Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML
Today, I took my dog to the vet. The vet asked me to hold him still and keep him chill while he took his temperature rectally. My dog freaked out, jumped, and the thermometer hit me in the face. The vet just said, “That’s a first.” FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML
Today, my boyfriend took our dog to the vet because he heard him whining in pain this morning. It was actually me singing in the shower. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
tangerine_12 0
ewww thats sicckkk. but i woulda laaughed too ahaha.
xkat356 0
hahahaa, you should have just stuck the thermometer in your armpit, not your mouth, but FYL.
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Comments (79)
ladiesman14 0
get checked for feline AIDS right away. have your boyfriend arrested for assault with a deadly weapon.
LyricalChaos 0
Feline? It's a dog >.>
Intoxicunt 6
Assault with a deadly...thermometer? Or is it the dog shit that's deadly?
cmac86 24
ha ha I'm laughing at this.
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
What's with everyone only using oral thermometers? :3 Here, at doctors offices and hospitals, we use those forehead ones. They swipe it across your forehead, and stick it under your ear for a second, and it's done. Much quicker than oral/armpit/rectal. I haven't had my temp taken orally in a while. O.o Ahaha, and I love how a bunch of comments say "We use oral!". I've been mentally adding Thats What She Saids to most of the comments. xD
Intoxicunt 6
To the last part: ME TOO!
she_wolf 0
YDI for using "good" instead of "well." learn grammar.
Gasperilla 0
you don't wash the thermometer before and after you use it?
epicwinmaster 0
the reason your life is ****** is because you liked it :p
violentturtle 0
YDI for dating him.
rakhil11 7
Why was he laughing...? I would have been like 'Oh shit.'
shantoast 0
lollllll, oh shit.
291togo 0
I guessed you learned the difference between a rectal and oral thermonitor. THE TASTE!
make_art_not_war 0
That is soooo *****. If I was your boyfriend I would've laughed at you too. Also, why are you with a guy who takes his dog's temperature? Is it just me or is that seriously weird????