Health: Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 101

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 106

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 41

12/08/2010 23:21

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 354

You deserved it 2 718

Batman

Another great day to be alive

Commando

13/10/2016 01:29

Today, I skipped class and went to back my apartment early. I found that my roommate had broken into my room and was laying in my bed wearing my underwear, taking pictures of herself. Apparently, she's been doing it all semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 543

You deserved it 734

Wrong question

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 14:08

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 593

You deserved it 48 659

Things ain't changed much

By anon - 29/08/2021 12:01

Today, I was telling my dad that scientists had discovered a new sea creature. He said it was all BS and that scientists just make things up to cover conspiracies. I'm a biological sciences major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 082

You deserved it 1 733

18/10/2014 14:53

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 132

You deserved it 7 835

16/09/2011 05:15

Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 866

You deserved it 9 741

30/05/2016 19:49

Today, I leaned over to pick something up and heard a loud "pop" from my waistline, followed by a "clink" on the other side of the room. My pants button had popped off my pants. Time to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 686

You deserved it 2 658

11/03/2017 13:00

Today, my theatre studies professor played a soundscape, then had us write what we thought the meaning was. I thought it was a simulation of what schizophrenia was like. Turns out the teacher bet her friend she could convince us that a bunch of people speaking gibberish meant something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 617

You deserved it 556

02/08/2011 23:46

Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But... Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 353

You deserved it 6 637

03/11/2010 01:49

Today, I was playing my bass clarinet around the house. I asked my dad if he would be at my concert on December 16th. His response was, "No, I'm working that day." My dad is a plumber, and gets called to work completely at random; he has no schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 263

You deserved it 3 708

11/06/2019 12:49

Today, all of my friends stopped messaging me. I checked their Snapchat and Instagram accounts and saw that they were all at a party. When I confronted them, they assured me I was invited and should join them. When I arrived at the address, the house was empty. They gave me the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 305

19/04/2009 05:03

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 653

You deserved it 75 103

02/11/2014 19:47

Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 885

You deserved it 4 735

Communication breakdown

By xX_nsn_Xx - 03/02/2012 14:47

Spicy

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 473

You deserved it 9 990

13/10/2009 17:26

Today, I went to buy my prom dress. I felt really good as I walked out of the dressing room, until someone walked out of the room next to me wearing the same dress, and looked better in it than I did. It was a man buying it for his drag show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 479

You deserved it 4 330

09/02/2009 18:24

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 781

You deserved it 30 655

30/06/2012 18:36

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 515

You deserved it 25 299

22/06/2011 08:13

Spicy

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 167

You deserved it 7 840

Boom!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 12:00

Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 98

21/06/2012 04:11

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 171

You deserved it 75 225

28/01/2010 13:59

Spicy

Today, I went out on a date with a guy significantly older than myself. I told him I really liked him because I can have an intelligent conversation with him, unlike most guys my age. He told me he just wanted to get into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 053

You deserved it 10 885

13/08/2012 22:12

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 1 895

30/09/2012 01:37

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 225

You deserved it 4 849

23/04/2009 20:04

Today, I was home by myself. I was singing "If I Had A Million Dollars" really loudly since I figured no one could hear me. As I'm really into the song, my neighbor shouts, "If I had a million dollars, I'd give it to you to stop singing" and slams his balcony door shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 491

You deserved it 29 160

11/05/2016 23:24

Spicy

Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 028

You deserved it 2 000

28/09/2013 04:08

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 626

You deserved it 4 385

07/02/2009 23:24

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 622

You deserved it 85 155

Bridezilla strikes again

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 10:58

Today, I told my sister I felt like her friends didn't like me, since they were ignoring my questions, opinions, etc., in the bridesmaids' chat, but were all over each other's messages. She kicked me from her bridal party, saying her friends wouldn't want me at the bridal shower and bachelorette party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 79

30/10/2009 06:25

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked why, she replied with "You don't go out anymore. All you do is lay in bed." I've had the flu for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 332

You deserved it 2 551

27/02/2016 06:03

Today, I found out that the money I spent on a very specific degree was wasted, because apparently, I don't qualify for a job at the place that told me I had to have that degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 548

You deserved it 2 033

17/01/2010 18:13

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 515

You deserved it 6 664

27/08/2017 16:00

Today, I was let go at work. About 2 years ago, we had hired an eager-to-learn "assistant" for me. When they canned me, they let me know that I should've trained him faster so I could've been fired sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 881

You deserved it 305

07/04/2016 08:51

Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 362

You deserved it 2 269

15/01/2014 02:38

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 483

You deserved it 4 769

26/05/2012 14:42

Spicy

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 160

You deserved it 46 681

05/04/2019 00:00

Today, has been the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 264

25/01/2010 03:31

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 240

You deserved it 47 627

11/02/2014 19:10

Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 317

You deserved it 3 683

20/05/2013 15:56

Today, I listened to my elderly bachelor neighbor moan, "Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh kitty!" for over half-an-hour before he wandered out on his balcony in wet, tight white underwear to water his plant. This is the fifth time this week, and I still don't know what on earth he's doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 144

You deserved it 3 365

17/02/2009 23:44

Today, the priest was handing out red roses after church. The woman ahead of me asked for a rose. The priest said, "Sorry, we are only giving them out to single women since they didn't get any for Valentine's Day." Then he hands one to me. This was the first time I have been to that church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 355

You deserved it 4 359

27/07/2019 09:00

Today, I was helping my cousin plan her backyard wedding. I requested September 19-21 off for visiting and festivities. My asshole of a boss is refusing, because of some proposed Area 51 invasion. I have no idea what he’s talking about, and I’m afraid I might miss the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 148

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:26

Welcome to working in a hospital. Older people assume everyone in the building is in the medical field. Be glad this is the worst thing you were asked to help with.

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Friday 13 August 2010 10:08

Grandmas gone WILD!! ;D

Comments

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:06

hahahahah (:

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:23

you know you LOVED it.

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:27

I bet op got a boner...

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:39

I dislike old people for this exact reason.. they complain about everything, or at least the ones that come into my work..

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:44

#16 I bet the op is a women too.

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:45

*woman

19eightyeight 4

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:51

19 u are hot as hell.

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Friday 13 August 2010 10:08

Grandmas gone WILD!! ;D

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Friday 13 August 2010 10:16

its funny because you had to help a random ass old lady get dressed

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Friday 13 August 2010 10:24

ewwwwwww...>___>old wrinkly naked lady body. have fun with that...

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Friday 13 August 2010 10:27

#8 isint your picture from south park?

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Friday 13 August 2010 10:30

No #20, the OP is a male.

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Friday 13 August 2010 10:55

i know I was kidding

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Friday 13 August 2010 11:31

I once saw my grandma naked. by accident, of course. old people look oddly like a...prune. yuck. bad mental image

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Friday 13 August 2010 15:40

its funny cuz he hesitated

iSitt 0

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Friday 13 August 2010 17:00

you should have run out before she claims sex harassment. your word against hers

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Friday 13 August 2010 18:59

GET SOME.

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Saturday 14 August 2010 4:34

ydi for letting prunes boss you around

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Saturday 14 August 2010 8:01

old ppl burning old ppl burning put ur hands up old ppl burning old ppl burning its kinda messed up jon lajoie search: i kill people on Youtube

immja 0

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:06

Nasty...

FirstBornUnicorn 0

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:09

Old hag.

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:09

YDI for hesitating; you should have covered that ancient hag right away. YDI for not ravishing her (fornicate!). YDI for performing your job in a hospital; nothing good comes from those places. NOTHING. YDI for installing TVs. That ain't working. You get your money for nothing and your chicks for free...

Trollz4daLULZ 1

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Friday 13 August 2010 14:43

You're in dire straits if you don't catch that reference. Actually, if you ARE in Dire Straits, you'd damned well better catch it...

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Friday 13 August 2010 16:35

I totally agree with the first one, Trollz.

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Friday 13 August 2010 18:41

TROLOLOLOLOL

WoahBeanyBabiez 5

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Sunday 15 August 2010 14:34

Stupid crap head

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:13

haha! u shoulda put the clothes on her!

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:18

all I can say is... get a new job

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:20

Why didn't you call for help? creepy old lady... i need an adult i need an adult!

ThisRandomChild 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 21:12

ROFLMFAO!

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:23

Oh. Uhm. Ack.

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:26

Now that image is burned into your mind isn't it...

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Friday 13 August 2010 9:26

Welcome to working in a hospital. Older people assume everyone in the building is in the medical field. Be glad this is the worst thing you were asked to help with.