By Anonymous - 21/3/2020 21:00

Check your head

Today, while watching a movie on my iPad, a really cute girl sat next to me. Suddenly, everyone on the bus started clapping. I started to clap very loudly as well, asking the girl why we were clapping. She gave me a strange look. I then realized the applause was coming from my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

675

You deserved it

2050

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Dangling modifier

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By Rayvyn - United States

Today, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I tried to soothe it with some Ramen, which helped for a while. Later on, I felt worse and threw up the soup. Noodles came out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37777

You deserved it

7342

Tweet

Share

By rosmaizura - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27342

You deserved it

22316

Tweet

Share

By Forgotten Birthday Girl

Today, it's my birthday. I am a triplet. In my first class, everyone sang happy birthday to my sister. Her friends got her balloons too. My other sister's friends got her flowers. Everyone forgot I was their sister and all of my own friends forgot that it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4844

You deserved it

263

Tweet

Share

By Candy - United States

Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8329

You deserved it

56424

Tweet

Share

By Silent - United Kingdom

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28145

You deserved it

3748

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Newark

Today, I discovered that my wife named our kids after her former lovers. We have two sons and a daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54102

You deserved it

5443

Tweet

Share

By notacaveman - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

I agree, your life sucks

76019

You deserved it

13402

Tweet

Share

By Missy - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42047

You deserved it

17191

Tweet

Share

By CircleBruise - United States

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27331

You deserved it

5855

Tweet

Share

By boblaj - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22758

You deserved it

4007

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Hamilton

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25844

You deserved it

7930

Tweet

Share

By 3firedepos - 15/6/2020 05:06

Lovely

Today, I walked outside and was so happy about the return of smell of campfires and summer time. I now realize that the campfire smell was a house burning down in my neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1317

You deserved it

154

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United Kingdom - Stafford

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27745

You deserved it

1780

Tweet

Share

By killjoyx - United States - Suffolk

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23730

You deserved it

3165

Tweet

Share

By honeymooner - South Africa - Braamfontein

Today, I received a coupon for a special offer including flights and accommodation for the honeymoon destination that my fiancé and I are keen on. Yesterday, I paid the full price for the flight tickets and hotel deposit for the honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26378

You deserved it

2606

Tweet

Share

By tsakashvili - United States

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59728

You deserved it

18860

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25428

You deserved it

1988

Tweet

Share

By JulleandCici - France

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35519

You deserved it

4915

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53176

You deserved it

3299

Tweet

Share

By doughgirl101 - Canada

Today, my parents canceled the Internet at our house because they view it as a "passing fad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33652

You deserved it

2378

Tweet

Share

By lonergirl - Australia

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34988

You deserved it

3911

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed my hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51285

You deserved it

5768

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, as I'm pregnant, my mom came over to do some nice things for me, such as clean my kitchen and cook a large pot of my favorite soup. When she left, I took a nap, planning to eat later. I woke up to find my roommates had trashed my kitchen and eaten all my soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35421

You deserved it

4420

Tweet

Share

By becstar90 - United States

Today, I was taking a picture with my friend. Her camera can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress. When she showed me the picture, the sash wasn't the only yellow thing; my teeth showed up, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45459

You deserved it

18269

Tweet

Share

By River - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28458

You deserved it

2772

Tweet

Share

By K - United States

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29439

You deserved it

2807

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at my parent's house I decided to take a shower. I had to use my sister's bathroom and once out, grabbed a comb from her cupboard to brush my hair. I then noticed the clumps of hair on my shoulders. It's a razor comb on one side, regular on the other. I used the wrong side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34366

You deserved it

18027

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33004

You deserved it

2769

Tweet

Share

By joe - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59570

You deserved it

8572

Tweet

Share

By Anonymoose - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37297

You deserved it

4228

Tweet

Share

By YahItsMe94 - United States

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13741

You deserved it

61356

Tweet

Share

By penisgrabber - United States

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36310

You deserved it

7031

Tweet

Share

By SnapeIsGood - Germany - Kornwestheim

Today, I hit the gym. With my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12287

You deserved it

1822

Tweet

Share

By tutusaurus - United States - Salinas

Today, I wrote the girl I love a long, gushy letter to convince her to be with me instead of her abusive ex. Later on, I asked her what she thought. She said she can't read cursive. She chose the ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27519

You deserved it

4411

Tweet

Share

By joecool3426 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53474

You deserved it

9425

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50957

You deserved it

8098

Tweet

Share

By missingcharlie - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44982

You deserved it

5669

Tweet

Share

By NathanA - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45214

You deserved it

2831

Tweet

Share

By agstadra - Canada

Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33878

You deserved it

3183

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 6 ft snake got loose. I found it. It was in my neighbor's backyard, constricting their pet rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23181

You deserved it

45353

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7891287 - Saturday 21 March 2020 23:11

On the bright side, there's no way that girl will ever give you the clap.

By boogerjt | 6

#7891290 - Saturday 21 March 2020 23:18

Dumbass

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7891287 - Saturday 21 March 2020 23:11

On the bright side, there's no way that girl will ever give you the clap.

By boogerjt | 6

#7891290 - Saturday 21 March 2020 23:18

Dumbass

By SomeRandomUser | 19

#7891294 - Sunday 22 March 2020 0:02

Those must be some really good headphones.

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7893398 - Sunday 29 March 2020 22:25

Poor sheep