprised you can't read, yet you can write.

He can't even write, you don't start a sentence with and

However, one should ways end a sentence with some type of punctuation.

Funny enough, he didn't write the message, he typed it.

psychopolarbear 28

I love how these are all getting down voted to oblivion. I wonder how long this trend will go on?

Sure, I'll join the "everyone hates us" club. Why not?

ColonelCusswords 24
MikaykayUnicorn 36

This comment chain is one big train wreck.

JuliaaNoelle 26

I hate double standards. Abuse is abuse no matter what gender you are. Sorry OP :/

And they said women like you are dead.

...who says that? Most women I know would agree with 2. :S I'm more surprised that women like the ones OP met still exist. I mean, sure there are women who expect a guy to be all macho and not get put in that situation, but you'd think if you were actually at a counselling session for domestic abuse yourself you'd be a bit more understanding.

it really doesn't surprise me that the group acted like that. Like rape, domestic abuse is something that is thought to only happen to a woman and that if any man can't handle himself against a women then he's pitiful. That mentality is disgusting and I'm so sorry you went through that OP, hopefully you can find a communuty which will help you.

BlockOfRedStone 25

A lot of people can't imagine a guy being beat by their girlfriend. If you're reading this and you're one of those people, look up "25 Domestically Abused Men Reveal Their Horrifying Stories". A huge factor is that men can't retaliate much or else they can go to jail.

it's usually other men (but obvs not always) who devalue and mock men for speaking out about abuse, sadly. because they've (we all have) been taught that it's "weak" which is utter bullshit. anyone can be a bully and an abuser and anyone can be abused. you did the right thing for speaking up OP, even if the people were disgusting human beings. whoever the group leader is should be extra ashamed because they're supposed to create a safe space for ALL survivors.

I've seen this on daytime talkshows in the 80's and 90's. NEXT TIME ON MAURY: WOMEN WHO BEAT MEN AND THE MEN WHO LOVE THEM And yeah. The guys were mocked and abused by the audience.

While it is in fact terrible, it's not surprising. All of them have been abused, so the thought of a woman doing to a man what their men have done to them (aka revenge) is common among most of them.

Add the srories of men defending themselves getting punished by law under yge BS "assault/injury of a female" laws, many men don't try to defend themselves because a DV charge can destroy careers, security clearances, and even future dates in this era og background checks being so easy. It is a double-standard that needs to end.

Absolutely. I'm a male who's been emotionally abused by my spouse and I only recently got out of it, despite being tortured by it for several years.

congrats for getting away #217. i hope you can get on with your life now and be happy and safe. (:

psychopolarbear 28

Honestly, they should have more respect for him than anything. The fact that she did that and he had the sense and the extreme patients to not retaliate is amazing. The women there should realize that SOME men, like the ones they were obviously with, would beat a woman for much less.

wow. I've never seen 1k thumbs up till tonight :)

#195 I definitely do not agree. As a formally abused woman I can easily say that we don't all think like that at all. I find it disgusting that they laughed. We do not want revenge on all men, yes we would like to see the man who abused us legally punished, yes we have trouble trusting people and after 7 years I still flinch if I have an argument with a partner (waiting for the pain) but we don't intentionally take it out on all men

Because of this ****** up society we live in where it's stereotyped as men being the abusers and women as the abused.

I hate when people think males can't be absurd

CaroAurelia 12

I think you mean "abused." (Oh, men can definitely be absurd.)

@#162 did you not see my comment saying I meant abuse?

psssst! the person above you is half blind. shhhh don't say I said that OK? ok

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Or at all even? If the roles reversed he'd be a monster. SMH at society and double standards, also that woman is a ********.

'If the roles reversed..' Shut up. Just stop. No one deserves abuse, and no abuse is more important than other abuse. In either gender swap it's still a horrible act and no one in their right mind would ever tell a man they deserved it, nor a woman. How about you take OPs problem seriously instead of bitching about a different scenario, because that's just not helpful at all.

323, but that's what he's saying... He's pointing out that if the roles were reversed then the group would recognize how horrible the abuse is. I'm pretty sure he's on the same side as you, saying the abuse should be taken more seriously.

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Fighting back would escalate the problem and she would probably win a court case simply from bias.

When the hell did I state he should fight back? ^ And what the hell is wrong with you? Why am I a ************? Just because I said that this is NOT a good example for his kids and that he should ******* TALK to his girlfriend about it? In which way is TALKING wrong? Calm the **** down woman...

But if the tables were turned and a man hit his girl in front of the kids, would you ask her to reason and talk with him, or to flee and report abuse?

Radieal 15

Abuse is never the victim's fault. It's not his fault his girlfriend punches him, and by going to a counseling groups he's obviously trying to get help.

So that means the ONLY solution is to flee and report abuse. Okay then it's decided! OP run run away as far as you can with your kids and don't forget to visit the police. Just because I said talking could also be an idea, I'm called a ************, this makes totally sense to me!

OP is the victim, not the one setting an example. If anyone is the bad example, it's his girlfriend and he should break up with her.

I'm sure as a man going to this kind of support group was already a hard decision to make knowing the percentage of domestic violence is normally against women. This was probably him at his breaking point of "having put up with it long enough" and if he considered going to a support group in sure he's already tried to talk to her numerous times. OP, you need to call the cops on her when she behaves like this. She'll be arrested, hopefully you will get custody of your children and the arrest might wake her up and allow you both to get great help and advice from the legal system. I'm so sorry, man or woman, NOBODY deserves to be abused.

I also never said it's his fault, but it isn't a good example either. That's is why I said he should talk to his girlfriend, what she thinks what kind of example she is for his kids. But apparently this is not a good idea....

Well looks like I'm in the wrong here, so he should just break up and leave. If talking with her did not help, there isn't much of a choice.

He should do more than break up with her, he should report her

#39, the point is that you are laying the blame on the victim, OP in this case, by saying that he should not "let" his girlfriend abuse him. What you SHOULD have said is "She should not abuse you!" It's not OP's fault at all. It's his girlfriend's fault. You are perpetuating the problem by telling OP that he is responsible for stopping it.

^ Okey I did not mean it that way. I'm not very good with the english language, so I'm sorry if my message came the wrong way. Thanks for clarifying this for me!

39 - Do you really think he hasn't tried talking about it? He obviously doesn't enjoy being hit and is aware of the effect this could have on his children. He would definitely have said he doesn't like it before but she is continuing anyway, probably because she knows he won't defend himself physically because he probably doesn't want to hurt her, doesn't want things to escalate and doesn't want the children to see that either. She is taking advantage of his kindess, tolerance and possibly fear. He is in a difficult situation and is not to blame.

39 it is useless to "talk" with someone who frequently abuses you. ops girlfriend is a toxic individual

#36, domestic violence is almost 50/50. Violence against males is terribly underreported because of what OP said, people laugh at a man being hit by a woman, but men are also taught to never hit a woman, meaning women can hit men and get away with it almost always. For a woman to be convicted of domestic violence she needs to murder or atempt to murder a man, and even then she gets a lighter sentence tha a man would in the same circumstances.

why did so many people dislike this? are there no rational people on here?

"let yourself". NOONE lets themselves be abused. there are so many factors involved emotionally, and otherwise. to just dismiss the victim as letting it happen is part of the problem why people don't speak out.

obliviongillette 18

Why is everyone bashing his comment? He wasn't blaming the op, but yes it is ops fault to some extent. He shouldn't stick around knowing that kinda abuse is around the kids. Communication comes first in a relationship so there is nothin wrong with him saying op should talk to her! If he's not going to leave or report her he needs to reason with her in some way, and get her to understand it isn't right no matter how long it takes him, that or he needs to get up and go!! Good for him for not resorting to violence like his s.o is though and for seeking help even if it is in his own way.

You're a ************ and a stupid one at that because you do not simply talk to an abuser. Abusers do not see their victims as human beings, at least not really. Talking to his girlfriend will only piss her off and make her at him for having the gall to think he has rights of his own. Please don't go into counseling.

Trickiest_K 9

I hate these double standards...

For real! It's such a damn crime. Like fathers watching their children at a park and people thinking they're pedophiles. That's so messed up :( Down with the patriarchy!

#51, I think you mean the matriarchy

Well it's the patriarchy that says that men are all either violent wife beaters or creepy pedophiles. It also sets the standards for masculinity, which is why OP was laughed at in the domestic abuse group. So patriarchy would be right.

Actually it's still an effect of the patriarchy. The logic goes "girls are weak, therefore guys are strong. Girls get abused and need help, abused guys are wimps and just need to stand up for themselves". Pretty much any stereotype does reflect back, and not necessarily in a good way.

in school a girl was picking on me and she ended up suddenly grabbing my head and hair with her hands after i was telling her to stop talking about me, so i tried to pull her hands off of my head because she was pulling me down. teacher thought it was more my fault, and i was called a woman beater for a week by people in the halls. hmmm i love these double standards in society

I think society has big problems seeing men as predators and women as prey, whether it's due to a patriarchy or not! You see th e effects everywhere - like people thinking 'gay' is a good insult for a sensitive man or telling women to cover themselves up because men have no brains. It encourages everyone to absolve themselves of responsibility for their own actions, these people have absolved themselves of their responsibility to listen to the OP and take him seriously, I hope someone reminds them of it.

Wow have you drunk the feminist koolaid! First, conspiracy theories like "The Patriarchy" are as dumb as anything on the kookier side of the internet. Second we know exactly where the laughing at men who get abused by women comes from: women. The masculine definition of masculinity is that you don't hit women. This means that an abused man is often a masculine man: unless he is like the OP and illness means he cannot defend himself adequately (hardly his fault, and potentially deserving of manly honour in his coping with illness) then if most men really hit back the abuse would end in her broken bones. That a man is being abused means he has not harmed a woman even to defend himself (OP and sisters take great credit for abandoning this woman while protecting his kids). That is perhaps crazy, but I never heard any respectable concept of manliness that allowed a man to hit a woman. Women do laugh at or look down on men who are abused. A certain type of woman (always single or unfaithful) will laugh at a man she sees as weak. Of course some of the "tough" men those women date turn out to be only tough towards women, and they end up in the meeting laughing at the man who refuses to hit even an abusive woman. The other type who laughs is the modern feminist. These are foul, arrogant, ignorant misandrists who have mugs labelled "Men's Tears", wear "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" T-shirts and use the hashtag #killallmen. They are a disgusting breed. I suspect some of them attend domestic violence support groups for two reasons: those who pretend or even imagine they are abused because modern feminism is all about a desperation to identify oneself as a victim are there for the status, and the hypocrites who claim feminism makes them tough and who demand a self-identified feminist man - who beats them because he doesn't understand masculinity - who are genuine victims who need help but hate men.

MzZombicidal 36

#304, idk what the **** you're on about in half of your post but you're extremely full of tons of shit if you think feminists just want men gone/hurt/dead. That's ******* dumb. Those people aren't feminists. Those people are just cynical assholes. A true feminist wants equality. A true feminist does not get joy in a man being abused because he/she feels it's some sort of ******* game. You've been dealing with assholes for far too long if you truly believe that those people are feminists.

#304 what the hell are you on. You're talking about men haters... That's as clear as day. How many more times do People have to scream the feminism does NOT equal misandry, hence the fact they're different god damn words smh.. #310 has pretty much put this well enough already but you can never dismiss a misogynist enough. That twisted thinking that women are out to get men is ridiculous.. We just want respect why can't people just give us that without making the whole thing centered around themselves. This isn't about you, its about equality. Your outdated, misinformed, prejudiced thinking will not stop feminists fighting for equality.

Hahaha - have you seen what is happening in current feminism? Have you looked at Twitter? Have you seen #GamerGate? Have you seen the response to a scientist, who was in the news not because of his great accomplishment but because of his shirt? Have you seen the death threats to MRAs, that forced their first world meeting to be moved? Have you seen female activists against feminism thrown out of a comic convention they had paid to attend, against the written standards of that convention for daring to criticise feminism? Have you seen the feminists support women who falsely accuse men of rape, trying to ruin their lives? The feminists who lie that false rape claims are rare and lie that rape is common? Two crimes of roughly equal severity, one the feminists exaggerate by a factor of 30 the other they reduce, by possibly a similar factor. One they demand is punished even in absence of evidence, the other they demand is never even suggested regardless of all evidence. Modern feminists are disgusting. They are bigots. It should be as shameful to admit being a feminist in today's movement as it is to be racist.

Hey, where do I sign up to get my men's tears mug? Do they make it in jewelry form too?

328- I like those made up figures that emphasise your hatred for the movement. All those points you mentioned there, ask yourself, are those about equality? No? Then they are not the work of feminism. You idiot. Anyone can claim to be a member of a group to avoid personal attack for their misandry, I could say right now 'as a woman all women believe "blah blah blah"' but that does not mean I speak for all women now does it. Whether you like it or not feminism is about equality. That's it. Now gtfo with your ridiculous views because they don't belong here. And it even compare an equality movement with racism because some misandrist bitch called herself a feminist when she spoke about that slur 'male tears' shows how butthurt you are that some stranger attacked the MRA movement for whatever reason. Do you even hear yourself? You compared an attitude that's costed millions upon millions of black lives to a movement dedicated to ironing out the flaws in our society today, for BOTH genders. Don't play victim to a group that's designed to help you ffs.

Find a new group. You deserve better than that. You'd think other women who had all felt abuse FIRST HAND themselves should know better than to laugh. Wasn't there a trained counselor keeping things under control?

I was thinking the same thing, how the **** could women who have been abused firsthand even have the ability to laugh- let alone the audacity to laugh as well. Unbelievable.

Im so very sorry OP. Abuse is abuse regardless of gender.

I know this may not mean much but I am really sorry for what you're going through OP. Like others have said abuse is abuse.

Find a new group OP. DV isn't ok no matter what your gender is and you should be able to talk freely about it without getting laughed at. Props to you for seeking help like that even if it did end poorly. Don't let this discourage you though; there's gotta be more than one group you can go to.