Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML
Today, a friend was moving away, and they told me go grab their credit card. I did, and she bought me Dunkin' Donuts, then I tripped and dumped both our drinks. Into her face. I tried to say "Fuck!" and "I didn't mean to do that to you!" but ended up yelling "FUCK YOU!" in the middle of a parking lot. I never saw her again. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
Today, I thought I was being smooth by using a pickup line on a cute barista. I confidently said, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." She replied, "Actually, I'm a barista, and everyone else is waiting for their coffee. Next!" FML
Today, I went through the drive-through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response, I started frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, a woman came out to my car and said, "Please pull up to the speaker." I'd been yelling at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
Today, I learned that just because the cute barista at the train station smiles, waves at me each time I arrive, and develops small talk, probably means she's trying to sell me pastries. The smile she had when I asked for her number, and the way she said, "Nah" still haunts me. FML
Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML
Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML
Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML
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Top comments
yodelqueen13 0
haha mistaken sexual harrassment sucks
arela 0
what the **** who says double D's for dunkin donuts you douche you deserve it
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Comments (323)
wh0regasm 0
hahahahaha and lol @ #98 i wonder what happened next
Newtons_Cradle 0
Hahaha, nice one. It's ok, my (immigrant) grandfather calles Krispy Kreme "KK" but one time he got confused and spent a whole 10 minutes talking about the "KKK donuts." We were all a little confused.
jorygirly 0
you're a fachist communist. Oh and shape kills dumbledore meaning it's obvious ur not good with girls. That's ur future. Dumbass
jorygirly 0
you're a fachist communist. Oh and shape kills dumbledore meaning it's obvious ur not good with girls. That's ur future. Dumbass
Raine_Sage 0
#90: I disagree, because it's like clefting except with a "that", and the singular verb agreement comes from a dummy pronoun. It was a cup of coffee that she was holding. It was her breasts that he noticed. &c.
Fragnox 3
#93, shut up, you're not funny. I think the FML where the guy thought his co-worker was telling him to send her a certain picture when she said "Your nuts!", when she really meant "You're nuts!" is quite enough proof to show you that grammar is important. Also, where do you go to school that your teachers actually teach you grammar in school? The only teaching I ever got in English class was about finding symbolism and crap like that. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation weren't created so they could be totally ignored, and they weren't created with no purpose. Anyways, I've never heard Dunkin' Donuts called that...I hope that, once she got angry/walked away/didn't respond/etc., you tried to clarify at least. If you didn't, you definitely deserve it.
Kyothine 0
What did you expect? "Oh yes! I do love Dunkin Donuts coffee, let's have sex!"
LolCows 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
MukyDaCookie 0
#60 go ******* die and please never quote NWA again.
carliexobon 0
lmao reall smooooth