Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on... - FML

By Olorin - 12/8/2010 23:21 - Germany

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

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Does it taste good?

The student becomes the master

Business savvy

By disgusting - 4/2/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

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By baconman86 - 3/10/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I put my good shoes out the window and on the roof to dry out because they were sopping wet. When I went to check them later on, they were still wet. And soaked in bird poop. FML

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By 9gingerface66 - 15/1/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

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By Mary - 10/7/2011 12:49 - United States

Today, my husband decided he needs to be thanked after every time he changes our daughter's diaper; if not he throws a temper tantrum. Now I have two babies to deal with. FML

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By asdfghjkl - 10/2/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, after getting home from school, I realized I'd tucked my shirt into my underwear this morning. I'm fairly certain everyone got a good look at my lime green underwear. FML

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By iwantaraise - 14/10/2015 01:55 - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you're going to pour bleach on bugs to kill them, you need to be prepared for them to fly up and try to attack your face. FML

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By ZeldaovaPeach - 5/7/2016 12:44 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML

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By Lady - 4/11/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everyone that my fiancé and I are having a "shotgun wedding" because we plan to get married quickly. She didn't realize that means that the bride is pregnant, which I'm not. I have no idea what to do with the baby gifts I'm receiving. FML

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By Badlucked - 3/5/2019 06:00 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I spent almost an hour cleaning and scrubbing the inside of my fridge. Just when I'd finished putting everything back inside, I tipped over the open milk carton. FML

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By Googleit - 29/6/2011 16:44 - Canada

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

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By bluediva24 - 26/1/2011 00:54

Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

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By Jusawkward - 1/10/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I went to my former high school's homecoming game. A classmate who I always had a crush on looks up and goes "Brian!", holding her arms out for a hug. I hug her and she seems a bit suprised but hugs back anyway. I get up and see another Brian from our class behind me. Shame. FML

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By embarassed - 20/3/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

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By chronic - 12/3/2017 02:00

Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML

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By donuts678 - 16/8/2015 23:37 - United States - Passaic

Today, at the camp that I work at, a little girl asked to "feel" my muscles. Thinking it was cute, I flexed for her. She laughed and said, "No, really." FML

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By nutfreak - 12/8/2013 15:24 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

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By Nicked - 25/4/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

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By captfml - 15/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

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By eejit - 21/2/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2020 02:03

Jaws 2: A Pig in the City

Today, after a childhood of battling bad teeth and cavities, I'm an overzealous brusher. I found out that I have cavities in all quadrants of my mouth from over-brushing, which will need multiple appointments to fill. FML

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By NotThatButton - 11/9/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By fishoutofwater - 3/12/2015 04:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

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By abygalee - 10/7/2016 20:42 - United States - Akron

Today, my mom hadn't talked to me for 5 days, so worried sick I called my grandpa. She's been in jail, and no one cared to inform me. Great. FML

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By Christian - 28/9/2013 15:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2011 18:03 - United States

Today, whenever I do something that the kid I am babysitting likes, he pats me on the head and says "good girl". I'm whipped by a seven year old. FML

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By fml - 13/11/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, while shopping for clothes, I asked the assistant to recommend something for me. She took me to the maternity section. Thanks, but I'm not pregnant. FML

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By ClaustrophobicNightmares - 28/3/2014 08:42 - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh

Today, I was stuck in the elevator for almost two hours. Where was the elevator mechanic? Next to me in the elevator. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2015 20:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2010 02:56 - United States

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

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By phantomdriver - 24/3/2011 22:51 - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML

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By f*ck - 6/3/2015 17:41 - Australia - Reynella

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my pop-tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

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By Bobsaget00 - 4/8/2011 10:19 - United States

Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML

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By Foam - 26/12/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

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By awesomekidsmum - 18/9/2011 01:20 - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

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By danskinnow - 5/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML

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By MyLyfeSux - 25/9/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

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By Lauren - 20/8/2012 03:53 - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

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Top comments

By sallen0046 | 4

#1233957 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:26

Welcome to working in a hospital. Older people assume everyone in the building is in the medical field. Be glad this is the worst thing you were asked to help with.

By Brittney_E | 0

#1234351 - Friday 13 August 2010 10:08

Grandmas gone WILD!!
;D

COMMENTS

By jennisrad | 0

#1233657 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:06

hahahahah (:

Reply

zach55 | 0

#1233897 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:23

you know you LOVED it.

Reply

moofin123456 | 0

#1233975 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:27

I bet op got a boner...

Reply

sarah48_fml | 0

#1234115 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:39

I dislike old people for this exact reason.. they complain about everything, or at least the ones that come into my work..

Reply

zach55 | 0

#1234157 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:44

#16 I bet the op is a women too.

Reply

zach55 | 0

#1234174 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:45

*woman

Reply

19eightyeight | 4

#1234230 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:51

19 u are hot as hell.

Reply

Brittney_E | 0

#1234351 - Friday 13 August 2010 10:08

Grandmas gone WILD!!
;D

Reply

quent10 | 0

#1234411 - Friday 13 August 2010 10:16

its funny because you had to help a random ass old lady get dressed

Reply

mebecatie | 0

#1234473 - Friday 13 August 2010 10:24

ewwwwwww...>___>old wrinkly naked lady body. have fun with that...

Reply

jizzho | 0

#1234493 - Friday 13 August 2010 10:27

#8 isint your picture from south park?

Reply

Nena713 | 0

#1234510 - Friday 13 August 2010 10:30

No #20, the OP is a male.

Reply

zach55 | 0

#1234642 - Friday 13 August 2010 10:55

i know I was kidding

Reply

zZsleeperrZz | 0

#1234738 - Friday 13 August 2010 11:31

I once saw my grandma naked. by accident, of course. old people look oddly like a...prune. yuck. bad mental image

Reply

mshoes12346 | 3

#1235551 - Friday 13 August 2010 15:40

its funny cuz he hesitated

Reply

iSitt | 0

#1235904 - Friday 13 August 2010 17:00

you should have run out before she claims sex harassment. your word against hers

Reply

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1236301 - Friday 13 August 2010 18:59

GET SOME.

Reply

zanguard | 0

#1239014 - Saturday 14 August 2010 4:34

ydi for letting prunes boss you around

Reply

OwN3d3d | 0

#1239743 - Saturday 14 August 2010 8:01

old ppl burning old ppl burning put ur hands up old ppl burning old ppl burning its kinda messed up

jon lajoie search: i kill people on Youtube

By immja | 0

#1233663 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:06

Nasty...

By FirstBornUnicorn | 0

#1233697 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:09

Old hag.

By Trollz4daLULZ | 1

#1233701 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:09

YDI for hesitating; you should have covered that ancient hag right away.

YDI for not ravishing her (fornicate!).

YDI for performing your job in a hospital; nothing good comes from those places. NOTHING.

YDI for installing TVs. That ain't working. You get your money for nothing and your chicks for free...

Reply

Trollz4daLULZ | 1

#1235374 - Friday 13 August 2010 14:43

You're in dire straits if you don't catch that reference.

Actually, if you ARE in Dire Straits, you'd damned well better catch it...

Reply

brianjman14 | 22

#1235803 - Friday 13 August 2010 16:35

I totally agree with the first one, Trollz.

Reply

xtfauthorx | 0

#1236219 - Friday 13 August 2010 18:41

TROLOLOLOLOL

Reply

WoahBeanyBabiez | 5

#1245760 - Sunday 15 August 2010 14:34

Stupid crap head

By debbster7 | 18

#1233731 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:13

haha! u shoulda put the clothes on her!

By GROWNsimba | 0

#1233793 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:18

all I can say is... get a new job

By Twigggy | 0

#1233845 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:20

Why didn't you call for help? creepy old lady... i need an adult i need an adult!

Reply

ThisRandomChild | 0

#2649755 - Thursday 9 June 2011 21:12

ROFLMFAO!

By FMLattes | 0

#1233904 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:23

Oh. Uhm. Ack.

By cvspartan101 | 1

#1233955 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:26

Now that image is burned into your mind isn't it...

By sallen0046 | 4

#1233957 - Friday 13 August 2010 9:26

Welcome to working in a hospital. Older people assume everyone in the building is in the medical field. Be glad this is the worst thing you were asked to help with.