By Lewis "Your degree will open so many doors" The way I live determined, that was a lie! 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML I agree, your life sucks 30103 You deserved it 3567 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML I agree, your life sucks 38888 You deserved it 44998 164 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML I agree, your life sucks 46667 You deserved it 3929 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By punaise ... - France - Marchaux Today, to avoid walking on a thumbtack that had fallen on the floor, my little sister took a red sharpie to the carpet and drew a circle around it, "so that way, everyone will see it." FML I agree, your life sucks 32690 You deserved it 3058 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JerseyGirl - United States Today, I went out to my car to run some errands. It wouldn't start. I called AAA, only to find out my battery wasn't dead, it was stolen. FML I agree, your life sucks 39908 You deserved it 2854 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mirandatheunicorn Today, I was having a beautiful lucid dream when a telemarketer called at 5AM, waking me up. I silenced my phone and went back to sleep, and was somehow able to resume my lucid dream. Then my phone vibrated me awake. It was the same telemarketer, this time calling at 7AM. FML I agree, your life sucks 3154 You deserved it 251 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tay - Australia Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML I agree, your life sucks 28474 You deserved it 2711 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thanks a lot Great boyfriend, part 2 Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML I agree, your life sucks 2772 You deserved it 182 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By khlonnae - United States - Dayton Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML I agree, your life sucks 4218 You deserved it 545 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I woke up in a puddle of blood after 7 hours of sleep. Before going to bed, I had inserted a tampon that should've kept me dry for at least 8 hours. Apparently it doesn't work well if sleepy me forgets to take the top part of the plastic wrapping off. FML I agree, your life sucks 2377 You deserved it 1187 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nic - United States Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML I agree, your life sucks 14746 You deserved it 45602 298 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML I agree, your life sucks 38672 You deserved it 9654 386 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aye! Porque no los dos? Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML I agree, your life sucks 1166 You deserved it 278 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/6/2021 18:01 That relationship is toast Today, my girlfriend cheated on me and still played the victim. She went and told her friends that I didn't give her freedom. She said I didn't let her buy a toaster. We had an airfryer with a toast option! FML I agree, your life sucks 957 You deserved it 120 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML I agree, your life sucks 7292 You deserved it 30040 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By PieterseMJ - South Africa - Sandton Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML I agree, your life sucks 27107 You deserved it 3731 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML I agree, your life sucks 69046 You deserved it 17509 428 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By camp - United States Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp. FML I agree, your life sucks 80908 You deserved it 27561 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By j3r3zana16 - Canada Today, while parking, I accidentally hit my landlord's daughter's brand new car. I made a huge dent in the side door. I thought nobody was home, so I quickly went to my room. Turns out they were having a barbecue outside and saw the whole thing. FML I agree, your life sucks 8367 You deserved it 51649 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tryena - United States Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML I agree, your life sucks 20254 You deserved it 92491 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dammitall - United States Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML I agree, your life sucks 42272 You deserved it 4839 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London To each their own Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 1618 You deserved it 257 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By why - United States - Broomfield Today, I'm no longer allowed to work the drive-thru at my job, because over the weekend, 3 dumbasses I go to school with came in and complained to my manager, saying I sounded a creepy pervert and that it scared them enough to take their business elsewhere. FML I agree, your life sucks 26367 You deserved it 1942 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By abusedparrot - Australia - Brisbane Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML I agree, your life sucks 43147 You deserved it 6112 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By megangubler - United States - Schaumburg Today, my mom insisted on making my lunch. She didn't know that knives are banned at my high school, and packed me a steak knife for cream cheese. I'm now suspended for 7 days, and she refuses to say that she did anything wrong. FML I agree, your life sucks 55608 You deserved it 5254 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kbartlett86 - Canada Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 35374 You deserved it 4597 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Embarressed... - United Kingdom Today, I was babysitting for my mum's friend. I put her little boy on my knee, and he kept pulling at my top. I asked him "are you hungry?" He replied "No, I want to see your titties." FML I agree, your life sucks 44395 You deserved it 11286 319 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML I agree, your life sucks 87540 You deserved it 7382 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By monkey2069 - United States - Elgin Today, a lady handed me a $10 tip on a $45 bill. I was happy with it, since it was more than 20%, until she came back in and said, "I'm sorry I gave you the wrong amount." I handed it back to her and then she gave me a dollar. FML I agree, your life sucks 51655 You deserved it 4868 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DieTrying - United States Today, while in bed with my fiancée, I asked her to take off her pants so we could get it on. She said, "No, I don't feel like squeezing into them again." I was cockblocked by a pair of jeans. FML I agree, your life sucks 35119 You deserved it 5447 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OpenSesame Portal Today, at Walmart, I unknowingly chose the only non-automatic door to exit through. I stood in front of the door looking for the motion sensor while the greeters laughed at me for at least half a minute before I saw the "PUSH" sticker. FML I agree, your life sucks 921 You deserved it 804 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Augusta Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML I agree, your life sucks 29580 You deserved it 9320 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xloverin - Slovakia - Bratislava Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML I agree, your life sucks 23082 You deserved it 12078 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thecatlady - Australia - Kambalda Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 30711 You deserved it 4283 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 20:00 - United States - New Orleans Thanks for the setup, dude Today, I was set up on a date by a coworker. The guy turned up late, but whatever. He then spent 30 breathlessly long minutes complaining about his "bitch of an ex." Then he spent another 30 minutes trying to convince me that the QAnon bullshit was real. I had to pull the whole 'fake emergency phone call' to get the hell out of there. FML I agree, your life sucks 1430 You deserved it 222 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Nice, thanks Today, a little girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Lindsey, let's be friends!" I thought she was cute, so I played along and said, "OK! My name is Jen!" Her reply was, "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML I agree, your life sucks 51594 You deserved it 13312 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By squirts Today, I arrived home after leaving for college in August. My dad figured that the most appropriate way to welcome me back was a loud, piercing fart right when I walked through the front door. FML I agree, your life sucks 37139 You deserved it 5300 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By s13495 - United Kingdom - Hull Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML I agree, your life sucks 42977 You deserved it 6359 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 31/5/2021 02:01 Intervention Today, my sister got in a screaming argument with my girlfriend, who then dumped me. My whole family started celebrating. Apparently, they staged the argument to get rid of her because no one liked her, and I should be grateful they did me such a big favor. FML I agree, your life sucks 1251 You deserved it 181 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brittany - United States Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML I agree, your life sucks 12879 You deserved it 37934 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again... I agree, your life sucks 284 You deserved it 67 3 Comments
Today, the girl I've been flirting with for a few weeks invited me to a house party. I gradually found out that she's been talking to my good buddy, they've... I agree, your life sucks 740 You deserved it 144 6 Comments
