Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
Today, I was walking my big, fat, fluffy old dog when I saw my crush. I waved enthusiastically, but my dog chose that moment to squat down and unleash a string of poop. My crush looked horrified as I tried to scoop it up while still waving. FML
Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML
Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a cute guy jogging towards me. I tried to look cool and gave him a smile. At that exact moment, my dog stopped to poop directly on my shoe. The guy jogged past without breaking stride and muttered, “Perfect timing.” FML
Today, while walking my dog, I saw a hot guy so I tried to look chill. My dog chose that exact moment to take an enormous dump. I didn’t have any bags. The dude stared while I pretended to check my phone until he walked off. FML
Today, I was walking my dog around my neighborhood, when I saw this really cute boy. My dog then saw a squirrel and dragged me through mud. FML
Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML
Today, a friend came over to meet my new dog. The dog got excited and accidentally peed on him. I went to the kitchen to get something to clean it up. When I came back, my new dog was covered in my friend's pee. My friend claimed that peeing on my dog "showed dominance." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
uneekfreak16 0
What kind of dog was it? I hope you weren't trying to look macho with a poodle. I think this one needs an illustration :p
mylifeisfuckeddd 0
lol! i hate when i am walking my dog and i have to pick up her poop and i'm walking around w. a bag a poop and a hot guy walks by
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
fxdxhk90 0
proud liberal, you truly are a the definition of "stupid bitch". The only reason that you think that men are dogs is because you are a major asswipe, and no man in his right mind would give you the time of day. Now, go find a femi nazi website site to rant on, cause no one here wants to read your horse shit.
um_duh 0
Chicks dig dogs, we're suckers for a lil cutey on 4 legs :) Hopefully she thought the dog was cute enough to get over the fact that your dog peed on you
um_duh 0
Chicks dig dogs, we're suckers for a lil cutey on 4 legs :) Hopefully she thought the dog was cute enough to get over the fact that your dog peed on you :)
Tika876 18
Oober sexy
ohhboyy 0
rachie, second time, stfu.
beaniebabe 0
At least he didn't pee on the girl!!!
DarkMirror 0
A simple "Hello" would have been sufficient.
CinderElla21 0
whose rachie? shes pissing me off
CinderElla21 0
HEY! come to my profile, you will really like it
nuclear 0
#23 ftw. If you were standing there with your cute little dog I'd definitely stop and talk. If you had a big rottweiler and trying to look macho you're definitely not going to stop any girls..