Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was listening to music while wearing my headphones on campus. A song I really liked came on, and after a while, I started doing air guitar along to it. I was soon accosted by campus security. Apparently, air guitar looks like jerking off from really far away. FML
Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and came back to glaring looks and stares. My screensaver had turned on, containing pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
urdirtyolduncle 15
quit jerking around!
KMilliron 2
I air guitar all the time. But as I also play real guitar I know how to air rock out accurately and in a non masturbatory fashion. Also helps to air rock in groups. That's how I roll.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (113)
cupcakemonster10_fml 0
LMAO!
ChrisLTC 3
you forgot to mention you were listening to Justin Bieber!
KCTruth4 0
u are now my hero #1
CommonSenseKarma 17
You MUST play guitar like a boss. We all look like we're jackin' off.
phatdaddy62 23
YDI for spanking the monkey!
Themuffinman728 0
guitars are stupid. so are you.
BruisedGiraffe 15
Ha next time put lotion on your hands and really freak them out
sourgirl101 29
Were you going off the rails on a "Crazy Train"?(:
j_cat187 20
now on jacking off and i know why, cuz im high, cuz im high, cuz im high
sourgirl101 29
I was gonna make love to you but then I got high I was gonna eat your pussy too but then I got high Now I'm jackin' off and I know why (Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high) *I love that song*
dantheman101 0
respect.