Today, I was jogging, and I saw a little boy walking. Crying and all alone. Thinking that he was probably lost, I asked to him with my sweetest voice: 'Hi there, did you lose somebody?' He screamed terrified and ran away. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was out jogging, when I saw a girl fall off her bike and start crying. I ran over to see if she was hurt. Apparently her neighbour thought I was trying to kidnap her, because he ran out with a baseball bat and threatened to beat me to death if I didn't get lost. FML
Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped, grabbed the ball for the kid and went to hand it to him. He then yelled, "Stranger danger!" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30 minutes. FML
Today, I ran home because a guy I had never seen before got off the bus at the same time as me, and followed me almost all the way home. I was crying for my mom to call the police but my brother just snorted at me, because, “Only pretty girls have stalkers.” I wish I was an only child. FML
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
Today, I saw a little boy wandering in the supermarket looking lost and distraught. I gently put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Hey buddy, where’s your mommy?” He screamed, “STRANGER DANGER!” and kicked me in the shin. His actual mom wandered over from the cheese section, gave me a dirty look, and walked off. FML.
Today, I went to pick up my little brother from his friend's house. When I got there, he ran off screaming that he didn't know me. His friend's parents believed him. FML
Today, I was at the mall and I saw a kid crying. I asked her "What's wrong sweetie, are you lost?" She ran away screaming "Help me!" I ended up having to explain to a dumb mall cop that I'm not a perv. FML
Today, I was crying after a bad day at work. As I walked down the street, a young boy in a minivan tried to get my attention. He kept saying, "Hi, hi, please wave!" in a sad voice. When I politely waved at him, I saw a group of kids in the van giggling hysterically and taking pictures of me. FML
Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kenjiisown 1
maybe you should stop using that voice
ohrlynow 9
Maybe what you consider your "sweet" voice actually sounds more like a "I'm-going-to-take-you-home-and-devour-you" voice? If that was the case, I'd run too.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (96)
Sydneyhehe 6
You're obviously the perfect pedofile, you just have to embrace it! Now that you've found your calling, you can sit back, enjoy the rape, and wait for one of three events. 1) you get arrested 2 ) you pick the wrong kid, he's a black belt and also carries knives. Or three 3) the girl has a three hundred pound, solid muscle father who rapes you, then slowly kills you.
fantasyworld 39
You shouldn't use that voice, it sounds creepy.