Animals: Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I...

By OldHabitsDieHard - 18/09/2013 14:53 - United States - Erie

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 716

You deserved it 18 748

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Same thing different taste

By ilovecharliesheen - 17/03/2015 07:14 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I accidentally ate a cat treat instead of a cinnamon-glazed pecan. I thought it must have been burnt by the way it tasted, so ate a few more before I figured out my mistake and spat them out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 609

You deserved it 14 265

By Anonymous - 04/08/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 995

You deserved it 15 564

By upliftmofo - 28/03/2011 05:56 - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 654

You deserved it 5 978

By jsmills92 - 21/12/2012 00:26 - United States - Cranston

Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 414

You deserved it 4 442

By youwouldbeacat - 28/04/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 744

You deserved it 53 561

Absentmindedly

By Anonymous - 06/09/2022 19:00

Today, I saw some reddish-colored stuff on my finger after wiping my face. I thought it was blood at first, so I smelled it, then licked it, I don't know why the fuck I did that but anyways, I later realized I'd wiped off some of my eyeshadow and frickin ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 1 203

Con Artist Kitty

By Tray - 25/09/2017 20:13

Today, I had just finished making myself an ice cream cone when my cat puked all over the floor. I set my cone on the counter while I cleaned up, and when I finished, my cat was licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 866

You deserved it 623

By whatdidimarry - 24/09/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 266

You deserved it 2 295

By princeronron - 08/09/2015 02:02 - Switzerland - Prilly

Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 687

You deserved it 6 022

Smelly glasses for life

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 06:30 - United States

Today, I used my towel on the counter to clean my glasses. Apparently, my foster cat had peed on it during the night. The wet towel hit my mouth. I started out my day with cat pee on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 287

PenguinBitch 43

Wednesday 18 September 2013 19:15

Reminds me of that Spongebob episode where he tastes Gary's food.

GetGulley 12

Wednesday 18 September 2013 19:19

The most important meal of the day, serving it up Gary's way!

Comments

MaryPoppins88 14

Friday 20 September 2013 1:36

That's so funny I have cats and I'm surprised I haven't accidentally done this yet.

CrazyMelvin 14

Friday 20 September 2013 2:22

Just don't start licking yourself and you'll be Okay.

yadanax 14

Friday 20 September 2013 9:50

So how's cat food taste like? XD

BurnInDemonFire 33

Friday 20 September 2013 15:20

I didn't know Jane Fonda was on FML!

Doggiedogg 6

Friday 20 September 2013 16:27

how did it taste?

wylde_fml 5

Sunday 22 September 2013 7:40

You licked the spoon cause you are fat huh?

Juultje 8

Wednesday 25 September 2013 10:41

Well, cat food was originally made for humans...

mohamed_H 21

Saturday 5 October 2013 6:41

You stole me foodd !

ITxCExLxS 6

Friday 18 October 2013 17:02

Like everyone else has said, I immediately thought of Spongebob eating Gary's food

Alastor13X 8

Friday 14 March 2014 2:42

Well... How'd it taste!? No reason for he rest of us to taste it now! Out with it!

Keywords

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Today, I stuffed my buttcrack with toilet paper right before my job interview because I tend to sweat there a lot and I was wearing a white skirt. I went to the bathroom afterward to take it out but it wasn't there anymore. It could have only gone up two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 762

You deserved it 15 564

Today, I tried dyeing my hair at home to save some money. I carefully followed the instructions but when I rinsed it off, my hair turned a shocking shade of shiity neon green. Not wanting to leave the house looking like a radioactive toad, I wore a hat and hoped nobody would notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 340

The Top

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 213

Today, I had to give a massage to an obese person with rank smelling fungus growing in between their skin folds. They tipped me two dollars. My hands still smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 479

You deserved it 5 900

Today, my mother threw a fit because the psychologist she got me suggested I visit a psychiatrist. Apparently, it's my fault because I "choose" to be so "crazy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 125

Today, I went to a wedding with my family. While the maid of honor was giving her non-heartfelt, three sentence speech, my mom and I started talking about how lame her speech was. When I turned around to look at my mom, I saw the camera recording the speech behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 006

You deserved it 45 898

Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 210

Today, I'm horny as hell, but I'm such a germaphobe that I don't want to be touched by anyone else, and now, after looking in the mirror and seeing how disgusting I look, I can't even touch myself, not with a vibrator, my hand or a 10-foot pole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 1 105

Same thing different taste

Absentmindedly

Con Artist Kitty

Smelly glasses for life

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