Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year-old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML
Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML
Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML
Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML
Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML
Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML
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Top comments
FML_allthetime 0
hahahaha! thats pretty great! if i were another parent in the park, i would be concerned...
Recon_fml 0
This was a much needed laugh for the day Thanks! My wife and I do it doggy style all the time. I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead. :P
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Comments (88)
wrestler_fml 0
In the whole scheme of things, that wasn't too bad. Like, i've seen FMLS where their girl leaves them, or their car gets covered in portapotty sh*t. All you have to do is A) change the name of the push, and B) explain that to anybody there, or anybody in the future... and C) politely ask your son/daughter/whoever NOT to call it that anymore! =)
Brox_fml 0
sounds like your two girls so no big deal. Now if your name was Daniel, someone would have called the cops on you
Delt88 0
kids say the darndest things...
uh_oh 0
Bahahaha that's hilarious! I remember under doggies from when I was little too!
jdodson1089 0
awww thats too cute and funny!
letstrythis 0
Hahaha, that's neat.
SteelersFREAK 0
BAHAHAHA! this is a great one
Cassy_fml 0
#21: That's got to be a moment of extreme loneliness, though ;-)
djtelekinesis 0
HAHAHA... well hey, nothing a little explaining to the other parents and bringing in witnesses of the underdog swing push can't fix.
nannerpus 0
hahaha why is it called "under doggie push"?