Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML
Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML
Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML
Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML
Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML
Today, I went on what I thought was my fifth date with a guy. We finally got intimate and it was amazing. As soon as it was over, he said : "Sorry babe, I should get going. I have a date tomorrow and I'd hate to be tired for it." FML
Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML
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Top comments
reki_fml 0
Today, I went on a date and to lighten the mood a little, I told her that I had kissed a guy drunk and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket. She clearly didn't get it, and was so horrified that she went home and posted what I said on the internet. FML
JessiGoose 0
Haha!!! That's a winner in my eyes. I don't think this is fml, it's just funny and cute.
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Comments (166)
nokillnobeepbeep 0
What!? Those blankets are the best! If it wasn't for my gf's cat-like reflexes I would have taken them from her already. You should sleep with him just so you can jack his blankets! Who needs dignity!?
catriona_cd 0
yawns. boaring and senseless bit of trash, and so is the story :P
iselilja 0
Shouldnt this belong at mylifeisaverage.com?
4ube_fml 6
I don't understand the FML, he was honest and cleared things so you wouldn't be all "holy shit !"
Broeman 0
Okay, he kissed another guy. So what? He didn't say he was gay. And how the **** does the blanket even fit into this? OP, could you please explain?
feminist19 0
he kissed another guy, he is gay
Broeman 0
Having a same-sex kiss one time does not make you gay, especially if it was on a dare.
lunargh 7
Pfft, it so doesn't make him gay. If you're drunk enough, you can do a whole lot of things without actually thinking about it. I've kissed a girl while drunk and all I remember is sort of 'waking up' in the middle of making out, thinking 'hang on, who's this... right, okay *shrug*' and just getting on with it. Call me a lesbian if you like, but I don't fancy girls. Personally, feminist19, I think you need to get out more.
idkweird 0
My guy friends do that crap all the time. Usually for a reaction. None of them are gay. People who are COMFORTABLE in their sexuality can joke around about stuff like that. Feminist19 is obviously some kind of homophone....which I guess probably means she's in the closet.
CyclonePsycho 1
lmao, idkweird. Homophones! God fobid for anyone to be pronounced the same, but spelled differently! :O
idkweird 0
Down to #77. I attempted to reply to this, for some reason it put it down there. Oh, well.
rebel_yell_tiny 0
I remember in 9th grade, both my guy friends kissed, and they were joking. They admit they love each other, but not in a gay way, just friendly, they've known each other their whole lives. And, even though some might reply with "they're still gay inside or bi" or any other thing, I know they aren't. They're actually quite crazy over girls.
mitch707 0
Just because he kissed a guy doesnt make him gay, not even close. And even if he was so what does it matter people? Everyone stop being so homophobic.
iwadasn 33
Because everyone has to have the exact same beliefs as you, right?
theblazian 0
Yay hatred of gays and all irrational fears of gays! But hey if it is any consolation I'm sure there were people exactly like you in the 50's 60's who said that giving negro's civil rights went against their beliefs! And look what we think of them now! ... actually I'm not quite sure how that is supposed to console you.... you are just kinda a douche.....
IronWarrior 9
I personally believe "homophobic" is an incorrect term. Those who are really homophobic can't control it. You wouldn't tell a clinophobe to "stop having an irrational fear of going to bed," or an acrophobe to "stop being deathly afraid of heights." Any REAL homophobe can't control it. Telling someone to stop being homophobic makes about as much sense as telling someone to all of a sudden become straight. Just as there's a difference between xenophobia and racism, there is a difference here.
jadeddream 0
It's called Heterosexism, or the belief that being heterosexual is somehow better than being homosexual. So to correct the original comment, Everyone stop being so heterosexist. And #39, would you be saying that if the above comment had said "stop being racist?"
fmlcomment 2
I think it would matter to the OP because she is NOT a man, so if he were gay, that would make their relationship...not one. That being said, I don't think that 'makes him gay'.
Plumppotato 3
the blanket might. just kidding. im not heterosexist or whatever that person said. just trying to make a joke. dont mind me. p.s. silk blankets? hell yes. bet thats comfortable as hell. not that hells comfortable or anything. id imagine not so much.
Seventytimeseven 0
I'm going to go with same sex kisses don't mean a damn thing about your sexuality unless they are with like a stranger for funsies. I have kissed plenty of girls but seriously that is as far as i would ever go, I'm straight and so is OP's date quite likely. He is clearly quite werid but honestly who isn't? Not a FML it's just a nice little joke to tell friends
cindybuzz 5
I'd be pretty ....i dunno, confused, if a guy started telling me this on a first date as though it was a serious issue. it's a bit of a weird conversation starter, especially five minutes into the date.
ClownSmilely 0
if he kissed a guy when he was drunk then it's only a matter of time because acholol brings out what's really inside
Saluton 18
This is clearly an FML. If he said so within five minutes, it means he is either completely weird or he knew it could embarrass her, i.e. he wanted to get rid of her. Having a weird boyfriend is even worse than having a loser boyfriend, because if he's weird, she will never know how to behave with him, how to react to his weird words and deeds, and all of her friends who get to know him will say, "Dump him!" It's not by chance that people don't like other people who are not like them. OP: sorry.
Leon_S_Kennedy 0
so how does this completely ruin the OP life? A bad date does not constitute a FML
Saluton 18
it does
idkweird 0
Oh yes, having a weird boyfriend is obviously a horrible thing. It's life altering, lol. My boyfriend is weird, but his weirdness makes me laugh. Hell, I'm a little odd, too. Had someone told me that 5 minutes into our first date, I would have laughed and revealed something odd about myself, as well. God Forbid he try to break the tension of a first date!
Saluton 18
And your friends and relatives don't bother you saying "dump him"? Lucky you then. I mean it.
idkweird 0
Pfft, they love him just as much as I do. I've had some pretty shitty boyfriends before. Almost married one of them. My family actually goes out of their way to pull me aside and tell me just how much they like him. You and I may have different views of weird. My bf makes me laugh more than anyone and he doesn't get offended easily. My family is the type that will make fun of you to your face to see if you can handle it, he can :)
Saluton 18
congrats then. Still, I don't understand why so many people are saying here that it's not an FML while there are 13,000 FYL votes against 2,000 YDI
rawrilawli 3
You think having a weird boyfriend is bad?!? Its the most fun thing in the whole world c: I think you should get a weird boyfriend just so you know what its like. See the thing is with weird people they are usually confident and comfortable in there own skin and with who they are.
Jujube93 0
lol. at first I was like why's this a FML? I don't see what's so bad about that. then I reread it and saw that it was HE who had kissed a guy and had a $400 silk rose blanket. yeah...ummm that's weird but not really FML worthy just kinda awkward. I'd probably try and take the blanket tho :P