Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML
Today, I rushed out of the bathroom with toothpaste smeared all over my chin and cheek. I was so anxious about going on a date that I didn’t realize this until said date pointed it out halfway through dinner. FML
Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML
Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML
Today, like every morning, I washed my mouthguard with bar soap. Tonight, though, I realized I hadn’t rinsed as well as I should have, there's soap between my teeth. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly leaned in towards the mirror to pop the pimple, meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in my workplace's bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. I had toothpaste smeared all over my cheek. I spent the rest of the day wondering how many people had noticed and said nothing. FML
Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth before a date, I sneezed so hard that toothpaste flew all over my clean shirt. I was already running late, so I panicked and tried to wipe it off with water. It left huge wet spots. I showed up looking like I had just lost a fight with a giant toothbrush. FML
Today, as I was doing my make-up, I needed a Q-tip to fix a mistake. I took one out the box and put it in my mouth to get it wet. Too bad someone had used it before to clean their ears. FML
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Top comments
DrAwesome 6
"I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth." Sounds like my ex-wife.
DocBastard 38
It's ok, I'm a doctor and I can help you. Go play leapfrog with a unicorn. It's the only cure. Sorry.
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Comments (124)
hwkman68 2
now that's funny right there. bet your ass pays attention in the future!
macskapingvin 0
Hey, at least you didn't pour bleach on your cereal. That was not a good day.
Ninjafriends 1
OP, did you put a bar of soap on your toothbrush and not notice it was soap? Stupid kid.
Calyx_fml 21
That will teach you not to swear.
HomeAl0ne 20
Come back when you've confused IcyHot/Dencorub/DeepHeat with your haemorrhoid cream, then we'll talk.
towboatdude 0
Ok Op you must be one serious idiot. Just explain how in the hell. You confuse a tube of tooth paste or in a pump. With soap in a pump. Because I've never seen soap come on a long slinder tube?
BonJovi821 3
Soap doesn't come in a long SLENDER* tube, but they do make toothpaste that comes out of a pump.
OldstrInMich 7
worst post ever.
july637 3
Yer not fully clean till yer ZEST fully clean!
steelernation17 0
it could look like ****.
Yankees47 0
Did it taste clean