Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was listening to music while wearing my headphones on campus. A song I really liked came on, and after a while, I started doing air guitar along to it. I was soon accosted by campus security. Apparently, air guitar looks like jerking off from really far away. FML
Today, I had to explain to my father why most of the bar was giving him dirty looks at a concert. His air guitar motions made it look like he was jacking off under the table. FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and came back to glaring looks and stares. My screensaver had turned on, containing pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML
Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML
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Top comments
urdirtyolduncle 15
quit jerking around!
KMilliron 2
I air guitar all the time. But as I also play real guitar I know how to air rock out accurately and in a non masturbatory fashion. Also helps to air rock in groups. That's how I roll.
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Comments (113)
Wheredidgrungego 12
Try air slap bass. It looks like you're trying to rip your **** off.
ryanebk 7
well I play bass like flea.... so Uh I'm screwed
TwatRot69 0
Oh dont worry happens to me all the time.
SugarCrazy 14
It's kinda hard to look like you're masturbating while playing air guitar... Unless you were strumming way too close to your crotch, or had a jacket or something hiding your hands.
TwatRot69 0
Obviously that's what happened. Dumb ass.
RyanX92 0
this seems to be a reoccuring piaster in one way or another
lizzlegirl 9
there's already an fml exactly likee this..
lidemocr 0
oh god you are one of those people...an attention *****
TheJester12 15
fapp,fapp,fapp...... afap fap fap fap afap, fap,fap,fap..... afap fap fap fap afap. surely I can't be the only person here who spanks the monkey to the tune of another one bites the dust?!
MetalUpMyBum 0
^^lol hahaha!!! That song's good though :D
BabyBlaze 0
That was probably the funniest comment I have ever read.
fmlbiach 0
Damn, spank your monkey hard..beat your meat..jerk off..choke the chicken..why are there so many references for masturbating?
TempestRain 0
As well as...jerkin da gerkin, wanking, manual unload, lube snoobin, yanking the chain, the three shake, numb handing it, knocking the trock, I guess what you call it depends on where your from.
cptmorgan15 2
hahaha o man. Funniest part is how he used fapp for the beat. But seriously, I think every man should rub one out to that song at least once before they die, or can't get it up.
gotbiscuits 0
Doesnt matter if your were air strumming or masturbating. You look equally stupid doing that in public.
Zebidee 9
YDI for masturbating on a train and not being able to think up a plausible excuse.
ov614 0
I doubt that people were looking at you funny because it appeared you were masturbating. They were looking at you funny because you are a retard playing air guitar on a train.
ilaleahcim 6
Amen.
kevin1811 0
LOL