Love: Today, I was looking at the annoucements in the newspaper and...

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was looking at the annoucements in the newspaper and find out that my boyfriend of the past 6 years is supposed to be married in 2 days to what I thought was his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 347

You deserved it 3 371

Love

Empathy lives

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Pile on

Caught in 4K

By Frank S. - 17/06/2021 19:59

Today, I was about to enter a hotel with a friend-with-benefits. We then saw her boyfriend exiting the same hotel with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 1 598

By omglifee - 20/12/2009 04:13 - Canada

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 803

You deserved it 4 092

Smoke signals

By rejected - 06/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 205

By gassy - 12/02/2013 14:18 - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 128

You deserved it 35 570

By Wino - 05/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 769

You deserved it 34 456

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - 21/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I made the egregious mistake of going on RateMyTeachers. My students think that, while I'm a good teacher, I have constant "wardrobe malfunctions" and spill my "bloody ass tampons all over the place like a bitch". I teach 6th graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 625

You deserved it 489

By back to creepers - 21/12/2013 20:05 - United Kingdom - Worcester

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 468

You deserved it 6 490

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, while at work at a new job, my brother comes and takes my car. Along with all my money, my phone, and whatever else I had in my purse. His message to me through one of my co-workers was "walk home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 382

You deserved it 3 483

By augh - 10/12/2010 08:24

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 893

You deserved it 5 689

By Anonymous - 10/01/2012 03:30 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 166

You deserved it 38 646

By Stupidteach - 11/11/2009 12:47 - United States

Today, I asked my father for some help paying my college tuition. He told me he'd help me after I become more accredited than he is. My father has 2 PHDs. I'm studying to be an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 3 928

Don't send dickpics (unless requested)

By rachele321 - 20/08/2019 02:00

Today, some guy sent a dickpic to my phone. I was disgusted, and wanted to find out who did it. I called the police, and they matched the number to my stepfather's new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 902

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 06/08/2018 22:00

Today, I learned that the "nasty smell" in my room, which I cannot detect, does not exist. It was just my stepmother trying to make me go insane deep-cleaning my room for her personal amusement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 008

You deserved it 259

By Jazzyfayyye - 29/05/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said, "You know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 240

You deserved it 3 676

By fffmmll - 21/03/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 908

You deserved it 56 136

By ihatemyjob - 12/09/2010 07:23 - Canada

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 096

You deserved it 2 769

By blah - 15/02/2009 23:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 793

You deserved it 3 798

By DefinitelyNotMyMeds - 22/02/2019 20:00 - Canada

Today, just like everyday, I opened my med box, took out a blister pack and took one of the pills before putting the pack back in the box. Today, not like everyday, I had diarrhea. Turns out one of the packs was laxatives put in my med box by my boyfriend because they looked the same as my meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 971

You deserved it 285

By Zxz - 08/04/2013 21:51 - Canada

Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 179

You deserved it 6 243

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 15:30

Today, after explaining that I never want kids, I was asked, "Are you sure? I have really strong swimmers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 267

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 21:31 - United States

Today, I was outside, eating a sandwich, when I noticed a homeless man was standing in front of me. Upon making eye contact, he grabbed the rest of my sandwich and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 834

You deserved it 5 003

By Fought The Law - 29/10/2011 04:51 - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 6 133

By Nonbikerbiker - 08/12/2018 22:00

Today, while enjoying a nice drive on my motorcycle, I got into an accident. I was lucky to have minor injuries, but my bike was totaled. When I got home, I found the driver of the car that hit me sitting in my living room. My partner introduced us by saying, “and this is my gay lover, grandpa.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 113

You deserved it 310

By humiliated - 14/01/2011 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 848

You deserved it 4 337

By Christina - 05/12/2011 05:41 - Canada

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 739

You deserved it 49 671

By Anonymous - 08/03/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, after having my jaw wired shut for 2 months, I finally got to eat. During the first bite of my sandwich I pulled my jaw out of place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 784

You deserved it 4 880

By earplugsplease - 16/05/2013 16:16 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 958

You deserved it 3 573

Getting on

By S. Michaels - 14/03/2012 15:17 - United States

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 353

You deserved it 3 635

By ohman - 17/07/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 178

You deserved it 8 166

By brokeasajoke - 11/11/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 474

You deserved it 3 275

Healthcare for all

By Broken - 07/01/2021 11:01 - United States - Toledo

Today, thanks to America's opiate epidemic, I can no receive the pain management I require for broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 84

Tasty!

By Username - 31/01/2011 15:47

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 992

You deserved it 5 709

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 772

You deserved it 26 254

By BAMN2187 - 31/12/2012 03:51 - United States

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 914

You deserved it 9 018

By Anonymous - 11/05/2015 16:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 231

You deserved it 4 493

Thanks, but no thanks

By chiraag87 - 06/11/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I was called into work to fix up their projection system. I drove 40 kilometers in peak hour to get there. As soon as I parked my car and was about to walk in, I got a phone call saying "Don't worry, we fixed it, you don't have to come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 402

You deserved it 2 199

By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 23:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 396

You deserved it 17 173

Fashion blogger

By Alyssa - 27/04/2020 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was scrolling through my Instagram timeline and saw a picture of my friend in a ridiculous wig. I left a comment telling her how stupid the wig looked, but how great it was to have a friend with a sense of humour. She replied, telling me it wasn't a wig, it was her new hairstyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 1 884

By Economess - 17/09/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 883

You deserved it 4 139

By "1DisGR8" - 16/12/2018 09:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 440

You deserved it 324

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Top comments

DameGreyWulf 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:09

What a little shit. Make a scandal. Disrupt the wedding. Perhaps she might not even know about you, or think YOU'RE the ex, which would make it all the better.

scythefwd 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:54

"Does anyone hear have reason these two should not be married here today? Speak now or forever hold your piece." I do. I've been dating him for the last 6 years. Then walk out. Let the bride handle it from there.

The_Pleb 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 8:59

Poor you... Anyway.. FIRSSTT!!!!!

voodootrucker 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:03

badbunny 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:01

you still read the newspaper?

applebranch 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 10:21

Newspapers are awesome!

Kurokawa_fml 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 11:19

the plan was foolproof but the bitch read the PAPER. You'd never see it coming.

Sunbolt 0

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 18:43

in soviet russia newspaper reads you

fckinbowdown 0

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Wednesday 14 July 2010 0:43

wow I'm really sorry that sucks. that guy is a complete douche

AriesAngel41288 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:06

What do you mean so and who cares if you got first! This poor woman was dating a guy for 6 years and found out via NEWSPAPER he was still with her! That sucks honey and I hope things look up for you!

robertandrew 5

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 6:26

What town do you live in for them news to be in your local newspaper?

DameGreyWulf 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:09

What a little shit. Make a scandal. Disrupt the wedding. Perhaps she might not even know about you, or think YOU'RE the ex, which would make it all the better.

weezypanda420 22

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Tuesday 27 October 2015 7:26

Or... She could just confront him and show him the article. Break up with him and let the other girl have his cheating lying ass and move on and find someone better..?

Darth_Taco 14

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:13

...You should definitely go to the wedding :D! Make a toast, and humiliate him. He wastes 6 years of your life, you make his wedding a complete waste of money. I feel bad for his fiancée. She'll likely hate you...fuck it. I guess you can do the adult thing and calmly call her to inform her of the situation so she won't be humiliated in front of her friends and family. Other way is funnier though. Damn morality.

null_fml 11

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:32

Or better yet, OP can tell his fiancee, and she'll probably be game to work up a plan TOGETHER to humiliate him even more than OP could ever do alone. Unless it's the ultra-traditional bride's-father-pays-for-the-wedding type of thing, in which case her dad might be a little pissed.

Subcontinent 14

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Thursday 4 February 2016 17:48

I think if the "ex" doesn't know the dad might be a little more pissed that someone cheated on his baby girl...

Rayn4u_fml 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:43

Six years of double dipping? One of the two women has to be an idiot…or both.

blindwhisper 0

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 12:45

agree

scythefwd 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 9:54

BikerMike 0

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 11:45

Just as I was thinking. Nail the cheating dickhead in front of everyone.

Jewelofagal 2

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Tuesday 17 November 2009 16:23

"...forever hold your PEACE", not "piece" -- although that's a funny pun.

SouthernGrl90 0

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Wednesday 18 November 2009 19:58

I agree. He needs to feel like a total moron. How one of you hadnt noticed is beyond me, but make it something he'll never forget.

johnnyots 0

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Thursday 19 November 2009 6:40

I've never been to a wedding where they actually said this, I've only seen it in movies. In this day and age, anyone who objects has plenty of time and means to do so without humiliating both peoples' families.