Work: Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 37

02/04/2009 18:21

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 012

You deserved it 3 548

Dysfunctional

The smell detective is on the case

Broke

29/08/2009 18:06

Spicy

Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 545

You deserved it 53 037

03/03/2009 22:47

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 885

You deserved it 52 434

12/08/2013 23:58

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 166

You deserved it 5 188

03/02/2009 17:43

Today, I realized it's been 5 days since my boyfriend last answered the phone when I called. Two weeks ago, he told me he used to break up with his girlfriends in a very juvenile way. He doesn't answer their phone calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 210

You deserved it 3 167

10/02/2012 00:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 608

You deserved it 7 241

10/02/2013 01:39

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 371

You deserved it 2 384

13/11/2009 19:04

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 265

You deserved it 5 118

21/05/2009 16:41

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 59 832

23/09/2015 13:24

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 724

You deserved it 1 676

16/10/2012 05:23

Spicy

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 798

You deserved it 66 786

14/02/2015 19:02

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 847

You deserved it 2 439

10/03/2009 09:56

Spicy

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 966

You deserved it 61 141

Jot that down

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 02:00

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 921

07/12/2009 19:16

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 110

You deserved it 4 698

07/08/2010 06:04

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 139

You deserved it 36 794

01/04/2009 05:13

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 895

You deserved it 62 978

11/01/2012 05:23

Today, I looked into my sink's garbage disposal for the first time since I moved in two months ago. Apparently, the putrid smell was not the food I've been throwing down it, but instead, a now what appears to be mutilated litter of rats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 427

You deserved it 3 728

Funny, thanks

By picklebug - 26/07/2013 16:25

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 157

You deserved it 10 150

I've just got one of those faces

By Eric Rivera - 29/01/2021 23:01

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 99

30/05/2009 14:19

Spicy

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 103

You deserved it 21 158

26/04/2013 22:03

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 148

You deserved it 3 402

21/09/2015 02:15

Today, a cute guy I recognized from one of my classes messaged me on a dating site. He wanted help with homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 853

You deserved it 2 142

Join in the fun

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 11:02

Today, after discovering my grown-up kids have sent poop pictures to each other since they were teenagers, I had an epic poop that looked like a question mark. So I finally lowered myself to their level and sent a picture of it to them. It got sent to my boss by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 1 488

29/08/2011 18:47

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 458

You deserved it 2 505

01/10/2011 16:08

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 013

You deserved it 8 913

15/06/2009 15:48

Today, I saw my parents for the first time in 11 weeks. They commented on how much weight I lost. I told how due to stress, I hadn't been able to eat anything for the past two weeks and I was basically unintentionally starving myself. They told me to keep it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 764

You deserved it 5 571

29/03/2009 03:34

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 537

You deserved it 26 262

29/07/2013 07:54

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 336

You deserved it 9 977

04/11/2011 00:16

Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 681

You deserved it 4 234

09/11/2013 02:54

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 752

You deserved it 4 337

17/07/2011 08:43

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 22 508

11/11/2009 12:47

Today, I asked my father for some help paying my college tuition. He told me he'd help me after I become more accredited than he is. My father has 2 PHDs. I'm studying to be an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 004

You deserved it 3 927

25/02/2009 23:29

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 785

You deserved it 39 580

23/08/2019 20:00

Today, I signed into the Netflix account that I pay for, only to see that my ex had added a new profile for his new girlfriend. We’ve only been separated for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 871

You deserved it 286

17/07/2018 20:30

Today, my brother gave me a massive rope burn. He got a 30-second talk with our mother. I got an allergic reaction to the lotion used to ease the pain. My mother said I was overreacting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 235

Murderer!

By Puppy_Killer - 16/12/2020 23:02

Today, I was backing out of my garage when my neighbour's collie ran behind my car. Unfortunately, I didn't see it, but I heard a thump. They were out, so I rushed him to the vet's. I was upset, and I guess I was driving too fast and didn't see that another dog was crossing the road. I killed two dogs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 387

29/05/2013 07:31

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 558

You deserved it 4 045

19/11/2011 17:50

Today, I had a very long, complicated talk with my girlfriend. Apparently, since she isn't religious, she doesn't have to give anyone Christmas presents, and yet expects everyone to give her some. She then told me what I should get her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 384

You deserved it 5 101

Murphy's law

By murphyslaw948 - 27/11/2019 05:00

Today, I fall for a guy after 3 years of being celibate, after he shows all the signs of being into me. Turns out, he likes my best friend who is dating another guy I liked and was just using me to compensate for her unavailability. Guess I am really a walking, talking example of Murphy's law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 211

30/06/2013 10:58

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 563

You deserved it 20 096

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Top comments

adelaide_evening 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:27

Hahaha, I lol'd at this. That sucks.

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Friday 29 April 2011 7:53

they have to tell a woman to shave. she's going to feel embarrassed and upset at the person who said something. I would hate to call a woman on that. it'd feel like I was insulting her. on the other hand, she should know, and it's something she should have been taking care of already.

Comments

adelaide_evening 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:27

Hahaha, I lol'd at this. That sucks.

hellokittywhore 0

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Monday 15 February 2010 7:51

holy shit i feel so bad for both of you!!! I couldn't imagine being that Hairy but I would never give my bast that chance I'm completly shaved from the neck down. lol hair is ewwwwie

mlb58 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 16:46

Yum

cadillacgal79 32

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Wednesday 30 July 2014 4:33

How is it, in your unintelligible words, 'ewwwwwwie'? Hair is natural, it's on your head, above your eyes, on your eyes and it grows on us like any other animal. Yes we have our techniques to get rid of the unwanted stuff, but if you think hair is so gross, you would have to get rid of the hair on your head, eyebrows, eyelashes and every last bit on your body.

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:27

hahah awkwardd

Raspberry_007 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:27

lmfaaaaao

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:28

A woman needs to wax her facial hair to work in fast food.. seriously? It's not like it's so long it would dangle and fall into the fries or some shit. Or maybe it really is that bad. She should probably invest in a razor at that point, for sure.

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 20:07

yeah maybe, u never know

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Sunday 14 August 2016 7:20

He never actually said it was facial hair

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:28

Women can have moustaches too.

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:29

Damn...I wonder where her hair is growing on her face that she needs to be told to shave it?

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:29

Goooooooooood luck...

LenWK 0

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:30

How is this an FML? This has nothing to do with you.

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Friday 29 April 2011 7:53

they have to tell a woman to shave. she's going to feel embarrassed and upset at the person who said something. I would hate to call a woman on that. it'd feel like I was insulting her. on the other hand, she should know, and it's something she should have been taking care of already.

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Monday 16 December 2013 18:36

For some reason i feel like Kris didn't speak English

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:31

Eww I once saw a woman with face and neck hair at Arby's! I was so grossed out I left. Rules are rules, but I'm sorry you had to deliver this news because apparently she can't see the hair.

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Wednesday 9 June 2010 4:33

yea arbys has some gross ass people working there! bleeehh!

emirie 21

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Wednesday 6 November 2013 20:56

Lots of places do.

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Friday 3 April 2009 0:32

did u tell her???