Today, I was given the ultimate ultimatum: either I suffer excruciating stomach pains and remain a hostage to the porcelain whirlpool goddess, or I stop taking pain medication and face the wrath of a raging infection in my jaw. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up to the most excruciating pain in my jaw. No dentist that takes my insurance has any openings, and the one doctor I can see to get antibiotics isn’t in. FML
Today, I have a tooth infection that's spread to my jaw and ear. It hurts so badly that I'm practically in tears. Today's also the day I found out I'm allergic to the medication I was prescribed. Everything hurts, I'm covered in hives, and I can't stop throwing up. FML
Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a severe bladder infection that has left me in excruciating pain. A month ago, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. A few weeks before that, I badly sprained my elbow. Before that, I had the flu. I think my body is mutinying one organ system at a time. FML
Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
Today, during a routine visit to the dentist, she advised me to get root canal treatment done, to avoid any future pain. As we are traveling abroad where we won't have insurance, my husband is forcing me to get RCT within four days. I'm in so so much pain, life is hell. FML
Today, I either have to shit my brains out on the hour every hour like clockwork, or stop taking my medicine and go back to suffering debilitating PTSD. Regardless, I’m spending half of my day locked in a small space and unable to live freely. FML
Today, I missed my dentist appointment. I couldn't attend, because I was too busy puking my guts up due to a bad reaction to the pain medication I'm taking for my toothache. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed and took the pain medicine that the oral surgeon prescribed for me before bed. The pain actually did go away for the most part, until my stomach decided to betray me and make me throw up, forcing my jaw to open more than it could after surgery. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Or option 3- go see a reputable factor who will treat the infection rather than just hurl a prescription for Vicodin at you like some two-bit hack. Jesus, I think some "doctors" get their MD degrees out of a ******* Cracker Jack box.
Doortje 30
You have to choose between an infection and a goddess? Tsk, you've got to be kidding me, what are you whining about?!
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Comments (190)
skyiscool 0
eat before taking your medicine
ohhoho 2
You are such a drama queen. o-o
hghiPigh 0
cheer up, pooping is fun
hatepineapple 14
And this is why laptops were invented.
Spenerish 0
Possibly the most well-written FML I've seen so far...
thebigblue 2
Call your doctor and get a new pain killer or phengran to stop the nausea.
perdix 31
Ultimate ultimatum? What a n00b! Just get shit-faced drunk and stay that way until your jaw infection clears up or your jaw falls off. Problem solved. Jeesh!
OddBob 1
Now I know where to go if I need some sound, well thought out advice. In other words: anywhere but here.
banana_buddy 6
no no boners ur doing it all wrong, ur suppose to drink the gasoline not gurgle it
Jayyweezy 0
I like the adjectives
ManderPandaa12 0
How are you left with that choice?