Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy. As soon as we sat down at the restaurant, he immediately snatched my menu and said "You're having salad." FML
Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over him. FML
Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML
Today, I went on a first date and tried to make a good impression by ordering something I'd never eaten before. It was a whole fish. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out how to eat it without looking clueless. My date had ordered chicken nuggets. FML
Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML
Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML
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Top comments
FerrariCake 2
You must be pretty hot if you can spontaneously turn a guy into an animal.
FerrariCake 2
Of course it is possible he just always makes animal noises and it has nothing to do with you. It's also possible he was really talking to his food when he said it was "scrumptious". You might be giving yourself way too much credit here.
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Comments (49)
SasounChan 3
Haha!! I didn't think people really did that!
arielhoee 9
Haha that's real attractive, the animal noises didn't turn you on? -crosses that off my list-
kaittt17 0
I luv ferraricake's comment :))))
aaaaa2p 0
WOW. This is why I don't date.
ithedarkone 0
lol Wow. Well... hmm... Idk why he was doing that i mean i wouldn't do that. If i found that you were really looking attractive that night i would just give you a compliment. Ex you look very pretty tonight i cant keep my eyes of you. Or something like wow you have the cutest smile. Something simple to make a girl feel good about her self and start blushing. Instead of making chimpanzee noises at you... Could of waited for like when you guys are having intercourse and your doing a kinky jungle theme called Jungle Fever Thursday or something lol... and you guys dress in Lil kinky outfits. but even that sound kind of weird 0_o
TheLetterZero 7
Sounds like it was a "ruff" date. I think you should try to find someone "mew". Make sure he isn't "cheep" either. LAWLPUNS!
TheLetterZero 7
I wasn't supposed to be funny, darnit! Yes, I'm aware of sarcasm.
Leafhead 0
Did you go on a date with Plexico?
DrunkenValor 0
Maybe he just has IBS, and those animal noises are actually his bowels crying out in anguish at the food you're eating. Either way, he's clearly a catch!
BUDWEISER 0
How can you agree with #7 when ur #2??
Sun_Kissed18 25
Its a stupid trend where people agree with future posts to seem cool