Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

Caturday visitor

Today, I once again came to the realization of how boring my life is when I noticed that the stray cat in my yard walks in a really silly manner, and I watched it for what seemed like an eternity, utterly fascinated, until it left. FML

He's still a very good boy

Today, my dog barked at his own reflection in the mirror for five full minutes. When I tried to calm him down, he started barking at me like I was in on the conspiracy that seemed to be going on in his head. FML

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

Today, I realized I've been hit in the balls more in the past two years than the rest of my life. Why? My dog is always happy to see me and his tail is just the right height. FML

Fetch!

Today, my boyfriend and I were throwing a toy for his dog. He threw it, and I turned my head in that direction, looking for almost a minute before realizing he didn't actually throw it. He's still amused because, "even the dog was smart enough not to fall for that." FML

Who's a good boy?

Today, my dog celebrated my coming home by slapping me in the junk repeatedly with his tail. FML

Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML

Today, I realized that my dog, who's 11, eats his own shit, and chews bones like crazy still has 10 times nicer teeth than I do. FML

Good boy

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML