Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML
Today, a friend was moving away, and they told me go grab their credit card. I did, and she bought me Dunkin' Donuts, then I tripped and dumped both our drinks. Into her face. I tried to say "Fuck!" and "I didn't mean to do that to you!" but ended up yelling "FUCK YOU!" in the middle of a parking lot. I never saw her again. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML
Today, I went through the drive-through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response, I started frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, a woman came out to my car and said, "Please pull up to the speaker." I'd been yelling at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
Today, I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk, probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number, and the way she said, "Nah" still haunts me. FML
Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML
Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
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Top comments
yodelqueen13 0
haha mistaken sexual harrassment sucks
arela 0
what the **** who says double D's for dunkin donuts you douche you deserve it
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Comments (323)
jujujuice 0
dumbass. hahah.
lolPayal17 0
How could you not know how sexual that sounded?
PHILERUP 0
Demonchild you're a loser, sunlightveins got the idea from me and I go to one of the best highschools in the country, and you're a loser who goes on fml all on comment on everyone's fml, ok you're the real dumbass.
KenMcGormick 0
#114 nice~
000001 0
That was funny. Next time, be mindful of what you say.
lolwut_fail 0
I would love to laugh at you right now, but this just makes me think of the time in which I accidently asked a guy if he wanted in on a threesome. It seems like that would be impossible to have happen, but it's not...I did it. My friend and I were sitting back to back to eachother on the grass. The stranger walks by and says, "Oh wow, that's smart. You two are making your own seats there." My reaction, "You can join us and make it a threesome." This is where he asks for a time and a place.
kam93_fml 0
The only thing that was funny about this one was the fact you are that much of a douche to call Dunkin Donuts, "double d's"
hellFighter 0
dude, your stupid. YDI.
PHILERUP 0
Demonchild, you're a dumbass, sunlight vein got the idea from me, and I go the one of the best highschools in the country, you're a loser who goes on fml all day and comments on everyone's fml, so you're the real dumbass.
kellster 2
Lol, #32! OP: You obviously meant her to get both meanings. And you fail on both. Nobody calls Dunkin Donuts that, and you obviously intended her to get your creepster boob reference. Next time, just compliment her taste in coffee (although... that's another whole FML right there!) and leave it at that.